Blood is Thicker Than Water (A thread)
Not all the twins are identical. Sometime around 1960, a Saudi Arabian woman gave birth to twin male babies. One of them was dark in complexion, other was wheatish. 5 years later their dad took both of them to Mecca 1/n Both were happy, one with dark complexion had curly hair & other was fairly good looking. Roaming in streets they saw people getting tattoos made. They told their dad “Abu tattoo banwa do”. Dad asked tattoo maker to make allah sign & their names tattooed on their shoulder 2/n

Generally I don’t pick phone calls from unknown numbers but today morning I picked it, as I said Hello, I heard sobs from other side. After couple of minutes sobs turned into loud cries. Then while crying he said “Aami French President Emmanuel Macron bolche” 1/n I asked about his health & how is everything. He said “Sir ji, main te phas gaya, saade Paris nu barbaad kar dita hai mdrchd muslmaan refugees ne, mennu samj nayi aa reya ki karan, pulas vi kuch nayin kar pa rahi”. I asked him to drink water & take long breaths” 2/n

अति पूजनीय सर श्री शिव मूर्ति तिवारी की फ़ेसबुक पोस्ट: (थ्रेड) अवश्य पढ़ें

आदिपुरुष या इत्यादिपुरुष!!
आखिर दोष किसका है?
प्रसून जोशी से लेकर मनोज मुंतशिर तक और कुमार विश्वास से लेकर म्यूजिक कंपनी के तुकबाज लफ्फाजों तक को यदि हम शंकराचार्य मान बैठते हैं तो दोष किसका है!? 1/n मुरारी बापू से लेकर जग्गी वासुदेव तक को यदि हम श्रीकृष्ण द्वैपायन व्यास मान बैठते हैं तो दोष किसका है?
जागरण में पीताम्बर ओढ़े नाचने गाने वालों को यदि हम श्री चैतन्य महाप्रभु का साक्षात् रूप समझ लेते हैं तो दोष किसका है?

भोला हूँ, सीधा साधा हूँ, मासूम हूँ, चालाकी होशियारी कभी समझ नहीं आयी इसलिए सारे मेरे को मूर्ख बना कर मेरा परिहास करते हैं, मेरे भावनाओं से खिलवाड़ करते हैं, मुझे लूट भी लेते हैं। और शायद यही कारण है ट्विटर पर मेरे को फॉलो भी नहीं किया जाता। हैशटैग वही पुराने वाला ही है इतना भोला हूँ की कुछ समझ नहीं आता लोग क्या कहना चाहते हैं। स्कूल में था तो ख़ाली पीरियड में गन्ना चूस रहा था। विज्ञान वाले शर्मा सर आये और कहते मेरे चूसेगा। एक तो उनके पास गन्ना नहीं था और जब हम अपना चूस रहे हैं तो तेरा भला क्यों चूसें,हमने मना कर दिया और उन्होंने विज्ञान में फेल

A friend bought 1000 shares of DHFL at around 450, bought 2000 more at 400 for averaging out. He bought 4K more @ 350 and kept on buying more & more to lower the average price. He had to sell all his other investments & mortgaged his home, borrowed money from many sources 1/n By the time DHFL stock came down in double digit, he had have more than 5 lakhs shares at an average of around 200. Today there is no buyer at Rs 15.His almost entire wealth went into the drain.Moral of the story is, set a limit of the loss you can bear before buying a stock 2/n

Market on budget day musing: Take a contrarian call at 1 PM. If the markets are in a buoyant mode, sell index if it is on a subdued mode, buy index. Square the positions by 3:15. Pay your tribute to me later in the evening BN down by 300 points, Nifty down 60 points from high at 1 PM. More downside likely. Options premium high enough to sell

Utterly disappointed with the service of @MercedesBenzInd and T&T Motors. Such a premium brand but pathetic service. It’s 26 days that my vehicle is at the repair centre for change of one part & the responses are worse. I had shared my details & what I get is mere apology I bought this expensive vehicle expecting smooth running & service. High cost of parts & service is besides the point, it’s a big pain if vehicle breaks down because of any reason. Those considering buying any Mercedes product, I RECOMMEND NOT TO BUY @MercedesBenzInd

How naive we are, we believe in what we are shown that’s why I’m here with my team of researchers. We believe Akshay performed for Raveena on Tu Cheez badi hai mast mast. Not true, it was ShaPa who first sang & danced before rain drenched Soni “Xu Zeez Bazxxi Haiz Mazzt Mazztxx” When Soni heard about Man Sis, new handsome man in town making news & women getting mad at his looks & over his charm, her heart pondered & he called Mani in evening. When he reached her place, she could not take her eyes off him. Her one hand spontaneously reached her own crotch

Dear @nsitharaman and @narendramodi, with having full faith in you & your government, I wish to draw your attention to certain facts. A thread We haven’t come across or heard incident of corruption against your government which should be a normal practice but yet when compared with the previous UPA government, it is a commendable achievement

Chachaji was fond of farming. Once he was caressing Ed’s hair & puffing cigar when Ed said “Pundat kya thumhara bull soya hota, aaj farming nahin karne ka”, Chachaji sighed “There is a lot of grass on the farm”, Ed hugged him & said “Pundat grass is temporary, farm is permanent” Chachaji fondling Ed’s lips told her about Corona vaccine “Ed darling there are two kinds of vaccinations, I’d like to get you vaccinated ASAP”, a hot Ed kissed Chachaji & loosening her skirt said in a husky voice “Pundat hum ko toh sirf thumhara injection maangta, lagao jaldi”

Good Morning to all specially my fellow Muzlim men having multiple wives. Yes, now I’m in this elite league! I never thought it’d be such a fun to have four wives. Salma is filling my hookah, Shabana cooking Biryani, Arfa massaging my legs & one name forgotten is performing mujra The fourth wife performing Mujra on old Bollywood songs like Inhi Logon ne liya dupatta mera & Salame-e-Ishq meri jaan zara kabool kar lo & whose name I had forgotten came close when I offered her 2K currency notes & said “Janaab iss naacheez ka naam Nida hai, Nikaah kabool hai”

There is no rationale in lighting diyas, candles. It’s symbolism. It’s a symbol of solidarity.
What’s the rationale behind you praying, wishing birthday, diwali, Christmas? Will you wishing bring health & prosperity? No, it won’t but it’s symbol of your love & affection. Idiots Why do you wish good morning, namaste, Ram Ram to your parents, kids, siblings, friends? Will it make their morning & day good? Do they get success happiness health in their life just because you wished them? No, it’s a small way of showing your love & affection. A symbol

Blame it on Delhi or central Government but no one foresaw what was foreseeable that there are around a million labourers, rickshaw pullers, daily wagers migrants in Delhi NCR who do not have a permanent job These people don’t have savings, they live in rented rooms, some even homeless. There is no possible way unless preparations would be on war footing, that these people could stay here, may be in temporary camps and get food

Coronavirus is the utmost fear that human race needs to overcome. No matter how much time we take to win this battle, I have an apprehension and can predict with certainty that anarchy will spread not only in India but in many countries Even if this disease is contained within a few months’ time worldwide, the wheel won’t start rolling again immediately. Jobs will be lost. With total shutdown almost everywhere in the world, production of goods has stopped

After spending a fabulous night with Chachaji, in the morning Ed was reading newspaper when she said “Pundat, duniya khatam ho jaayega, Corona”, Chachaji who was still in bed screamed “You bloody tharki lady, I’m breathless & tired after 3 shots & you’re still asking me corona” Ed was a curious woman. He asked “Pundat, quarantine kya hota, ismein kya karta”. An obedient Chachaji took her to a luxurious farm house, spent a day with her. On the way back a happy Ed said “Pundat agar ye quarantine hota toh hum ko phir se jaana maangta quarantine mein”

RWs are jealous that the president of JNU student union Aishi Ghosh is so hot, so pretty that’s why they’re blaming her. These lowlife Sanghi chaddis don’t want a beautiful woman to come forward, lead our student union, our society, our nation, this planet, solar system & galaxy RW are targeting Deepika Padukone for meeting Aishi Ghosh alleging Deepika is supporting someone responsible for the violence whereas Sanghis don’t know that Deepika had other plan, she went near Aish & just whispered “Behen, kuch beauty tips do, I too wanna look pretty like you”

Kabhi lagta hai lungi ka bhi encounter ho jaaye. Those wondering who is lungi, let me tell you, he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He wears specs & has a son who is hybrid of elephant & hippopotamus. Lungi man despite having a minuscule tool often calls young women from Uzbekistan I don’t understand why Rajmata fell for Lungiman. I can well think of women falling for Spiderman, Superman, Ironman & even Iceman but this Lungiman is complete ewww. I was told, day before he met Rajmata after many days, & just when he was kissing her, his dentures fell off

Prince sucking his thumb asked Soni why he resembles so much with Omabud. Soni smiled & answered “Chhore yo parampara sey iss pariwar ki, Pearl Red aur Omabud’s ke dada ke bapu ka aana jaana tha aur exchange program chasle tha, jaise maddy aur thare daddy ka”, Prince was clueless Apte, the five feet short converted Muzlim man from Gujarat after spending a night with Soni assures her that he’d form the government, “Paison ki tangi chal rahi hai mhare ko, bass tu apna CM bana de, Soni khus kar de gi tanne aur uss budde Shapa ko bhi” Soni told Apte

रूह कांप गयी जब सूत्रों ने बताया की कल रात जेल सुपरेडेंडेंट सूरज सिंह शेखावत ने चिद्दु की डाँग पर चार फूट लम्बे और पाँच इंच मोटे बाँस की डंडे से दस बार पूरे ज़ोर से घातक वार किया और चिद्दु जब दर्द से कराह रा था, शेखावत रम की चुस्कियाँ ले रहा था जेलर शेखावत IPS हैं जो जैसलमेर राजस्थान के राजपूत परिवार से सम्बंध रखते हैं। 6 फ़ुट 2 इंच का क़द चौड़ा सीना और रोबदार मूँछ। राजस्थान में इनकी हज़ारों बीघा ज़मीन है और बड़े बड़े ज़मींदार इनकी हवेली मेन सलाम बजाते नज़र आते हैं। पोलिस की नौकरी शेखावत जी के लिए एक जज़्बा है

Here is a thread, read it carefully till the end, there are twists:

Few days back, ED arrested one Bhaskar Raman. What's so unique about this man who happens to be a chartered accountant!!

In December 2015, during a raid ED found four Wills neatly kept in a locker These wills were executed by four different persons, Bhaskar Raman, CBN Reddy, Ravi Viswanathan and Padma Viswanathan. All the wills were executed on same date i.e. 19th June 2013. The witness on all wills was one V Murali.

Making tattoo of Christ on Chachaji’s bald head, Ed asked “Pundat jab tumhra party ka supra saaf hoga, tumka family kya karega”, Chachaji said “Someone wd become President”, “Rubbish, uska liya centre mein ajority hone ka”, “I’m talking of becoming Party President”Chachaji smiled Ed was a curious lady. Once she asked Chachaji “Pundat ye saala thumko Father of Nation hona maangta, laathi waala ko nahin”, Chachaji puffing cigar asked “Why”, Ed replied “Kyonki hum ek sher suna
Saara kayanat chachaji par hua meharbaan
jis gali se wo nikla sab bola abba jaan”