How to forge rock-solid friendships in your 30s and 40s

(thread) You struggle to make genuine, trustworthy friends because you’re trapped in invisible mental barriers.

More on that here:

https://twitter.com/739720070432096256/status/1783119497622089878

Stress and anxiety don’t make you suffer.
You suffer because of your toxic relationship with them.

A thread on exposing this dysfunctional relationship: Over 40 million adults in the U.S. suffer from an anxiety disorder.

Worldwide, that number climbs up to 301 million people.

It leads to school dropouts, substance abuse, relationships ending, job loss, depression - and even suicide

Overthinking turns your mind hostile against you. It keeps you anxious, agitated, and afraid.

A thread on breaking free from overthinking: Overthinking saps your energy.

It keeps you stuck in the past. Or it keeps you anxious about the future.

(Check this thread out to know how overthinking keeps you trapped:)

https://twitter.com/ResilienttHuman/status/1750142076681867644

Overthinking is making you anxious, guilty, and fearful.

It’s also making you tired, lazy, and fat (surprised?).

A thread on this mental monster: Overthinking snares you like an invisible Venus Fly Trap.

Once you’re in its jaws you feel helpless.

You keep dwelling on it through the day. It keeps you awake in your bed.

17 Mantras that Helped Me Overcome People-Pleasing and Defeat the Need for Approval from Others

- thread - 1. “I decide what I will and won’t do”

You never “have to” do anything.

You always have a choice.

You do things out of that conscious choice.

Even though you might not like doing that.

Remembering this choice builds your self-respect.

It makes you feel less resentful.

Every lesson I could think of after being a people-pleaser for 34+ years and trying to overcome it for 4+ years:

1. You don’t need to be perfect to be accepted and loved 2. You never “have to” do anything. You always have a choice.

3. Everyone has the right to judge you. But it doesn’t mean you have to agree with them.

4. You don’t need to keep going at it until they are convinced. You can choose not to offer justifications.

A whopping 49% of Americans consider themselves people pleasers (or as I say addicted to approval).

I think the number is even higher.

Because most people are in denial.

Keep reading to find out if you are one among them...

- thread - By now you already know the terrible costs of approval addiction.

(If you don't, then I've linked a thread below. Go and see what you're dealing with here).

Healing is possible.

But still, I've seen people waste a lifetime stuck in this.

Why?

Why You Don't Have to Shrink Yourself to Be Loved

(a thread to help you overcome the fear of standing out) There’s something that just breaks my heart.

It’s unfair.

It has made the world a much darker place than it ought to be.

And yet, no one even bats an eyelid toward it.

Can you guess what it is?

12 distorted beliefs that keep you trapped in seeking approval from others

- thread - Most people are used to compromises.

- They allow others to control their lives.
- They never stand up for themselves.
- They bottle everything in.

They are used to living for others’ approval.

Approval addict for the first 34 years of my life, been in recovery for the last 4 years.

Shared what I learned with thousands, helped hundreds personally (and coached quite a few).

Most of them were in denial.

Here are 54 statements they use that are a dead giveaway...

🧵 "I just want everyone to be happy"
"I'll do anything to avoid conflict."
"I feel guilty when I say 'no'."
"I always put other people's needs before my own."
"I don't want to disappoint anyone."
"I'm always putting myself last."

Approval addiction isn't harmless.

It's setting you up for a life of anxiety, resentment, ruined relationships, and loneliness.

Here are 12 terrible prices an approval addict pays without even realizing it

- thread - 1. Deep Anxiety

For approval addicts, every interaction is a nightmare.

They worry that others will get upset and no longer like them.

They fear that they will lose face and make a fool of themselves.

Guess what happens when you always think like that?

Extreme anxiety.

How to disagree with someone without ruining that relationship forever

(Your roadmap to feeling connected without losing respect)

- thread - Do you struggle to speak up?

Does the thought of disagreeing and taking a stand make your skin crawl?

I know it did for me.

I used to avoid conflicts at all costs.

The M.O. was to sweep everything under the rug.

Most people will never get rid of their approval addiction.

Read on to find out why...

- thread - It’s not your fault.

You know you’re struggling with approval addiction.

You know how it’s keeping you anxious, helpless, and alone.

You want to get rid of it once and for all.

But there’s a catch.

How I overcame my approval addiction and built a fulfilling life for myself

- thread - My worst nightmares were coming true.

Everything I had worked for.

Everything that gave me my worth.

Everything from where I derived value and meaning.

Everything…was falling apart.

Why?

How to stop being a victim of your emotional triggers

- thread - What's an emotional trigger?

A trigger is a word, person, or event that sets off an emotional reaction in you.

Your body goes into survival response.

You fight, flee, or freeze.

Your heart starts racing.

You break into a sweat.

You go cold.

Approval addiction isn't harmless.

It's setting you up for a life of anxiety, resentment, ruined relationships, and loneliness.

Here are 12 terrible prices an approval addict pays without even realizing it

- thread - 1. Deep Anxiety

For approval addicts, every interaction is a nightmare.

They worry that others will get upset and no longer like them.

They fear that they will lose face and make a fool of themselves.

Guess what happens when you always think like that?

Extreme anxiety.

An addict.

That’s what I was.

I was addicted to approval from other people.

And it lead me to:

- low self-esteem
- anxiety and constant worrying
- being taken for granted by my friends and family

Here are 17 mantras that finally helped me break through: 1. “I decide what I will and won’t do”

You never “have to” do anything.

You always have a choice.

You do things out of that conscious choice.

Even though you might not like doing that.

Remembering this choice builds your self-respect.

It makes you feel less resentful.

5 confidence destroying habits you need to STOP right NOW 😨

- thread - Confidence doesn't come easy.

There is no confidence switch that you can just flip on.

Even worse,

when you try to find confidence "hacks", it backfires.

The more worried you are about lack of confidence

the more anxious and insecure you become.

12 distorted beliefs that keep you trapped in meaningless relationships

- thread - “6 out of 10 people stay in unfulfilling relationships” - a recent survey has found.

Most people plod along in meaningless relationships.

Even after disrespect, lack of intimacy, and even infidelity.

But why?

Why would anyone even choose to put themselves through that hell?

How to handle toxic people with grace

(you can win even without playing their game)

- thread - Cut them off.

That's how best to deal with toxic people.

But unfortunately, that's not always possible.

You need some more strategies in your arsenal:
- to stay grounded
- to express yourself
- to not stoop to their levels

So here's how you handle toxic people with grace:

"Am I being played?”

Here are 11 mind games narcissists use to manipulate you

- thread - “Am I being played?”

You hate it when this thought pops up in your head.

Again.

You have been denying this for a while now.

After all, why would someone do that to you?

Someone who your trust, or maybe even love?

It rips your heart out to feel betrayed like that.