Trans lady who uses lots of exclamation marks. Alternate account of Emily VanDerWerff (@emilyvdw). Mostly deals with transition-y type things! She/her!
I made my name doing TV criticism. It's a good job. I get paid way too much money to watch stuff and say, "This is good, and this is bad!" And I think I'm pretty good at it, too.
It gives me INTENSE dysphoria, particularly when that's what people most know me for.
Feb 13, 2020 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Thinking about sunsetting this account and leaving it up for people who find the archives of me stumbling my way toward myself helpful. Feels like I only use it to talk about bad stuff now, and that sends an unrealistic idea of what transition becomes.
I remember starting this account, on an incognito Chrome browser, with a vague inkling that someday, in the far future, I would be Emily on main and wouldn’t need it.
Now I’m both happy and sad at how little I need it any more. It’s good that I get to be me. I miss EmSan.
Jul 30, 2019 • 15 tweets • 3 min read
I’m having kind of a bad dysphoria day, and the paradox of that is that I’m having a bad one because absolutely nothing is wrong. Nobody’s been a jerk to me. Everybody calls me Emily. I look cute as hell.
But I feel NORMAL, which feeds its own kind of dysphoria.
Most of my life has been defined by feeling like everything happening around me was a just barely out-of-tune radio station. I could make out what was happening, but I had to filter out a little fuzz. Some days were worse than others.
Now, I’m always tuned right in.
Jul 11, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
It is genuinely amazing to me how much my interactions with other trans women are colored by a vaguely high school sorting system of how long we’ve all been on HRT.
Like without fail, I think of women roughly my age but on HRT for two or three years as SO much cooler than me!
Meanwhile I’m, like, Elsie Fisher in Eighth Grade, and if another girl who went on HRT around the same time as me starts hanging out with the cool kids, I try to seem calm and collected, even though I’m really FREAKING OUT.
Jun 21, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
It's starting to dawn on me that my parents are literally going to pretend I'm still the old me for the rest of my life unless I force the issue.
This despite the fact that I'm very publicly out so everybody in my home town knows.
I get these things take time, but geez.
Mom Call Me Emily Challenge 2019
Mar 21, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
One year ago today, I told my therapist, "I'd like to think about thinking about transitioning," in true, "There are too many words in this sentence" fashion.
I thought I would have years before I began.
I made it about a week before coming out to a dear friend.
And then a few days more before coming out to my wife. And then more friends and more friends and coworkers and now, maybe, family.
I was 37. I thought I was ending my life, my marriage, my career. I wasn't.
There was more life on the other side.
Mar 21, 2019 • 23 tweets • 3 min read
I am home to come out to my sister and maybe my parents. I expect it to go well but know it may be the last time I see any of them, particularly the latter. Wish me luck?
Me: I know I've been a shitty brother...
My sister: No no no.
Me: A big part of that is I am actually your sister.
My sister: Huh? ... Oh. Oh!! Well I still love you and I support you no matter what. 😭😭😭😭
