It’s unusual to do a MEGATHREAD from my bed at 6.30am but I couldn’t sleep for wanting to get something off my chest. It’s possibly the predominant reason why I am ostracised from my industry so completely - because I tried to start ‘Me Too’ in the music biz.
🧵🧵🧵... I was encouraged to write this because my good friend Mr.C over on Facebook has taken it upon himself to try champion this - and firstly I felt I should warn him what happens (many consequences), but also it is apparent he isn’t aware at all of events that led up to this.

Entonces! This week’s MEGATHREAD is a very simple affair. It talks of a lifelong love affair with THE FUNK.

I am as obsessed with it today as I was back when I was a kid listening to my Mum and Dads records.

Earth Wind and Fire were my Gods.

MEGATHREAD 🧵🧵🧵 Eventually with a decade of my paper round I got enough together to buy the corpse of a drum kit.

A 2nd hand Premier Olympic. I’d got the bug at school having music lessons for several instruments.

At first it was just about early lunch pass, a dodge for getting off lessons.

Thanks for pitching-in folks. I got enough to get through the worst of the off-season. So I figure we are good for MEGATHREADS until about Feb.

so... MEGATHREAD 🧵🧵🧵

COVID relief fund cheaters and Plague Ravers - just where did our money (and brains) go? and why? Dare we even mention the ‘C’ word? One place determined to forget COVID forever is the UK.

A kind of collective amnesia exists to such a degree that anyone who even so much as mentions it, or even wears a mask, is demonised.

Let’s put something to one side for a minute, there were many long periods when I did not have COVID, not all of this is personal.

No one wanted to work, travel and play records at parties full of lovely people more than I did.

One of the most bizarre and hateful comments that would pop up a lot was the accusation that I didn’t want to work. But it was the language of the schoolyard, naturally.

Could be the last MEGATHREAD 🧵🧵 - judging by the huge reduction in engagement recently. Which in-turn suggested this topic. The reason why I do this. The reason why I pay for the tick. So people can see the journalism. Because that is what the Secret DJ project is for.

I did a solid 20 years of writing before the Secret DJ. Rarely got paid for it and compared to DJ wages in the 90s, who cared back then? A lot of it was fluff. But the thing that changed everything was GATECRASHERGATE. This thread would be like Lord of the Rings if I went into all the detail, but after hearing perhaps the 10th story of wrongdoing by them I went to a major dance mag and asked why no one talks about it and basically I was told to shut up, cos Gatecrasher owed them money. Lots.

Remember something very important when on here.

That ‘Far Right’ Brit spouting venom at you is highly likely not British at all.

The American Far Right and Russia are constantly trying to mess with you.

Stand fast.

Know your enemy. 'The Movement' was an attempt by Steve Bannon, arguably one of the most dangerous men on the planet, top unify the global Far Right. It was devised to destabilise Europe after the failure of TTIP.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Movem…

Boris Johnson is trending and while I hate him with every fibre of my being for reasons everyone else shares, I have a personal reason. Deeply personal.

I was stuck in Spain for COVID. Already had an evil dose of it very early on. High risk. I knew with absolute conviction what we were dealing with.

Thing is, I felt safe in Spain. There were roadblocks with machine guns. There were no crowds in parks or beaches. Within a matter of weeks the curve was flattened. We had adults in charge.

Populists by definition cannot make unpopular decisions, and a pandemic is literally a non-stop series of unpopular decisions that need to be made. Must be made.

Watching the absolute farce that unfolded in the UK was unreal. I was in a country taking real measures using science, while the leader of the UK was literally saying in public that it didn't exist. The it was 'just flu'. Then appearing without masks (intentionally) and saying he'd take a dose live on TV. I mean, not just the most obscene claptrap but also you could see the UK was palpably about 6 weeks behind the rest of the world.

And gradually, slowly, the COVID map of europe shed the red parts, the orange parts, soon Europe was shades of green.

Not the UK of course. Still red zones. Mostly orange.

One of the reasons Boris Johnson was so inept is Brexit. He prioritised it over COVID.

Things were looking OK, right wing Spaniards were demanding things open up. Normality was looming. And Boris Johnson went to India. Boris was in trade negotiations for Brexit with India's far right Gvt.

India had the Delta Variant. India had the most brutal circumstances for an outbreak imaginable. India was dying by the thousands daily.

As part of keeping India's far right sweet, Boris Johnson personally left the travel corridor with India open. No other nation on earth did. Tens of thousands of wealthy Indians with the Delta Variant flooded into the UK.

Suddenly the COVID map changed, London went red, then black. Glasgow went black. Boris was advised not just to shut the travel corridor with India. It was discovered that Delta was THREE HUNDRED TIMES the viral load of the Alpha Variant. It was a monster. And Boris Johnson may as well of brought it in his hand luggage in a jar.

And what did he do when told of this?

He opened all the stadiums for the football and then, unbelievably, opened all travel corridors and gave Brits infected with Delta the green light.

"Everybody go on holiday har har ho ho!" cried jolly Boris. Fully advised as to what this meant.

And within a week that COVID map of Europe showed a strange change. Much of it still green. No orange at all. But patches of red and even black in some spots.

Guess which spots?

Favourite holiday spots for the British.

And within 2 weeks of this - I got the Delta Variant, spent 3 weeks in hell trying to isolate while deranged with hypoxia, eventually emergency services having to break in, helicopter me to Majorca (Ibiza hospital overrun with sick Brits) 2 months in a coma. Nearly 2 years of complications.

I lost all my muscles to atrophy in my 50s. I lost everything. I could do nothing for the key 2 years after the worst of COVID. And I had to pay for it all. Tens of thousands.

I escaped with nothing but my life. And a day doesn't pass that I don't count myself very lucky...

Nor does a day pass when I do not curse the name of Boris Johnson.

Vile, lying filth.

At least a quarter of a million dead by his hands. Could be double that for all we know.

This is what I think when I see that name trending.

Boris Johnson? mass murderer. Sky covered the aftermath -

news.sky.com/story/covid-19…

You see this, this is what happens in real life. The bots can't show up on the streets.

On the right there (yeah the far right) are the 6 nazis who turned up to cause mayhem.

Everyone else is there to stop them.

This is England. not going great for them -

https://x.com/brightonsnapper/status/1821245186317631837

This week's MEGATHREAD 🧵 is pretty basic. I just figured we all need a wee cleanse. So I thought Id share some of my fave photos from over the years of Ibiza. Like a lot of immigrants in love with their host I got bang into the history of the place. I am mad for dogs and one of the true tragedies in my life is that I travel too much to have any. So once a week I volunteer at the local pound. It's heartbreaking sometimes but...

The Podenco is both feral and indigenous and you may recognise the head of Anubis -

Mates who tell me "ooo I can't come to see you it's SO expensive in Ibiza".

Mate, as if I would take you somewhere ripoff.

If I came to London would you take me to the Wolsey, Ritz, Annabels and the Ivy?

You get the Ibiza you are looking for same as anywhere else.

You want ripoff Ibiza, you will find ripoff Ibiza.

You think all the locals are minted? where do you think we go?

You went to Pikes mate, its a fucking hotel, of course you spent a lot.

Ibiza is chokka with proper.

You fell for the 'balearic' lie.

Real Balearic exists. Now.

Just because you don't know, doesn't mean it doesn't. Look, the entire 'balearic' myth sprouted from a real place. And that place was Ibiza and it was about adventurous working class kids taking a punt and going to extremely underground and highly international events, such as the daytime afterparty at Amnesia.

They called us 'Los Bocadillos' because a sandwich was all we could afford, and you know what, back then there were loads of places none of us could afford to go to either. One of the reasons we went to afterparties was because we couldn't afford the nightclubs.

The Brits are pretty much the only people who do this 'balearic' nonsense. Lost in a lie that they created something by stealing from Alfredo and passing it off as theirs, something they do right up to this day.

But its a large lie. Because 'balearic' only exists in the minds of handful of Silverbacks. Balearic however never went anywhere. Because Balearic isn't a genre - it's an address. Ibiza is still here and still does interesting and amazing pan-national and cosmopolitan events that the Brits have no more clue about than they did 40 years ago. It never stopped doing them. What stopped was curious Brits looking for adventure. Because they now think they own it.

it's old fashioned colonialism. 'Oh hello, this looks jolly interesting - kill it immediately, label it, put it in a jar and stick it in a museum'.

The Brits think they own 'balearic' now of course. And in a sense they do. They own the travesty they created. But 'balearic' has as little to do with the truly Balearic as going to the museum to look at the 'Elgin Marbles' has to do with Greek history.

Think about it. Not including a handful of spinoff individuals from the Brit scene - does any other country do this? I'll save you the bother - the answer is no.

Look Dad. There's nothing wrong with you, or your hobby. Don't hate me for giving you a fact sandwich. The thing is - Balearic is right here. It's not judging you. Any time you want to emerge blinking from fucking Pikes and actually engage with the island it will welcome you. The issue is that you have replaced the real with a construct. It's easier to go to Pikes where everyone speaks English and you might see your favourite English DJs. The real Ibiza is scary. They don't care how hard you balearic at them cos to Ibiza the construct is utter nonsense.

If you go back to the original humble model - curious folk wandering into the unfamiliar and exotic - you are Balearic my friend. That is what it was always about. And always will be.

Visiting balearic Butlins is not it.

One of the things I have been trying to explain to UK folks about how touring has changed under the Right Wing is in relation to something that has been discussed over the years in detail in @PrivateEyeNews, but I will try to condense here -

PUBCOS - a thread… 🧵 In tandem with the rise of hedge funds, ‘disruptors’ and the global grasping machine - in the UK during the Tory reign you may have noticed something?

Did you notice how pubs seemed to change hands a lot? Or close down for periods? Or close completely? Or turned into flats?

Unsurprisingly it is deeply unpopular but one of the abiding missions of the Secret DJ project is to police our industry as best we can and to expose wrongdoing wherever it pops up.

It pains me to do this one as he operates in secrecy and wants no one to know his activities.

But people should know.

Of all the major industry players and mega DJs who earn millions, only Carl Cox made a significant donation to Alfredo. He did it without prompting, I did not have to bully him or even contact him and he did not pretend he didn't know about or hide behind handlers and keepers.

Just very early on he saw it, and he gave. In fact gave the most generously of all.

I am sorry but I could not sit on this industry secret for a minute longer.

People need to know just how humble, kind and honest this man is. And always was.

Carl, we salute you Sir.

I give to you the Golden Good Egg Award - 🥚

You total legend. I'd met him a few times and even had the great honour to do a warmup for him at a hometown gig in Brixton (for me, having been based there for most of my time in the UK)

but my most abiding memory of him is of course in Ibiza.

I used to go to DC-10 religiously back when it was basically some bamboo, a hut and a sound system.

eventually the terrace came into being and you'd find me by the steps up to the booth every monday after having finished at Space and I'd be there when they opened at 6am and still there when they kicked out.

eventually 'superstar DJs' started to visit and Carl turned up. He came over to 'DJ corner' over by the steps up to the booth and I don't know if you remember but the handrail up to the booth was staggered - and one of the great unwritten rules of discos is that if there is a flat surface anywhere at all it will get colonised by drinks.

I was off my chops as per and I came barrelling back from the bogs to change the record, hoofed it up the stairs and completely forgot the handrail was no longer a handrail but a row of hundreds of precariously balanced liquids and half-empties and knocked almost a bucket full of booze all over Carl who was standing right under it. And it was very early and not super busy so naturally absolutely every eye in the place was looking at Carl, it being his first visit.

The crowd literally went silent and I was frozen in a cartoon pose of being busted and also a very large idiot. Literally any person in the world, never mind industry royalty, would have been outraged and furious.

In front of about 700 people Carl just laughed and started miming having a shower.

The whole gaff was roaring with laughter and with one gesture totally let me off the hook. Soon after I profusely apologised and he just laughed and said "I'll bring some imperial leather next time".

He's one of a kind that bloke.

Megathread alert. 🧵
He's been my mate for a very long time. This is a thread about Alfredo. The rotters may decide this is about self-aggrandisement but if you stick with me until the end of the story, you will see why not.

And of course, many tunes - My journey into dance music had very little to do with New York and Chicago. I came from industrial, indie and the European sound. More in common with Sheffield than Detroit. More Giorgio and Vangelis than Frankie and Larry.

The UK slowly and very quietly officially entered recession. Personally I left because it was obvious that all this and more was coming.

You may or may not hear about this on the news, but if you are overseas all you have to do every day is go to a cashpoint and watch the arse drop out of the pound day after day after day.

British products have disappeared from shops here in Europe. European papers are not triumphant but morosely curious. 'How could this happen?' or 'Has the UK gone insane?'.

I also left because it was clear that the Left would rather fight itself than get rid of the Tories. The Centre Left would happily let the UK burn than allow socialism, the Far Left would rather spoil a ballot than vote Centre. Embarrassing really.

The UK got what it wanted in the end.

Ruin.

And we let it happen. All of us.

newstatesman.com/comment/2024/0… newstatesman.com/comment/2024/0…

🧵
It's a really tough subject, the whole 'balearic' schmeer.

I use a small 'b' for the British scene which is 'balearic' and a capital for things that actually refer to the Balearic.

Ultimately the original Balearic feeling was 'no rules' -
..and of course the British, being British, saw a beautiful thing fluttering in the sun and immediately put it in a jar, killed it, took it home, stuck a pin in it and put it on display as a 'discovery' and after time, even claimed authorship.

🧵
1.
It's easy to forget I am a DJ. I don't really get paid for anything else significantly. I forget myself sometimes.

There's loads of music here for you for New Years, and what follows below is a thread of my fave tracks from the last 40 years...

mixcloud.com/SECRE_DJ_MIXES/ No need to be alone on NYE. I will be here to chat if you like.

One of my earliest fave tunes is mentioned in my books. It was the one that really hooked me into the whole thing.

The mighty, mighty "Humanoid" -