Cooking for a man isn’t just cooking. It’s not just a basic skill. To men, it is a stamp of care; it is the easiest feminine urge that most women have—to feed the people they love.

So when a woman is saying “I can’t cook for a man” “I can’t wake up to cook for my husband…”

A man is hearing “She doesn’t love me enough to nurture my primary needs.” The underlying problem isn’t cooking, it’s the virtue that compels a woman to cook for her man. It’s the ‘ignored boy’ in every man who desires food & sex. A man feels important that his woman remembers his meal-time and is thoughtful enough to plan or make something on the spot

I met my wife over the phone in March 2022. We spoke for hours that night, and a week after, I told her that I liked her and would want to pursue marriage. We started dating in June, I proposed on our one year dating anniversary, and got married in January of 2023( 6 months later).

When a man is ready, he moves intentionally. Nothing stops a man who’s ready! He communicates with clarity and intentionality. A husband is never comfortable being a boyfriend for long. He wants to move mountains to stamp matrimonial status on your relationship with him.

When I told my dad that I had found a wife. He said to me: “Remember, you’ll never get 100% in anybody. If they can offer you 60%, take it. You guys can work on 20% to push it to 80%, and you use love and tolerance to cover the remaining 20%.” This means that religiously sticking to getting all you want is foolish. Find a partner that has strong fundamentals and is open to evolving in the right direction. Marriage is a forever of learning together & your expectations shouldn’t require ultimate perfection at the start.

Because I hate using canned tomatoes. Every two to four weeks, I mass produce the tomato paste we use to cook. So time consuming, and then I remember that I rather waste time on this than buy can tomatoes that I find disgusting and unhealthy. I casually shared this. I thought it was common knowledge. It’s just the tomatoes, add some bell peppers for more flavor and redness, add garlic, ginger, onions. Then I grill it in the oven to get the smoky feel a bit. Then blend everything together and boil away the water. Pack it and store in the refrigerator. Use when you want to!

It’s simple.

Months into marriage, I felt that marriage was hard and that it slowed me down. Planning a wedding, moving to and settling in a new country, and being a first-time husband — it’s hard. A friend corroborated that getting married slowed him down at first.

An important thread Slow down here means a sense of responsibility that makes you less passionate about anything that isn’t focal to your family. After marriage, I felt I was disconnecting from some things I love. My phone and social media time drastically reduced, and my time on the guitar too.

My first school fees was paid by my pastor, back in RCCG. He gave me clothes, shoes and essentials. He bought my friend his first camera as a photographer. He set up countless youths. And he wasn’t super rich. He was a middle-class earner.

Pastors/churches have done more than people appreciate. Despite the peculiar flaws of the church, I received more financial support from church than from Nigeria as a state. I met my sponsor in church while serving as a zonal youth leader. He loved my zest, fervency and brilliance, and offered to sponsor me in school.

One of the reasons some men expect you to cook and clean for them while dating, is because you’re open to spending the weekend with them. You shouldn’t be spending multiple days in a boyfriend’s house. First, it minimizes chances of falling into sexual sin. Secondly, it shields you from some bizarre domestic expectations from musty men. Some women start sleeping at their boyfriend’s after two weeks of dating. Are you homeless, unloved at home, and lack personal boundaries? Why won’t he pack all his dirty clothes and plates and order you to wash them? You act homeless and untrained.

Marriage will teach you that:

1. You’ll forgive your wife in two seconds, but she’ll need 3-5 working days to process your forgiveness.

2. When your wife gives a shopping suggestion or recommends something to buy, you just agree. Do same and you’ll have to example to her why y’all need it, if the price is justifiable, etc🤦🏼 3. Women are never wrong. Just apologize and have a happy home.

4. If your wife causes you guys to go out late, it’s okay. Be the cause of lateness, hell will rise🌝

5. When your wife is stressed, your presence annoys her. Don’t disappear either, just… I-honestly-don’t-know🙃😂

I’d have sworn in my early twenties that gender stereotypes are all nonsense, but now I’m married, and I know that they exist. You probably want to rip me apart, but why do ‘ALL’ wives…
1. take up all the space in bed and still complain and ask us(husbands) to shift? Shift to… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 2. Why do all wives send their husbands on errand? They enjoy it, especially when we are about to rest, they’ll pop the next errand.

3. Why do all wives like to eat from their husbands plates? Give them a chance, they’ll take a large chunk of your food, but they’ll only let you… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Virginity is different from sexual purity. Some virgins are not sexually pure and some non-virgins are sexually pure. Virginity is the state of not having had sexual intercourse, however, it’s possible to perform other sexual activities without the act of sex, which makes you… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… I encourage virginity as it actually should be a pointer to sexual purity, but there’s a dichotomy in the reality of this. As Christians, we are called to not just virginity, but to chastity. Hence, a non-virgin who’s now given to a life of abstinence is PURE(r) than a virgin who… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

I’ve observed that Nigerians who migrate to the US are the most quiet & seemingly focused set of Nigerian immigrants. They don’t do Tiktok and YouTube videos to nag and nag, they just focus on their work or studies. Maybe, life in the US requires one to focus much more than UK🙃 I think the US system is carved to reward true excellence, and that justifies why the Black immigrants are the most educated and successful people in the US. Academically, it follows suit.

I have a story,

I almost broke up with my then-girlfriend, my now forever wife, because I felt that our interests weren’t same. I thought I wanted someone who loved everything I loved, and had same interests as me. Looking back, I was foolish.

https://twitter.com/8eightpillars/status/1673022720760487936

I spoke to a friend who said these words to me: “as long as she fulfills her duty as a wife, Solomon, you’re good.” and it occurred to me that many times we young people marry interests, degrees, status, and ‘compatibility’, we don’t marry people.

Young Christians, we need to fight to preserve the gospel; we accepting everything in the name of tolerance; we want to show more empathy than God. Pardon me, but I’ll reference the Muslims: Qatar rejected flying the LGBTQ flag at World Cup, and it was respected, despite pressure… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… Have you thought about why they don’t try this with Muslims? Why do they never impose these things on Muslims? Why always Christians? Because many of us are weak, compromising and try to be more loving than God. You can’t love people outside the truth of God’s word.

If visit your fiancé’s house & your MIL-to-be is sweeping, it is polite to offer to help her out. It’s not oppression and they are not making you their cleaner. If they are cooking, it’s only sensible to try to join them. It’s a way of blending in as a family. It’s our culture. As a man, I’ll not sit and watch my MIL-to-be sweep, without rendering help. I won’t watch my FIL-to-be washing his car without helping. It is bad behaviour, especially if the mindset behind it is “Why should I? After all, I am a visitor…” No, you’re not, you’re becoming family.

Women, while we encourage men to marry as far as they can provide necessities, please give up on demanding an expensive wedding. If your man is still starting life, you don’t need that big wedding. You can rent a cheap gown, be okay with a cheap ring, get a MUA friend help you. You don’t need the exorbitant sheen. Chalk away the bridal train, party, and instead, your friends can support you with the price they’d have spent on that. This is addressed to women because a lot of women are sentimental about their wedding day.

It is sad to see that in our generation man who has a job that can pay his basic bills is considered broke. Can you guys stop? Financial stability means that you can afford to feed, pay rent, clothe yourself, you are debt free and have some savings. Stop this nonsense mindset. When financial stability is mentioned, your minds race to owning a big house, exotic cars, going on expensive trips, and having a top job. This is luxury, and yes, luxury is a level of financial stability, but isn’t only the kind of financial stability.

My kid sis got married at 23 to my friend, 25. He was working with Exxonmobil; doing absolutely well for himself. Six months into marriage, he was laid off because of COVID. I know a lot of men want to have strong financial base to get married, but that’s not what you need. What you need is a partner that understands the reality that you can lose everything, and they need to be there for you. Marriage thrives on understanding and contentment—come what may, both of you will hold it together. That’s the real control and security you can have.

My younger sister married while in school; she was pregnant in her final year & her husband supported her. She graduated with a distinction — 2nd best graduating student from her dept. She runs multiple little businesses now, and will be furthering her education.

https://twitter.com/mpruedie/status/1664808770000625664

When statements like these are made, all I see is trauma. Sometimes I want to get angry, but I remember that people see things mostly through the lens of trauma, and trauma distorts things. Marriage with the right person, in fact, accelerates your growth.

This marriage thing is 90% your wife sending you on errands 🤣— “please iron this trouser for me”, “please, cut the onions for me”, “why are you standing while I’m washing plates, come and join me”, “please go and check who’s at the door”, “please cleanse the sink.” Almost no off… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… Honestly, if you lack accountability and team spirit, marriage will frustrate you. As a man, you may feel your wife is commanding you, but no bro, you ought to do things in the house; it’s your home too. It is what you should do. I think so.

I had a flight last night with an airline I’ve never used before(name withheld), and the flight was delayed by over one hour. While I was seated at the boarding room, one of the airline staff came, took my boarding pass and changed my seat number—from economy to business class .… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… Prior to her coming, I was panicky as usual ‘cos of my intense fear of flying, and my seat was a middle seat, which goes against my penchant for always selecting the window seat. It was also a seat down the plane, and that makes me feel the gravity loss during take off more.

It’s an oxymoron to say you love Jesus and you belong to Him, but your views, opinions and thoughts about things does not reflect Jesus. Your love for Jesus means absolutely nothing, if it’s not seen in your opinions, thoughts, actions and values.

John 14:21 GNB
““Those who… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… The proof of love to God is obedience. Obedience means doing as He says. Doing as God says means uploading His standards against every other imagination. The real question is: while you have “ABBA’s Delight” on your bio. Do you actually uphold Jesus in actions and thoughts?