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Jenks Profile picture
Jenks
@TheLostBride
Artist. Tips: https://t.co/tHtecLtloU "...quintessentially British awkwardness.." - Danny Robins "I never said you could use that quote" - Danny Robins
2 subscribers
Oct 7 • 15 tweets • 3 min read
Overheard an insane conversation earlier, in the Perranporth Beach public toilets.

If the person on the phone was one of you lot, a follower of mine, then of course I'm wrong, it was a perfectly reasonable conversation and please forgive me.

So, I'd just finished peeing, when.. ..I heard a voice from one of the stalls say (and for privacy reasons, I won't use the actual name, I'll say Sandra instead of Kellie):

"Sandra? Sandra. Shut up. Listen. Before you start, I just want you to hear my side of the story."

Immediately, I was like...what story, hmmm?
Jun 27, 2023 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
Saturday I was at the post office (exciting stuff). After I mailed my item, I turned to leave, and I passed this lady on her way in. I was checking a receipt, so I barely registered her.

Outside, I put my receipt in my wallet, my wallet in my pocket, and I turned to walk away... Something caught my eye. The post office is really small, but has a large glass window. Huge. It's basically a large fish tank for people that want to mail things.

Anyway, the lady I had passed on the way in was wearing a neon orange top, really bright, and it caught my eye.
Jun 25, 2023 • 23 tweets • 5 min read
I'm sorry if you've heard me tell this story before. Many of you will have seen me tweet it previously. But I just love it for what it is, and I make no apologies for that.

In primary school, when I was about 7, I met this young boy. A new kid in school. I'll call him Ben. Usually I'd change a person's name for privacy, but I just realised that his name begins with B. And that's brilliant. You'll see why.

Nearly 40 years and I only just noticed his name starts with B.

Anyway, the first time I met Ben, he told me, straight out told me, that...
Jun 24, 2023 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
My mother used to suffer with travel sickness. It would often come on suddenly and unexpectedly. This one time, we were on a family trip through the Cotswolds when she shouted, "Dave! Dave! Dave! Stop the car! I'm gonna be sick!" to my father.

My dad brought the car to a stop... ..right outside this delightful, quaint, picturesque Cotswold pub. The outside packed with tables surrounded by happy folk enjoying their day.

They all turned to see what the screech of brakes was about, in time to see my mother PROJECTILE vomit, for AT LEAST a good 30 seconds.
Jan 13, 2020 • 24 tweets • 5 min read
Just had a very weird experience in the Post Office. It's not funny or amusing. Just weird. There's no humorous ending or anything like that, it was just...odd.

So anyway, I'm standing in the Post Office, with about 5 parcels to mail, and I've been in there for about 20 mins. Every person in front of me is taking FOREVER.
'Can I mail this parcel as a letter?'
'Can I mail this letter as a parcel?'
'Why didn't my son receive the Christmas present I sent him?'
'I think I have a winning scratchcard at home, if I bring it in, can you check it for me?'