The Mossad: The Social Media Account Profile picture
We put lasers on aquatic animals and other satirical shenanigans
🇧🇷Chemist🇧🇷 Profile picture Brian Sacks Profile picture AM Green Profile picture Dave Bender Profile picture Dave Maxwell Profile picture 6 added to My Authors
Dec 16, 2021 6 tweets 2 min read
Strap in agents, it's ratio time 🍿 Like the time he tried to instigate a holy war against Jews based on a hypothetical scenario in which Jews might *gasp* pay respects to their religion at their most holy site. Image
Sep 5, 2021 8 tweets 3 min read
Allow us to fix your lie, at least to maintain consistency with your previous lie.

1/8 Israa has been 32 years old since 2016.

The incident in question happened in 2015. Not 2 years ago.

2/8
Jul 20, 2021 5 tweets 4 min read
Thread of retailers announcing they will stop stocking @benandjerrys ice cream. Adding as we receive them.

Meanwhile, please continue to support @BenJerrysIsrael 🇮🇱. @benandjerrys @BenJerrysIsrael Kosher Kingdom Food Market
Aron's Kissena Farms
Cedar Market
Gourmet Glatt

Morton Williams
Glatt Express Supermarket
Shalom Kosher
Seasons
Jul 20, 2021 6 tweets 2 min read
Our feelings about @benandjerrys.

You have every right to enact your values through your company. You have made it clear your values are politically driven and while most companies choose not to divide their customers, you do. Your choice.

1/6
Jews, 95% of whom consider themselves Zionists, are under constant attack around the world. You decided to side with an extremist group of antisemites with ties to internationally recognized terror organizations.

2/6
Jun 26, 2021 8 tweets 2 min read
"How was Islamic Jihad summer camp sweetie?" Hello Muddah, Hello Fatah
Here I am at Camp Jihada
Camp's a very good sensation
At least without this smoke inhalation
May 23, 2021 6 tweets 2 min read
Results of Operation Guardian of the Walls:

We are going to share a report based on an investigation into the 74 named Palestinians that were killed during the course of the operation.

israellycool.com/2021/05/23/rep…
Source (@terrorisminfo)
🧵1/6 It is important to highlight that despite:
- Hamas policy of operating within civilian populations & intentionally endangering civilians of all ages.
- Hamas actively encouraging & in some cases forcing civilians to be human shields

Uninvolved civilian casualties are low.

🧵2/6
May 16, 2021 15 tweets 5 min read
This thread could use an update. ImageImage This may hold the record for oldest picture to be used for #Pallywood yet. Image
May 15, 2021 4 tweets 1 min read
Hi. Jew here.
Every thing in that tweet is a lie.

Many rockets hit heavily populated cities including the Tel Aviv area. Israelis and foreign nationals as young as 5 have been killed. The US didn't "buy" us anything. It shows you have no understanding of how US-Israel Defence agreements work. The Iron Dome was developed here in Israel.
May 14, 2021 8 tweets 2 min read
Wir lieben es!
🇮🇱🇦🇹🇪🇺 Image Líbí se nám to!
🇮🇱🇨🇿 Image
Apr 20, 2021 6 tweets 2 min read
We have been getting so many badly translated death threats in the past few days we're thinking of making a dedicated twitter account just to share them all. I
Mar 21, 2021 6 tweets 2 min read
About this time BDS is tweet storming #UnitedAgainstRacism.

They're probably going to use this opportunity to point out that racism exists in Israel as if it doesn't exist anywhere else.

Well, sure it does. Are we trying to recognize it and treat it? We sure hope so. Sure we can give you graphics disproving the claim that there is no discrimination in health care.
Feb 6, 2021 6 tweets 1 min read
After attempting to annihilate the Jews in the Middle East by all out war, boycotts, embargoes, stabbings, shootings, suicide bombings, murdering Olympic athletes, hijacking planes, pushing disabled persons off boats, car rammings, kidnappings, launching rockets, explosive balloons, more stabbings, cultural boycotts, academic boycotts, commercial boycotts, sports boycotts, social media abuse, synagogue massacres, murdering entire families in their sleep, hijacking a bus and going on a shooting spree, mass shootings in schools,
Dec 2, 2020 9 tweets 5 min read
ANNOUNCEMENT
I'm throwing in my hat for Knesset.

I'll be running an extremist campaign filled with factual errors and lofty unachievable promises. We will have diplomatic relations with Antarctica and we will put a man on Io.

#IsraElex4
#Mossad4PM 🇮🇱 Spoiler about Io: it'll be @khamenei_ir and he won't be coming back.
Oct 18, 2020 6 tweets 2 min read
Welcome to the club, French police. Welcome to the club. Poor knife man. nytimes.com/video/multimed…
Sep 13, 2020 9 tweets 2 min read
Anyone who is familiar with Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People can go down the list of all 7 to see how the Palestinian Authority failed at each one and explain how it's their own damn fault.
jpost.com/middle-east/pa… 1. Be proactive.
Take the initiative to respond to your experiences positively and improve the situation within your circle of influence.

PA Grade: F
Only reacts. And always negatively.
Jul 26, 2020 13 tweets 2 min read
Antisemitism: A Brief History

100 - 1100
Q: What is the worst possible thing you can be accused of?
A: Deicide

Conclusion: The Jews killed Jesus Christ 1100 - 1500
Q: What is the worst possible thing you can be accused of?
A: Ritual murder of children

Conclusion: The Jews disembowel children for their pastries.
Jul 13, 2020 5 tweets 1 min read
Farrakhan's followers are saying that the Jewish people aren't the original Jews and not actual Semites.

Boy will there be egg on Tomás de Torquemada's face when he realizes he inquisited the wrong people. Farrakhan's followers are saying that the Jewish people aren't the original Jews and not actual Semites.

Boy will there be egg on Adolf Hitler's face when he realizes he genocided the wrong people.
Jul 13, 2020 8 tweets 4 min read
Look at this woman enjoying her #JewishPrivilege. Jews in Baghdad sure enjoyed their #JewishPrivilege in 1941.
Jul 5, 2020 20 tweets 4 min read
We are dealing with the following types of antisemites:

1) We acknowledge your existence, but we don't acknowledge your right to govern yourselves free of persecution.
2) We acknowledge your existence, but we also think you are the cause of all the world's problems. 3) We acknowledge your existence, but we have to kill you.
4) We acknowledge your existence, but we only like you if you fit the narrow definition of a stereotypical neurotic Jew.
5) We don't acknowledge your existence and the people who call themselves Jews are from Russia.
Jun 24, 2020 4 tweets 2 min read
- How Not To Get Shot By Israeli Security Personnel -

If you intentionally ram a border guard with your vehicle, you might get shot. And you might die.

"His foot slipped." That's a good one!

*Driving minding his own business.
*Looks for Zeppelin cassette
*Drops it on the floor right before border crossing
*Steers into border guards
*Hits gas
*Books it on foot

Yet remembered to make a goodbye video.
May 29, 2020 14 tweets 9 min read
We expect @TwitterComms to treat @khamenei_ir's tweets under the same policy. Surely this tweet goes against the aforementioned policy? @jack @Twitter