From my interactions with the married & the wilfully unmarried, I have come to the conclusion that only the latter truly respect marriage as an institution. Contrary to popular sentiment, the unmarried are not afraid of commitment. They respect commitment.
Enough to recognize that commitment demands investment and that they lack the requisite time, emotional, or material capital. These are not the acts of cowards as has been painted over the years. They are acts of sane, self-aware individuals with esoteric levels of discipline.
Nov 29 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
How can a child tell its its mother? What is home? is home a place? Is it a people? Over the years, and against concerted denials, I have come to the conclusion that mans greatest aspiration is feelings. People simply want to feel good, everything else is a vessel.
When one suffers a heartbreak, it is not the absence of the individual they mourn but the loss of the feelings the latter inspired in them. Similarly, it is possible for one to fall out of love too. Because even though the individual is present, he no longer inspires similar passion.
Apr 29 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
It's the knowledge that I could be alone if I wanted. But I picked my person, because of a value/connection I could not find with someone else (or alone). And that sustaining that value demands responsibility on my part. That I made the decision to be with her. It's not a prison.
I have a grounded identity outside of relationships. I enjoy cooking just as much as I enjoy playing football. Therefore, I do not assess women's appeal from a needs perspective. If I invite one into my life it's because I really really like them. No mistakes.
Mar 16 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
I recently had to let a woman I thought I'd marry go. We had everything going for us: Both loved reading, nature, teetotalers, & fitness enthusiasts but, I got tired of not being trusted. Always being accused of things I didn't do, trying to mend insecurities I didn't cause.
This is the woman I've been most honest with in life: Anyone who knows me knows how secretive I get. A woman I talked to daily for not less than an hour despite the distance & never suffered boredom for it. But I was a villain from the get-go: Men cheat & lie, so I did. Or would.
Feb 28 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Polygamy is so misrepresented in modern African literature. It was not simply a 'patriarchal' imposition because men were irredeemably horny & greedy. In drought-prone areas, it was a resilience mechanism. More hands were also needed for subsistence farming.
You also have to understand standardized, modern medicine was absent; more kids meant better continuity potential. You needed as many children as you could to guarantee that at least 2 or 3 will make it to adulthood & survive the clan.
Feb 10 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
Let me give you an experience I had for context:
Some time back, I was seeing someone who is in - relatively - the upper echelon of public service. She had an interview for a new job. We are driving - a few days to the interview - & she receives a call.
She picks it up & it's a group call by her friends & her supervisor, coaching her for the interview. They were also to meet later for a mock interview session. A few minutes later, 2 dudes called. They were also offering her critical tips on how to ace the interview.
Feb 10 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
The reason I say men are their own problems is this:
1. Men mock men for getting cheated on. 2. Men mock men for getting abused by their wives. 3. Men won't develop other critical values - or front anything but money to women & then claim women only love them for their money.
4. Men will get money & defile their marriages. Then lose the money & get left; then claim they were only loved for their money.
5. Men start a business, & center sexual favors as the primary employment criteria, at the expense of qualified males. The victims will fault women.
Feb 4 • 15 tweets • 4 min read
Not a thought process; more of an epiphany. Something unexpected they do that leaves you gaping. They decide it for you. I'll tell a little story of my experience:
Me & A came from the same village. We'd been dating about 3 years. She worked & schooled in the coast...
February arrives, she has a break, she comes over to Kitui. We decide to travel home together to see our people. Her home was less than 2 kilometers from mine, so we'd meet on the railway line in the evening.
Valentines comes, I had some money to spare.
Jan 28 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
We're in a period of unprecedented deceit & opportunism. If you find someone to love you; who is patient & kind with you; is honest & seeks after your welfare: please do not be difficult. Do not let your ego get in the way of a good thing. A good thing has never been more elusive
I know you think there is more out here. I know you think you are doing them a favor, & that they are going nowhere anyway. I know because I have been you. Several times. Unfortunately, for you, the good ones, too, eventually tire & leave.
Jan 28 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
How I overcame/overcome sadness:
1. Be giving
When you're sad, life is asking you a question: & I have increasingly found that the best response is in giving. Buy that homeless guy a meal. It does something to your subconscious to know that someone slept better coz you lived.
2. Be kind
It's not very popular right now but I guarantee, it's good for your psyche. Be the reason someone smiled. Either by a compliment or gesture. It doesn't have to be loud, just start with something as simple as a greeting. Kindness does not expect, it just is. Be it.
Jan 27 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
The problem with dating people raised in wealth, especially foreigners, is that they are looking for an adrenaline rush when you're literally trying to get away from it completely because the source of her adrenaline rush/dopamine has been your unfortunate reality forever.
You are seated there thinking, "Finally, a woman I get to build something with. We'll sit down, plan for our future." but all she is fantasizing about is wrecking shit. She doesn't understand why you are so obsessed with building things: "Don't be boring."
Oct 22, 2023 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
The Hamas PR on Twitter is unparalleled: Israel was supposed to sit back & watch its people get annihilated because anything else risked offending the world? I am not for violence, but if violence is good for Hamas, it is good for Israel.
And what does proportionality even mean in the conflict? Hamas shells Israel, Israel has the amenities to repel. Israel retaliates & Hamas hides behind the citizens it claims to be protecting, who become casualties: but Israel is the bad one because fewer of its people died?
Sep 26, 2023 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
Funniest hookup: that time I woke up at 2:00 am to find that the lady was not in bed. I ran to the living room thinking she'd robbed me only to find her curled on the sofa, crying. I asked why she crying in darkness. She said, she doesn't think I was taking her seriously....
I didn't understand but I tried to be calm. Coz you know, she looked unhinged. Didn't want her committing suicide in my house. So I asked her what she meant. She said, "you think everything I have told you today, I tell to every man?" Honestly, she'd told me about her dogs.
Sep 25, 2023 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
EVENINGS IN THE TRAFFIC JAM RAIN:
2012 - I'll get a job; good job. 60K starting salary. Nothing less. With my 1st class, it should be easy. We are in demand. But it's just for the capital. Once I get the capital, I'll go my way. Start my company. No rat races for me.
2015- Okay, 30K. I'll take it. 30K isn't so bad. There are no jobs. And it's just a starting salary, anyway. I'll grow in there. And the experience will come in handy. That's how John started. Look at him now. I'll buy a TV. Fridge. It's better than staying home.
Sep 24, 2023 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
If a man took on responsibility beyond his age in his formative years, he will be less likely to want to commit to serious relationships: because relationships manifest to him in the form of responsibility. He does not see the love; he sees only the responsibility.
It reminds him of the impositions he suffered. And he is afraid he will suffer similar impositions in the future. He is hesitant and afraid, to lose both his childhood and adulthood. And the therapist will say it is because he is avoidant. The preacher will say he has a demon.
Sep 21, 2023 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Hierarchy of Relationships in the city:
1. One Night Stand:
This is the lowest in the hierarchy. Being drunk is both a prerequisite and excuse. The sex is awful, involves exaggerated moaning to make up for absence of intimacy, & awkwardness the next day. Avoid. Use protection.
2. BFF:
Orbiters. He/she likes her/him, but is afraid of telling them because they may lose the privilege of proximity. So he/she does her/his bidding. Buy her things; wash his house. Because they think their goodness will finally lead her/,him to them. Go find something to do.
Aug 21, 2023 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
Back in 2020, I downloaded Tinder, where I matched with a certain Linda. Beautiful woman: Tall, pretty, and shapely. The fact that she didn't want me to call her over the phone should have been the 1st red flag but she told me, she wanted to take it a step at a time.
She'd said she was an indoors person. Had only been out once in 4 years. But that she was goofy, spontaneous & real. She sent voice notes, she was always whispering. But she said it was coz her voice was raspy. And I wasn't going to let a whisper get in the way of love.
Jul 23, 2023 • 12 tweets • 2 min read
There is a silent pandemic. One that is yet to erupt because of the stigma around it. But very soon, will. You all know it. You all experience it. If not you, then vicariously, through a relative or friend. There is massive joblessness in Kenya. We are just concealing it well.
Especially among individuals who graduated in the last 6 years: for every 10 individuals, only 2 are decently employed. The rest interned for a year and haven't been employed since. Many opted for non-scalable freelancing gigs and are since stuck in a rut with dwindling returns.
Jul 8, 2023 • 16 tweets • 3 min read
Life is a game of inches. Back in 2020, I went to a certain town on a work errand, which lasted a week. On the last day, I finished in the afternoon, got my ticket, & went to while away time in town, waiting for my 5:00 pm flight. While there, I passed by a cybercafe...
...I wanted to print a few items. The cyber was manned by a quiet lady (Naomi). I love women in loose maxi dresses & that's the 1st thing that struck me about her. She also had on a nice, grey waterfall sweater. She was beautiful. Graceful beauty. Like a stream, not an ocean.
Jun 27, 2023 • 17 tweets • 4 min read
So let me tell you how I lost my job after 4 months back in 2018. I had just been employed in an NGO & my boss was a White lady called Ms. Charlotte from Florida. It wasn't long before she took a liking to me. She'd tell my colleagues he wants them to "have initiative like T."
One time she invited me to a restaurant for coffee after work. Said she liked my drive. I said "It's all Jesus, ma'am!" Asked where I got my muscles from, I said my papa. 3rd month, we were practically meeting daily.
Jun 2, 2023 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Maybe I'm too old. Maybe, I have been a little too lucky. But I do not believe that the term "relationships are transactional" is limited to monetary exchange. It alludes to exchange of value. Women can love you because you are funny, or intelligent, or just because...
But many men are victims of confirmation bias. They assign rejection to the thing that brings them the most insecurity even when it's not at fault: moneylessness. It helps them cope/avoid the pain that comes with outright rejection. Truth is, many of you have been loved gratis.
