It eluded us then but that's no matter: tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms further.
And one fine morning...
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Apr 18 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
Growing up, it was always the odd couple with the longest, best relationship. He'd look like a man from WWII: laconic, lanky, awkward. She, on the other hand, would be utterly vivacious, short in stature. You'd never hear anything of their romance, except see them together.
On Sundays, you'd see them heading to the market: him with long strides; her with tiny, quick ones... telling a tale. And he would smile once in a while to acknowledge her, but otherwise look distracted. Focused on some clandestine pursuit. Ever in a world of his own. Square peg
Apr 10 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
There is a perfectly logical explanation for why Africans generally do not keep time as "diligently" as their foreign peers. It is rooted in historical African traditions, & continues to influence our interactions today.
In western society, time is a commodity that must be exploited or traded. Conversely, in traditional African society, time is not a pre-existing endowment to be traded. It needed to be produced. Or made.
So, Africans defined time on the basis of events, not numerical values
Mar 30 • 11 tweets • 2 min read
Last time I was away, I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in quite a long time. In her 30s, quite successful, single. So later on I offered to link her up with a few buddies. But I said, they may not be as successful yet. She said, "I want an earning man. Not a moneyed man".
Which was interesting, because I had never had it phrased that way. So I said, "what is the difference?" She said an earning man knows the value of commitment because he is committed to something. He is not idle. He is productive & there is a tangible, scalable result.
Mar 26 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
1. Men are just getting brutally logical about relationships. There are no incentives in marriage beyond the romance attached to it. You can get a kid outside of marriage. Can get sex outside. Can get companionship outside it, why marry & risk losing your autonomy & money?
2. Men did not "waste time". This simple inference ignores the critical socioeconomics of relationships. It takes comparatively longer for men to establish themselves. Especially in my continent, where the few boomer men in power are governed by their loins.
Mar 6 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
I remember one time, I was on a school break. Long holidays. Campus. I had decided not to go home, took up with a friend. I remember telling her I needed to make money, & she protesting profusely that she had not seen me in ages. It was not fair. I was 23 & she was 21...
4 weeks went by in silence. Then she called. It was a Tuesday, I think. Said, "I want to see you". I thought, this woman is crazy. She is like a 1,000 miles away in the village, she knows I cannot see her. Then she said, "I am in Nairobi. I need to see you!"
Feb 15 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
I learned to enjoy my free time from a friend who suffered divorce only 2 years into marriage . Never re-married. Met him in a gallery. I asked, do you not get lonely? He said, I do alone everything I would be doing with a woman. Women only complement. They do not complete.
It is the same thing my buddy A. told me when he landed in Kenya. I had been taken aback slightly. 50s. No kids. Relatively wealthy. I said, man why no family? He said, he got too caught up enjoying life to notice the absence of the womanly touch.
Feb 6 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
I've dated single mothers who were amazing people. Probably still will. But my honest opinion is, if you're going to, date them for purely irrational, sentimental reasons like love. Logically, it's the most self-defeating thing you'll ever do. Especially, when you don't have kids
1. You'll never be a priority in the way the kids' father would've been if he stayed. Never like her kids. You're last from the word go. Every time she serves the kids chicken wings as she serves you chicken bums, you'll be wondering "would she do this with the kids' father?"
Dec 21, 2024 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
From my interactions with the married & the wilfully unmarried, I have come to the conclusion that only the latter truly respect marriage as an institution. Contrary to popular sentiment, the unmarried are not afraid of commitment. They respect commitment.
Enough to recognize that commitment demands investment and that they lack the requisite time, emotional, or material capital. These are not the acts of cowards as has been painted over the years. They are acts of sane, self-aware individuals with esoteric levels of discipline.
Nov 29, 2024 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
How can a child tell its its mother? What is home? is home a place? Is it a people? Over the years, and against concerted denials, I have come to the conclusion that mans greatest aspiration is feelings. People simply want to feel good, everything else is a vessel.
When one suffers a heartbreak, it is not the absence of the individual they mourn but the loss of the feelings the latter inspired in them. Similarly, it is possible for one to fall out of love too. Because even though the individual is present, he no longer inspires similar passion.
Apr 29, 2024 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
It's the knowledge that I could be alone if I wanted. But I picked my person, because of a value/connection I could not find with someone else (or alone). And that sustaining that value demands responsibility on my part. That I made the decision to be with her. It's not a prison.
I have a grounded identity outside of relationships. I enjoy cooking just as much as I enjoy playing football. Therefore, I do not assess women's appeal from a needs perspective. If I invite one into my life it's because I really really like them. No mistakes.
Mar 16, 2024 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
I recently had to let a woman I thought I'd marry go. We had everything going for us: Both loved reading, nature, teetotalers, & fitness enthusiasts but, I got tired of not being trusted. Always being accused of things I didn't do, trying to mend insecurities I didn't cause.
This is the woman I've been most honest with in life: Anyone who knows me knows how secretive I get. A woman I talked to daily for not less than an hour despite the distance & never suffered boredom for it. But I was a villain from the get-go: Men cheat & lie, so I did. Or would.
Feb 28, 2024 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Polygamy is so misrepresented in modern African literature. It was not simply a 'patriarchal' imposition because men were irredeemably horny & greedy. In drought-prone areas, it was a resilience mechanism. More hands were also needed for subsistence farming.
You also have to understand standardized, modern medicine was absent; more kids meant better continuity potential. You needed as many children as you could to guarantee that at least 2 or 3 will make it to adulthood & survive the clan.
Feb 10, 2024 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
Let me give you an experience I had for context:
Some time back, I was seeing someone who is in - relatively - the upper echelon of public service. She had an interview for a new job. We are driving - a few days to the interview - & she receives a call.
She picks it up & it's a group call by her friends & her supervisor, coaching her for the interview. They were also to meet later for a mock interview session. A few minutes later, 2 dudes called. They were also offering her critical tips on how to ace the interview.
Feb 10, 2024 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
The reason I say men are their own problems is this:
1. Men mock men for getting cheated on. 2. Men mock men for getting abused by their wives. 3. Men won't develop other critical values - or front anything but money to women & then claim women only love them for their money.
4. Men will get money & defile their marriages. Then lose the money & get left; then claim they were only loved for their money.
5. Men start a business, & center sexual favors as the primary employment criteria, at the expense of qualified males. The victims will fault women.
Feb 4, 2024 • 15 tweets • 4 min read
Not a thought process; more of an epiphany. Something unexpected they do that leaves you gaping. They decide it for you. I'll tell a little story of my experience:
Me & A came from the same village. We'd been dating about 3 years. She worked & schooled in the coast...
February arrives, she has a break, she comes over to Kitui. We decide to travel home together to see our people. Her home was less than 2 kilometers from mine, so we'd meet on the railway line in the evening.
Valentines comes, I had some money to spare.
Jan 28, 2024 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
We're in a period of unprecedented deceit & opportunism. If you find someone to love you; who is patient & kind with you; is honest & seeks after your welfare: please do not be difficult. Do not let your ego get in the way of a good thing. A good thing has never been more elusive
I know you think there is more out here. I know you think you are doing them a favor, & that they are going nowhere anyway. I know because I have been you. Several times. Unfortunately, for you, the good ones, too, eventually tire & leave.
Jan 28, 2024 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
How I overcame/overcome sadness:
1. Be giving
When you're sad, life is asking you a question: & I have increasingly found that the best response is in giving. Buy that homeless guy a meal. It does something to your subconscious to know that someone slept better coz you lived.
2. Be kind
It's not very popular right now but I guarantee, it's good for your psyche. Be the reason someone smiled. Either by a compliment or gesture. It doesn't have to be loud, just start with something as simple as a greeting. Kindness does not expect, it just is. Be it.
Jan 27, 2024 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
The problem with dating people raised in wealth, especially foreigners, is that they are looking for an adrenaline rush when you're literally trying to get away from it completely because the source of her adrenaline rush/dopamine has been your unfortunate reality forever.
You are seated there thinking, "Finally, a woman I get to build something with. We'll sit down, plan for our future." but all she is fantasizing about is wrecking shit. She doesn't understand why you are so obsessed with building things: "Don't be boring."
Oct 22, 2023 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
The Hamas PR on Twitter is unparalleled: Israel was supposed to sit back & watch its people get annihilated because anything else risked offending the world? I am not for violence, but if violence is good for Hamas, it is good for Israel.
And what does proportionality even mean in the conflict? Hamas shells Israel, Israel has the amenities to repel. Israel retaliates & Hamas hides behind the citizens it claims to be protecting, who become casualties: but Israel is the bad one because fewer of its people died?
Sep 26, 2023 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
Funniest hookup: that time I woke up at 2:00 am to find that the lady was not in bed. I ran to the living room thinking she'd robbed me only to find her curled on the sofa, crying. I asked why she crying in darkness. She said, she doesn't think I was taking her seriously....
I didn't understand but I tried to be calm. Coz you know, she looked unhinged. Didn't want her committing suicide in my house. So I asked her what she meant. She said, "you think everything I have told you today, I tell to every man?" Honestly, she'd told me about her dogs.
Sep 25, 2023 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
EVENINGS IN THE TRAFFIC JAM RAIN:
2012 - I'll get a job; good job. 60K starting salary. Nothing less. With my 1st class, it should be easy. We are in demand. But it's just for the capital. Once I get the capital, I'll go my way. Start my company. No rat races for me.
2015- Okay, 30K. I'll take it. 30K isn't so bad. There are no jobs. And it's just a starting salary, anyway. I'll grow in there. And the experience will come in handy. That's how John started. Look at him now. I'll buy a TV. Fridge. It's better than staying home.
