Billy The GOAT Profile picture
WordSmith: @Crazy_Nairobian
20 Aug
Unadhani umeangukia dem wa Java kumbe umeangukia dem wa Jaba. THREAD.
Arif alikuwa wale ninja wakienda out kukunywa inakuwanga kama family reunion juu kwa drinks zake hakuwezi kosa Four Cousins, he had a thing Four Cousins kama Kabi wa Jesus. Kazi ni kuwakunywa tu.
Hiyo siku alikuwa ametoka executive meeting so alikuwa amevaa tuxedo kama kunguru, alafu juu ilikuwa business Date alienda kwa Calendar ndio wamu-lend gari. So deal ilikuwa ime go through fiti akaamua kufika locals kukamata kinywaji baridi.
Read 32 tweets
21 Jul
Una plan ku Surprise Dem alafu ni wewe unakuwa surprised. THREAD.
Nikiwa second year kuna dem wa msee tulikuwa tuna share na yeye hostel alidai nimuangalilie results zake kwa notice board, wote walikuwa wamemaliza campo so ni results na graduation walikuwa wanangoja.
Alafu most relationships after campo hu fall apart juu ya long distance na chances za ku meet huwa minimal, so huyo dem hakuwa sure kama relationship ina exist coz tangu wamalize shule hawajawai onana.
Read 25 tweets
20 Jul
INSHA: Siku ambayo sitawai isahau maishani mwangu.
Jogoo aliwika kabla ya machweo, ilikuwa ni jumatatu kwa hivyo nje kulikuwa na u-Monday.
Nika amka aste aste hadi jikoni ilimradi nipate kopo la uji, nika amkua wazazi wangu "Sijambo" wakanijibu "Jambo mno"
Nikanywa uji kwa mwendo wa kasi ndiposa nisichelewe kufika shuleni. Kulikuwa na baridi mufti, baridi imeenda shule, baridi bin barafu, baridi jingi hadi ukiwa Kampala "U ganda" 🤭
Read 6 tweets
17 Jun
Unadhani umepata dem ako na Class kumbe umepata dem bado ako Class. THREAD.
Walisema the best way to tell a story ni kuanzia Introduction, work your way to reproduction and make it pregnant enough ndio iki form a Body uweze ku deliver... Let's begin.
Arif alikuwa wale raiya wali join campo juu ya co curriculum activities, hakuwa bookworm alikuwa footballer so mostly ungempata aki ball siku mzima kama mdhamini akingoja jioni aende ku train ama kucheza friendlies.
Read 29 tweets
28 Apr
Una convert kuwa muislamu juu ya dem alafu mnakosana before umalize madrasa. THREAD.
Arif alikuwa pedi wa makucha, kazi ilikuwa kuunda madem makucha ndio wakae poa wakienda date wanakuwa na potential ya kuwa nailed usiku kucha.
So siku moja kuna esteemed customer wake alileta beshte yake amuonyeshe mahali yeye hufanyiwa pedicure ndio akibambika akuwe anakuja hapo.
Read 25 tweets
27 Apr
The best investment on Earth is the Earth itself, that's why investing in land is the best decision you can ever make for you and your future generation.
A place you could build your home, retire on and not feel like you gambled with your savings.

#20YearsWithOptiven
That's why I commend Optiven coz they've been helping people fulfill their dreams for 20 years.
They've been at the forefront of social economic transformation and allocating their clients with land investment.

#20YearsWithOptiven
The good thing about Optiven is that they have experts who walk you through the whole process of land investment or partnering with them.
They make you as the client feel comfortable with the decisions you're about to make.

#20yearswithoptiven
Read 7 tweets
21 Feb
Unadhani ameku feature kwa relationship kumbe ameku ficha kwa relationship. THREAD.
Arif alimaliza shule aka discover meaning ya long distance relationship after kuwa separated na his campus sweetheart... Dem naye alibahatika kupata job immediately after campus.
Dem alikuwa anafanya kwa chemist, so communication ilikuwa tricks coz walikuwa wanaongea mchana akiwa job but usiku hakuwa na network... Arif aka asume maybe kwakina dem ni mashinani sana mahali unawacha network nje ya mlango kama slippers.
Read 28 tweets
20 Oct 20
Heri kufanya kazi kuliko mfanya kazi. THREAD
Arif na bibi yake walikuwa newly weds, so damu zao zilikuwa bado moto, walikuwa wamekulana, wameshibana hadi wameanza kufanana. Alafu bibi alikuwa loyal kama vyombo chafu, hata uende wapi unapata zimekungoja.
A few years later wakafuatanisha watoto wawili kama Saturday na Sunday na bado bibi alikuwa na mimba ingine... Ilikuwa New year, new pregnancy. Gynecologist alikuwa amezoeya kuona bibi hadi alikuwa anamuita customer.
Read 20 tweets
5 Sep 20
Ukimuona na sare ya shule usimfanye a Sare shule. THREAD.
Huwa wanasema in life lazima ukuwe na side hustle ukitaka ku survive fiti, especially Nairobi. So kuna raiya alikuwa mwalimu na side hustle yake ilikuwa ku offer tuition coz bills have to be paid.
In life hufai kula ndimu juu maisha ni ngumu, chukua hiyo ndimu na u make lemonade. So shule zikifunga alikuwa anageuza kwake kuwa tuition block ama anaenda kwa client kufunzia huko depending on vile wanasikizana.
Read 29 tweets
6 Aug 20
Dem anakuliwa na kila mtu campus kama HELB loan. THREAD.
Campus relationship mingi huanzia kwa dancefloor siku ya dunda, mnajuania hapo akikutingishia kinyambis alafu una waste your best campus years trying to hope that she’ll be faithfull only to you na akuwe anakosa kuenda dunda kama hauko, lol.
So kuna day kumekuwa na dunda, ilikuwa fresher’s night so raiya walikuwa wamegeuza dancefloor kuwa hunting ground ya fluid exchange… transfer market ya new fresher girlfriends ilikuwa officially on na second years na thirds year walikuwa wanafanya signing.
Read 25 tweets
20 Jul 20
Nimewai hepa home kuenda bash siko invited alafu kufika huko nikafukuzwa saa sita usiku, hapo ndio nilijua meaning ya mwenda tezi na Omo marejeo ni nyumbani… THREAD.
Peer pressure huwa mbaya, nikiwa bado high school and living under the old man’s roof kuna day arif alinisho kuna bash ya cousin yake huko Mountain View, na sisi tulikuwa tuna stay Ndumbu-ini.
Way back then Mountain View ndio ilikuwa Rhunda ya wasee wa Waiyaki Way, so nilikuwa excited nikajua hii bash lazima nifike juu nilijua mahali kuna bash kuna madem, obviously singekata.
Read 28 tweets
6 Jul 20
Ukipatwa kwakina dem ni heri utoke mbio uwache akijitetea kuliko ujifiche, mimi nililala chini ya bed kwakina dem just so that asikuwe in trouble na bado tuliwachana. 🤡
Bado mi hukumbuka hii kitu inani traumatize, juu hiyo siku nilienda huko na aim ya kujua kwao just incase in future tutakuja Ruracio nijue ni wapi tunaleta ng'ombe za mahari.
Alafu nakumbuka dem alikuwa amenisho mamake ni mwalimu so obviously hatakuwa around hadi majioni ndio atoke shule, nikajua the coast is clear... Nikajua pakaa akitoka Sewer rat hutawala 🤡🤡
Read 28 tweets
5 Jul 20
Mwanaume unashindana na giza kukesha ukichunga Mali ya muindi usiku ukitaftia bibi mkate na Blueband, kumbe bibi amegeuza nyumba lodging usiku.
Kuna jamaa flani alikuwa soja, kazi ni ku man gate ya muindi usiku... Ana make sure introducers, crooks na unwanted family and friends wanabaki huko nje while the boss is having his beauty sleep.
Jamaa alikuwa a newly wed couple, ameoa bibi akamleta mjini kuwa house wife yeye aki struggle ku make ends meet... So in short hakuwa ame enjoy conjugal rights zake vizuri juu pesa lazima utafutwe, but life ni ku struggle.
Read 28 tweets