When I was a teenager I started “fainting” (that is what I thought was happening. I was unaware I was going unconscious. No one was observing me when this happened). I would lose control over my body and fall to the floor. Sometimes forward on my face—bloody nose. I thought I was “light-headed.” This would happen every couple of months, standing from sitting position or stretching my arms above my head to open a window. This was precipitated by a weird sense— and I learned how to move slowly to the ground

I’ve become as powerful and capable in my masculine energy (in part) to protect my femininity— I’m a tomboy— but it’s well known I have an enormous heart— I learned to be ruthless tho (with ethics)— I don’t see this development as a flaw or pathology— I think it’s quite brilliant and authentic— all of it—it’s a mixture of inborn and tons of experience learning to trust myself and my process no matter how it looks to others — it’s a balance— lately I find myself accessing either side easily—

Society (per my socmed feed) is looking ape shit (or seems) based on the algo.

Makes me ponder the former Eastern European dissidents I studied as a young women. I always long believed they had more to offer us post/moderns than philosophers and artists in the West /cont Whatever one thinks of post-Cold War Havel in the Power of the Powerless he makes a passing reference to the West— he says the same tyranny (post-totalitarianism— was present (but hidden)— both communism and capitalism