My 'fishing' email account has landed another one.

"Dear brother in god, I have a large sum of money to distribute to Christian causes around the world, can you be helping me? If yes reply and tell me how you can be a soldier of the god"

I replied..... "My work here is indeed serving the great god, I do this through my research in using swans as emotional support animals." He was quick to reply,

"Brother, I can help you, would a sum of $1.5 million help your work?"

A couple just called by in their camper and asked to park on our land, we had a brief conversation, they seemed ok so I said yes. Before they drove off, the man glanced up and said,

"Lot of Chemtrails today, I wonder if the NWO are spraying barium or thorium" I said,
"What"... He replied,
"Barium and thorium, it's used for population control. forced sterilization you know, being going on for years, you should read up on it"
I glanced at his wife, she nodded enthusiastically and said,
"Norman knows all about it, he does a lot of reading on the web"....

Having dinner with some friends, at the next table there is the most incredible crashing bore trying to impress a girl with his knowledge of Milton Friedman economic theories and French wine. We are quietly taking bets on how long she lasts. So far only 15 minutes have passed. He is pontificating on the UK budget,

"The problem with the poor is they don't understand consumption analysis"

Text from our Mayor.

Every single person who works for the Mayors office will be there tomorrow plus the Mayor's wife and two sons. WhatsApp message received,

He's just arrived at St Pancras station, his mother is with him to "see him off". He has my HP sauce..