10 common marriage problems

(and how strong husbands actually fix them)

1. “My wife’s sex drive is low”

Usually it’s not “low sex drive.”

It’s pressure, stress, resentment, shame, or not feeling desired.

Masculine men lower pressure, reduce her mental load, and make closeness feel safe again. 2. “Why isn’t my wife happy?”

Because female unhappiness is rarely solved by endless appeasement.

If you keep thinking, “once I do XYZ she’ll finally settle,” you’ll chase your tail.

Lead the atmosphere.
Build gratitude.
Set boundaries.
Stop negotiating with every mood.

Being a wife is hard.

Harder than social media 'trad wife' fantasies make it out to be.

Harder than being a nun, according to St. Alphonsus Ligouri.

After a lifetime of hearing the confessions of wives, often for ten hours a day, he said:

'The married woman has to think of providing her family with food and raiment. She has to think of rearing her children, of pleasing her husband and her husband’s relatives ; whence, as the apostle says, her heart is divided between God and her husband, and children. Her husband must be attended to; the children cry and scream, and are continually asking for a thousand things. What time can she have to attend to mental prayer, who can scarce attend to all the business of the house? how can she pray amid so many distracting thoughts and disturbances ? Scarcely can she go to church, to recollect herself, and communicate upon the Sunday. She may have the good desire, but it will be difficult for her to attend to the things of God as she ought. It is true, that in this want of opportunities, she may gain merit, by resignation to the will of God, who requires of her in that state, chiefly patience and resignation; but in the midst of so many distractions and annoyances, without prayer, without meditation, without frequenting the sacraments, it will be morally impossible for her to have that holy patience and resignation.

But, would to God, that married women had no other evil to contend with besides that of not always being able to attend to their sanctification as much as they should; the greater evil is the danger to which they are continually exposed of losing the grace of God, by reason of the intercourse which they must continually have with the relations and friends of their husband, as well in their own houses, as in the houses of others. Unmarried women do not understand this, but married women and those who have to hear their confessions know it well. Let us, however, now have done with the unhappy life which is led by married women, the ill treatment they receive from their husband, the disobedience of children, the wants of the family, the annoyance of mothers-in-law and relatives, the throes of childbirth, always accompanied by danger of death, not to mention the afflictions of jealousy, and scruples of conscience, with regard to the rearing up of their children, all which breed a tempest under which poor married women have continually to groan, and God grant that in this tempest they may not lose themselves, so as to meet with hell in the other world, after having suffered a hell in this.'

- Discourse to Pious Maidens How to help your wife suffer well

You need to do 3 things:

1. See what your wife carries
2. Remove avoidable burdens
3. Help her carry the unavoidable Cross with faith, hope, and love without pretending it’s easy.

Marriage and a large family feel heavy because they are heavy. So don’t treat strain as a diagnosis. Treat it as a normal load that needs leadership, structure, and virtue.

You can’t “tell” your wife she’s valued; you must build it into her week. Your words matter. Your calendar matters more.

Never spiritualize your laziness. Don’t say “offer it up” while you avoid work, sleep, planning, or hard conversations. Remove what you can. Then help her sanctify what remains.

Distinguish two kinds of suffering:
- Unavoidable Cross: sickness, newborn seasons, pregnancy limits, special needs, tight finances, normal fatigue.
- Avoidable chaos: unclear roles, poor routines, screens at night, messy money, unresolved conflict, bad boundaries, your passivity.

Vacations don’t magically “fix” your sex life.
They remove the things that quietly kill it at home.

A guy in my coaching community was telling me how, on trips, his wife feels sexier and they connect more easily.

That's very common because of what actually blocks desire in wives.

Here’s what tends to change on vacation: 1) Her cognitive load drops.

At home, many women run a constant background program: planning, remembering, tracking, anticipating, coordinating.

Even when she’s “resting,” her brain often stays on duty.

On a trip, the number of variables shrinks: fewer chores, fewer decisions, fewer “shoulds,” fewer reminders that life needs managing.

Desire needs bandwidth. When the mind stops sprinting, the body can finally show up.

The Freezing of Men’s Hearts
How the fire of the family went out – and how to relight it

A lot of men today don’t describe themselves as “angry” or “abusive”.

They say things like:

- “I’m just numb.”
- “I don’t feel that much.”
- “I’m there, but I’m not really there.”

They assume this is just their personality, or their trauma, or “how men are”.

But over a century ago, a Catholic political economist called Charles Stanton Devas saw exactly this coming. In his 1886 book Studies of Family Life, he described how a long, slow attack on the family would produce a new kind of man: externally functional, internally frozen – what St Paul called men “without affection” in the “dangerous times” of the last days (2 Tim 3:3).

Devas studied at Eton – the school where I later taught before being fired for a lecture on masculinity he’d probably have applauded. He married at 26, raised nine children, and spent his career analysing how changes in economics, politics and religion were cutting the heart out of family life.

What he saw explains:

- why your father may have felt distant

- why your mother may have felt overburdened

- and why you may struggle to feel warmth at home even when you want to.

Let’s walk through how men’s hearts were frozen – and how to thaw yours...

(This pic is of me from when I got fired.) How Industry Pulled Fathers Out of the Home

Before industrialisation, most families lived and worked together:

on farms
in small workshops
in tight-knit villages

Father, mother, and children shared their days and their labour. Work and home were not separate worlds.

With the factory system, Devas notes, something new happens:

men leave at dawn, return late
work moves far from home
wages are low, hours are long

The result:

the father becomes physically absent
exhausted when present
and emotionally unavailable even when he’s in the room

If you grew up with a dad who:

“provided”
but didn’t talk much
didn’t play
didn’t instruct
and always seemed tired or elsewhere

…you’ve tasted the after-effects of this shift.

The father is reduced to a walking wallet, not the warm centre of the home.

10 Simple Ways to Be a More Attractive Husband
(in order of importance)

Don't tell your wife you're doing these -- just do them.

1. Get your teeth straightened and whitened.

A lot of studies show your teeth symmetry and whiteness has a big impact on your attractiveness.

It also boosts your salary and improves your general health. 2. Train and diet so your waist is 70% of your chest and your BMI is around 25.

Being skinny with a 0.7WCR is no good.

Muscle is an indicator of genetic quality and makes everyone — men and women — take you more seriously.

5 essential marriage skills:

- How to argue well
- How to set boundaries
- How to give consequences
- How to lead without words
- How to provide beyond money

Masculine men have ALL these

You can't lead well without them If you don't know how to argue well, you'll end up entering her verbal vortex

Then you'll become the second woman

You're not equals, so don't talk like you are

It only reinforces a feminist frame

10 reasons I'm not a Protestant:

1. Since God can’t lie or make a mistake, Revelation gives us infallible knowledge of revealed truth. And since God can’t leave Revelation to an uncertain fate, it requires a promulgating body. But that promulgating body must also be infallible; otherwise, it couldn’t transmit Revelation or demand the same submission of the intellect as the truth it teaches does. 2. Accordingly, Christ established a Church, presided over by one Head, to propagate revealed truth through the world until the end of time. And He promised His Church not only His presence but the help of the Holy Spirit to guarantee infallibility. Indeed, because Christ’s Church cannot possibly teach error and thereby lead souls to hell, infallibility is logically necessary.

Feminism was a male fantasy

The "playboy" was a permanent teenager, forever seeking sex without strings to evade the burdens of parenthood and the bonds of marriage

So the feminist woman was his perfect mate in his imagined promiscuous paradise

Instead of bringing heaven down to earth, however, he only succeeded in raising hell Feminism didn't advance mainly by rational arguments and logic

That's not how women work

It advanced by heartbreak

To change a woman's mind, change her mood

And nothing could possibly have done this more effectively than betrayal by a generation of playboys

Most modern men don’t know how to interact with women.

And it's destroying dating and marriage.

Here are the keys to success: 🧵 45% of men age 18-25 have NEVER approached a woman in person.

You’ve got a good chance of making a girl’s day if you approach her.

And if you act like it’s no big deal, your confidence will win her over and set the frame for the rest of your interactions.

If you're a guy under 5'9" (50th percentile), approaching a girl over 5'9" (99th percentile) magnifies this effect.

It takes big balls to pull it off, but that’s exactly what she’s going to assume you’ve got.

What have you got to lose? Get over your fear of rejection.

18 things every man should learn before he turns 18:

1. Get married and have kids by age 22.

Marriage boosts your earning power by about 15%, and even divorced men are wealthier than never-married men.

If you want to be elite, get married. 2. Avoid gossiping.

Leave it to girls. A man who can’t control his tongue is weak.

If you’ve got something important to say, say it to his face.