Ben Dreyfuss Profile picture
writer of the calm down newsletter
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Sep 23 15 tweets 2 min read
“As a mother and a grandmother I am expected to do a lot of casual sex acts in public” Twenty years ago, I sucked and fucked my way through half of broadway and no one gave a shit!
Sep 21 6 tweets 2 min read
I will never in my entire life totally understand people who support Donald Trump…
Image It’s not like this is even a particularly shocking, rare, or hard to believe Trump tale. There are a zillion stories of him acting exactly like this over and over!
Sep 18 5 tweets 1 min read
I would love to read a 10,000 word behind the scenes tick tock about how the military decided that it was worth it to ask the public if they'd seen their missing jet… there must have been some general who was like "look, we have nothing to gain from crowdsourcing this. if someone finds it, we're going to hear about it." and then some other general said, "no, Gary, you fucking idiot. We cannot count on that."
Sep 15 8 tweets 1 min read
Lauren Boebert getting her tits yanked while she jerks off her bf at Beetlejuice the Musical is a great test of the “you can measure the health of a society in how able it is to laugh at something without getting mad about it” standard. I can’t pretend to be outraged about this. It’s deeply funny. I’m really not a fan of hers for other reasons but this is just a super funny way to start the weekend.
Sep 12 5 tweets 1 min read
I refuse to accept this one. There are lots of ways in which I have deviated from the left, but in the case of the criminal justice system, I am the one who has traditional liberal instincts!!!

It's the current left that has gone batshit about this stuff Image im sorry if i am breaking with liberals by believing that not everyone necessarily deserves the maximum prison sentence, and that people should be allowed to ask for leniency for friends and loved ones even if they've done heinous crimes!
Aug 19 4 tweets 1 min read
This tweet isn’t going to make me any friends but this Blind Side conservatorship thing has all the tell tale signs of a story people should wait for more information about.

Taking lawsuit allegations at face value ✔️
Reinforces longstanding cultural critiques of the film ✔️ Genuine weirdness that needs to be explained (the conservatorship being in place at all) ✔️

The fact that the dispute is about things for which there are objective records (the payments for the book and movie) ✔️
Aug 10 9 tweets 3 min read
I am a masochist so I googled for the whole post and it is really funny. Here are some other funny screenshots……
“Let’s just say that anything On The Road was going to subvert can stay in the ‘50s where it belongs!” Image
Aug 8 21 tweets 3 min read
If there were an alert—not that there would necessarily be an alert—that an ICBM was heading towards the United States, since they carry multiple warheads we’d assume NY, DC, Boston, and Philadelphia have 30 minutes to live. And I bet those 30 minutes would be fucking wild, yo. I guess people try to flee but I think modern hydrogen are really big and you’re probably not going to escape the blast. Your not even getting across midtown in 30 minutes.
Jul 27 19 tweets 4 min read
If you think that Wolf of Wall Street “lionises” [sic] the hero, you deserve to have your money taken from you on penny stocks. I rewatched Wolf of Wall Street a few days ago and, like, it literally starts with him framing the entire story through unreliable means by changing the color of his car.
Jul 26 14 tweets 3 min read
Kevin Spacey was found not guilty in this trial in the UK. I don’t know anything about the charges but I know he is a sexual predator who molested my brother. I sincerely doubt it’s in the cards but if he does get rehabilitated into hollywood, I will lose it. I don’t give a shit if he gets work in France or whatever but if he is offered a job for a major studio in LA and is invited to join Star Wars or whatever I am going to hit someone in the head with a tire iron.
Jul 5 6 tweets 2 min read
I gotta say, I hate this so much. It is hard for me to describe how much I hate this massive spherical display. I hate this so much that I am worried my negative thoughts will spill over and make me think less of everyone in this entire region.
Jul 1 12 tweets 3 min read
This is the first Titan submersible detail that actually does make me wonder if these people had a death wish…
Like, the fact that they used a PlayStation controller, doesn’t seam that crazy, but the fact that that controller was connected thru Bluetooth makes me think that these people wanted to die.
Jun 20 10 tweets 2 min read
people want you to interview this infamous whacko whose uncle was JFK (the president) & whose dad was also an important political figure. If that doesn’t ring a bell, you actually already had him on your show once to spread dangerous unchallenged nonsense…
Before any of you try to tell me that in 2005 it was not yet clear that the “vaccines cause autism” thing was total bullshit, stop. By 2004 the entire Andrew Wakefield Lancet study had already fallen apart and been mostly retracted!
May 24 10 tweets 3 min read
A Chinese invasion of Taiwan would require the US Navy and Air Force to fight in ways they have not experienced since WWII… Image The problem basically is that even with really effective air defense, China has so many missiles stockpiled that US bases in Japan and the planes at them are repeatedly leveled in the beginning of a conflict. Image
May 24 5 tweets 1 min read
There are two types of Jeopardy viewers:

1. Those who watch the show and shout their answers at the screen for every clue

2. Those who spend the entire show shouting, “what, you think you’re better than me?!?!” (I am obviously the second type of viewer. In fact, after a few clues I completely check out from that part of the game and just glare at the nerds and imagine luring them into an alley and mugging them)
Apr 17 5 tweets 1 min read
Does no one have the guts to edit Scorsese??? That pelican looks like it’s up to something nefarious.
Apr 17 12 tweets 2 min read
I don’t know the answer to this. Probably the time I said people in wheelchairs aren’t worth inviting to orgies? Although the story hunting a drug-addict with a paintball gun definitely has had longer legs. People still tweet at me about it.
Apr 17 9 tweets 2 min read
Five people in the United States actually want to take a train across the country and four of them are on terrorist watchlists Very important that we get that vital Boise to Cheyenne route back
Apr 16 4 tweets 1 min read
What… Image All the kids on the playground are going “fuck ET! Fuck ET!”
Apr 15 7 tweets 2 min read
Thanks but the real travel tip is don’t go to places where this could ever come up Image In the movie Black Beauty, this kid is on a ship and it sinks and he wakes up alone on a beach and this cobra is about to attack him and then Black Beauty, a horse, stomps the snake to death.

A shipwreck is the only way I am ending up on a beach like that.
Apr 15 9 tweets 2 min read
This Glenn Beck clip about the Nazis is crazy and offensive and historically inaccurate but mostly it’s just confusing. What the fuck are you talking about dude I don’t think we do have to hand it to Josef Mengale for starting “from a place of compassion”