The richest people in the U.S. aren’t building tech startups.

They’re buying car washes and laundromats using SBA loans.

Here are 11 boring businesses with the lowest failure rates in 2025: 1) Laundromats

~95% survive 5 years.

Consistent demand, coin-operated, minimal staff.

Profit margins: 30-35% thanks to self-service & upfront payment.

Boring income streams are the best.

You’d be foolish not to consider one of these lame but lucrative businesses (8 options):

1) Laundromat 2) Vending Machines

Working at JP Morgan taught me one thing:

Owning beats earning.

If you want to set yourself financially free…

Steal these 7 wealth secrets from JP Morgan’s top 1% elites: 1) Assets > Income

The wealthy don't chase high salaries.

They buy assets that create passive income streams.

This is why I started buying small businesses instead of climbing the corporate ladder.

If I had $25k to invest…

I wouldn’t buy stocks.
I wouldn’t buy real estate.
I wouldn’t even buy Bitcoin.

I’d do exactly what my clients at JP Morgan did.

I’ll expose it for you: As soon as I started at JP Morgan…

It became painfully obvious to me:

We were serving our clients because THEY were the ones with all the money.

So, what did they do?

I only invest in timeless, boring businesses.

Why?

Because I want profit, not headaches.

Here are the 8 best options (2025): 1) Storage Facilities

I can't imagine a world where people stop collecting unnecessary stuff.

Storage is a super simple model:

• Automated access systems
• Little daily management
• Recurring payments

That's a win in my book.

Private Equity’s best-kept secret:

Buy a business for $3M and it instantly becomes worth $7M.

It’s called “multiple arbitrage.”

Here’s how I’m stealing this strategy to build wealth as a regular guy: A plumbing company makes $10M/year
↳ At a 7x multiple? That’s $70M

A plumbing company making $1M/year
↳ At a 3x multiple? That’s $3M

If the big company bought the smaller one, it would create $7M out of thin air…

Let me explain:

Boring businesses make the most money.

It's not complicated, yet 99% of people still search for the fancy ones.

So please...

Buy one of these boring businesses (8 options): 1) Pressure Washing.

Think about this for a second:

You can buy one power washing machine and pay it off with just a few jobs.

Then?

1. You hire a few people.
2. Buy a few more machines.
3. Repeat the process indefinitely.

Pressure-washing companies are cash cows.

If you want financial freedom, buy a boring business.

• It beats your salary
• It grows year over year
• You can sell it in the future

It's a win-win-win.

10 business buying tips from 5 years, 8 acquisitions, and 8 figures of lifetime revenue: For context:

I buy most of my businesses from Boomers.

10,000 of them retire every day and most of them own their own businesses.

These 10 tips are especially helpful for closing deals within this circumstance.

MBA's just aren't what they used to be.

& for the average person…

These are the 8 best businesses (that don't need a degree):

1) Laundromat People always need clean clothes.

The machines do 90% of the work for you.

With 30 washers averaging $4 per load:

• That’s $120 per cycle
• Assume 6 to 8 cycles daily
• That’s $25,000+/mo in revenue

You don’t need $1M in the bank to buy a business.

You can find a Boomer who’s retiring, buy their business without spending a dime, and take the profits.

Here’s how: First things first.

You can’t just buy any old business.

Try to look for something that’s recession-resistant and won’t be replaced by AI.

A few timeless businesses:

• Laundromats
• Parking Lots
• Call Centers
• ATM Routes

Boring businesses are the ultimate cash cow.

If you want financial freedom, buy one of these money printing machines (8 options):

1) Pool Cleaning Every pool needs chemicals, cleaning, and repairs.

The average pool service charges $100-150 per month per client.

With 50 recurring clients?

That's easily $5,000/month.

How I’d buy a $2M business with just $100k in savings:

(& how you can too)

🧵 Use this structure to acquire cash-flowing businesses (with barely any money out of pocket):

• 80% SBA Loan
• 15% Seller Finance
• Last 5% is your capital

Yes, it’s legal. Yes, it’s scalable.

(I’ve done this 7 times now)

Generational wealth is literally just math.

If I had ONE chance to set my family financially free…

This is exactly what I'd do:

(This is how I went from $0 to $836k/year) The first thing I would do is go to SMBmarket(.com)

It has 1,000s of listings for owners who are looking to sell their small businesses.

It’s your best friend for the next few months.

MBA students are turning down 6 figure salaries.

Why?

To buy boring businesses.

Here are the top 10 for 2025:

1) Plumbing Services When your toilet breaks at 2 in the morning, you'll pay ANYTHING to fix it.

Emergency calls = Premium pricing

With 2-3 technicians, you're looking at $40-60k in revenue every month.

Plus, everyone needs plumbing.

This is Magic Johnson.

He owns 400+ boring businesses that have made him a billionaire.

(he even taught Shaq how to do it)

I’m no Ex-NBA Star…

But I still own 7 boring businesses that pay me $836k per year.

Here’s how I bought them as a normal guy: “Shaq, it’s okay to be famous & all that, but at some point, you want to start owning things.”

That’s the advice Magic Johnson gave to Shaq in 1996.

Throughout his 13-year NBA career, Magic made just over $40,000,000.

But he’s made 25x since “retiring.”

Steve Jobs has the best revenge story in history.

In 1985, Apple fired him for being "impossible to work with."

11 years later, they paid $400M to get him back.

He made one simple move that changed business forever...

Here's the story: Jobs co-founded Apple with Steve Wozniak in 1976.

While Woz handled the engineering, Jobs focused more on the business side.

His vision was simple:

Build beautiful, user-friendly products in a closed ecosystem.

A boring business can set you financially free.

Here are the 8 best options (2025):

1) Pool Cleaning Every pool needs chemicals, cleaning, and repairs.

The average pool service charges $100-150 per month per client.

With 50 recurring clients?

That's easily $5,000/month.

I used to work at JP Morgan.

I climbed the ladder like I was supposed to…

But I was still tired, overworked, and lacked the freedom I was looking for.

Then I found that freedom by following these 7 rules: Rule #1: Stop believing the corporate fairy tale.

I spent years thinking that if I just worked harder, the rewards would come…

But after constant 60-hour weeks…

I realized:

The system isn't designed for you to escape it.

I only invest in timeless, boring businesses.

Why?

Because I want profit, not headaches.

Here are the 8 best options (2025): 1) Storage Facilities

I can't imagine a world where people stop collecting unnecessary stuff.

Storage is a super simple model:

• Automated access systems
• Little daily management
• Recurring payments

That's a win in my book.

Boring income streams are the best.

You’d be foolish not to consider one of these lame but lucrative businesses (8 options):

1) Laundromat 2) Vending Machines

This is Shaquille O’Neal.

He owns 355 boring businesses that make millions.

I’m no ex-NBA star…

But I still own 7 boring businesses that make $830k per year.

Here’s how I bought them as a normal guy: Shaq might honestly love buying businesses more than I do (which is wild) 😂

He owns:

🪩 Nightclubs in Las Vegas
💪🏼 40x 24-Hour Fitness
🛒 1x Shopping center
🥨 17x Auntie Anne's
🚗 150x Car Washes
🍿 1x Movie theater
🍔 155x Five Guys
🍽️ 1x Restaurant

And more…