The Dank Knight 🦇 Profile picture
Southern boy, Christian, Happily married father of 3. Cave dweller. The World's Greatest Defective. Satire. Preferred pronouns (Bat/Man) No DM’s.
Hecate's Crossroad #QVArmy Profile picture Cheeseheads for TRUMP2020 Profile picture kiddphunk Profile picture Dena🇺🇸 Profile picture Tresha Profile picture 6 added to My Authors
3 Feb
Quick prayer request...

I’m taking the wife to have a spinal tap tomorrow. She’s more than a little nervous.

If you could, pray for a good outcome, and pray they’ll give her good enough drugs that she won’t have a clue what’s going on or remember a single thing. Thanks guys.
Sitting in the radiology waiting room and so far the most painful part is having to watch Adam Schiff on CNN.
This is a cute little youngin’ but I’m pretty sure my estate didn’t give him permission to wear this.

You tell that little punk to name the time and place. I WILL BE THERE!!
Read 4 tweets
2 Feb
I know a guy that told his daughter to stop paying her student loans because Bernie would win.

My niece said the same thing about Hillary winning. She’s made a career out of getting useless degrees. She got married and tried to make my sister pay for her college loans..../1
This is the same niece that sent us all a text at Christmas to let us know that she wouldn’t have anything else to do with our family because of who we voted for.

My niece mailed my sister her bills for college a few months back..../2
Of course, my niece just keeps enrolling in more and more college courses and refuses to get an actual job, even tho she’s married now. Her husband is just as bad.

My sister wrote “LOL. Get a job and pay for them yourself” and mailed it back...../3
Read 6 tweets
26 Jan
I would like to ask for prayers for my wife.

She’s having some important tests run tomorrow that stem from where I had to take her to the hospital. We still don’t know what’s going on, and we’re both more than a little worried.

I can’t divulge any info right now. Thank you.
Bear with me, but your TL is going to be filled with ‘Thank you’ for a while.

Just know, it comes from the bottom of my heart.
It has now just about become physically impossible to thank each person individually.

I’m still reading each response and thank each person from the bottom of my heart. My wife also thanks you.
Read 4 tweets
1 Jan
Oh. My. Lord.

I’m gonna have to find a place to pull over and figure out what just happened.

I’m not sure what to do next..../1
So I’m driving down this backroad when this jerk pulls out in front of me....

I finally catch up to her on a 2 lane road to ask her what her problem is.

She looks over at me in anger and suddenly switches her undercover cop lights on..../2
As you might guess, it startled me.

I’m honestly pro-law enforcement, but I’m starting to get pissed because she almost ran me out of the road.

Like the dummy I am, instead of pulling over.......I speed up. /3
Read 7 tweets
31 Dec 19
This is my wife’s favorite ‘carry everywhere’ piece.

It’s a tiny .380 Curve, and it’s perfect for a woman or even a man that wants something that literally fits in any pocket.

So, before I ultimately lose it in a boating accident, let me show you a couple cool features. /1
It doesn’t have a safety so it’s perfect to easily point and pull, similar to a revolver.

It has a small holster that covers the trigger and has magnets so when you draw, it turns on a blinding light and laser. /2
One of the best things is that it’s *curved* to comfortably fit on your hip or leg.

I’ve worn it and I swear I’ve carried phones that are WAY more uncomfortable. /3
Read 5 tweets
29 Dec 19
Reminder, a person who claimed someone was rude in a grocery store received more National media attention than the anti-Semitic attacks currently happening in NYC.
A kid who nervously smiled received more national media coverage than the anti-Semitic attacks currently happening in NYC.
Jussie Smollett’s fake hate crime received more national media attention than the anti-Semitic attacks currently happening in NYC.
Read 5 tweets
29 Dec 19
Reminder, some Democrats are against sending extra police to the area because of optics or some such crap.
Oh, so they had it coming. Got it.

“If she didn’t want to be raped, she wouldn’t have worn a short skirt”
Guys, I’m the Lib now for wanting extra police in a community subjected to violence.

Ya learn something new every day I reckon.
Read 4 tweets
14 Dec 19
Can I make a suggestion?

Pick someone you love, someone in need, and buy them stuff they need for Christmas. You can even keep it anonymous.

Any time the wife and I have done this it’s been the greatest Christmas ever.

Trust me. It’s a blessing and what Christmas is about.
You don’t know how many times I’ve held back tears when I’ve helped someone at Christmas.

It’s good to help people whenever you can afford it, but there’s something about doing without extra stuff on Christmas just to help others.
Today a woman handed my wife some money, because of our hospital bills and the fact she missed a month of work.

I don’t help people and expect returns. It was hard to be on the receiving end, but I knew exactly how that woman felt.

It showed me that God cares for his children
Read 4 tweets
12 Dec 19
This thread is bonkers.

Two racist Black Israelites (the same group that was hurling racist remarks at the Covington kids) perpetrated an attack on the Jewish community, killing 4, and he tries to somehow say this is because of a comment Trump made.

Incredible.
Honestly, how can people be this idiotic?

My brain won’t even allow that kind of stupidity to compute.
Any 5 yr old kid with an Internet connection can google ‘black Israelites’ and in 3 minutes find exactly what this bunch stands for, and you’ll never make me believe these dummies don’t already know.

So, they’re either willfully ignorant, lying or morons.
Read 4 tweets
30 Nov 19
I didn’t want to put this in anyone’s timeline yesterday but... as I was coming home from working out on thanksgiving morning two Libs were wearing what appeared to be commie type garb were walking down my street. As we all know, commies killed millions and millions.
In a totally unrelated topic, I hear helicopter rides are extremely beautiful this time of year....
Read 4 tweets
19 Nov 19
Swalwell threatens to nuke US citizens and ends up nuking his pants on live tv.

A perfect summary of his presidential run.
Any normal man would’ve laughed and said he stepped on a frog or some crap and it would’ve been over.

He’s not a normal man though.

I would’ve immediately admitted it and become a legend.
Sweet baby Jesus, the Swalwell fart memes are gonna rule.
Read 4 tweets
18 Nov 19
The wife gets her heart monitor today and it’s going to take all the strength I can muster just to keep from constantly lying in wait just to startle her and ruin the results.
I mean, how else is a person supposed to flirt with the one they love?

I’m stuck until science comes up with a better way.
They gave her a little booklet to write down when she feels funny and reasons why.

It’s gonna be completely filled with “Stupid husband scared me again”

“Husband won’t stop farting in public and blaming it on me”
Read 4 tweets
15 Nov 19
It’s from me. I’d tell you my name but you would dox my grandmother.
I’m finally getting under tater’s skin.

I’m going to keep memeing the crap out of him until he covers ABC spiking the pedophile story.

My @ is literally in the corner.
Check out that ratio. He was dragged, by many people I know, for not getting the meme. What a dunce.

WHY DIDNT YOU PEOPLE TAG ME???
Read 4 tweets
12 Nov 19
Please say a prayer for my wife. I just took her to the emergency room because she feels like she might be having heart problems.

heart conditions run rampant in her family at a young age. I hope it’s nothing but I could sure use your prayers. Thank you.
Still running tests on the wife.

I haven’t had time to read your kind comments but I will. Please take each like as a personal thank you.

You people are honestly the greatest.

God is great and he is in control, even when I’m not.
We’re now in a room waiting on another doctor. Thanks again for all your prayers and kind words.

For some reason Twitter is no longer letting me like your comments. I guess I must’ve hit twitters lame ‘like’ quota for the day which shows how many wonderful people have responded
Read 8 tweets
10 Nov 19
I miss when my kids were little and they’d all 3 fight to sit on the recliner with me to watch a movie. I’d let all 3 sit with me and I couldn’t breathe for 2 hours.

If there ever was a heaven on earth, that was it.
My daughter is now married and when she comes over to watch a movie she STILL sits with me in the recliner.

When we were first married, the wife would sit with me in the recliner. She still does sometimes. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thank God for chairs built for one.
I’ve had the wife and all 3 kids sitting on top of me in my recliner to watch a movie.

I literally couldn’t breathe and the wife would ask “are you okay?”
My answer was ALWAYS the same, ‘Absolutely’

I’d give up my house and be destitute before I’d give up those memories.
Read 5 tweets
5 Nov 19
Museum section of Smoky Mountain Knife Works

Civil War section..../1
Native American section...
Cowboys section....
Read 4 tweets
4 Nov 19
You’ll never guess where we are.
The wearable multi-tool. Want.
Beautiful evening here in Tennessee.
Read 5 tweets
18 Oct 19
Have you cried over a gift?

When my daughter was tiny she asked me what my favorite book was, at her age. I said ‘Where the Wild Things Are’

MONTHS later, I was opening Christmas gifts, and one was that book. She whispered “I remembered, daddy”

Instant waterworks...../1
I’m not even the crying type.

The wife said “I kept trying to pick things out and your daughter insisted we buy that book. So, we drove all over town until we found a copy.

I tell you, friends, all the testosterone and manliness on earth couldn’t have held back the tears.
If you tell ANYONE this story, I will hunt you down!

This is a private platform, right?
Read 4 tweets
4 Oct 19
It’s good that you’re trying to help those that are suffering in our great state.

The one thing that I’ll never understand is why TN only allows one choice for those in pain. It’s time to allow people to use medical marijuana instead of opioids. Continued.....
Our jails are packed with people with marijuana charges and it’s insane.

I watched my dad as he suffered in pain. Opioids just made him sick and I’ll never allow another family member to just suffer without giving them marijuana, if it’ll help in any way. That means you force..
Me to break the law. It’s not right.

Most of the people in TN want to AT LEAST have the choice of medical marijuana.

You guys have ignored this for years and enough is enough.

Allow us to vote on it. Vets have testified before you guys, IN TEARS, and nothing was done....
Read 6 tweets
30 Sep 19
Hey @ChrisCuomo your antifa friends are harassing elderly people. Tell us about how they’re just like the heroes of D-Day, again.
Hey @brianefallon your heroes are harassing an elderly couple.
Hey @JohnGHendy your antifa friends are yelling “Nazi scum” at an elderly couple.
Read 4 tweets