Do I truly *want* to become a manager?

Easy to say "yes" but may not be accurate... The realities of manager role are often in direct contrast with aspects of an IC role that we might most enjoy.

Ask yourself these 6 Q's to determine if being a manager is indeed right for you: #1: How much do you enjoy being in “flow” at work?

As a manager, your focus is helping *others* achieve flow and deep work... but you rarely experience it yourself. Can you accept this trade-off?

Last week, we had our first @KnowYourTeamHQ retreat after a 3-year hiatus...

And my goodness, even though we've been remote from the very start (7+ years!) what a boon is was.

Here's what I learned + found particularly effective... (1) Over-indexing on getting-to-know-you time – especially at the beginning of the retreat (vs. at the end)

We spend ~1.5 out of the 3.5 days purely on social opportunities, and kicked off the retreat this way.

We also tried to avoid "typical" forced team-bonding activities...

Why is leading well so perpetually hard?

More than anything, I believe the primary overarching reason can be summed up in two words:

"Competency Fallacy."

Let me explain... One of our greatest desires we have as leaders is to appear competent to our team.

That's not a bad thing! Being competent is good.

But the keyword here is "appear" – we want to "appear" competent as a leader.

Someone on your team tends to be defensive when receiving feedback... even though they ask you to give direct feedback often.

What to do? (... other than asking other team members to come forward and share similar feedback, which rarely lands well.)

My answer: First, try to identify what the potential sources of defensiveness might be. Usually, it's one of the following. They are likely:

a) Misreading your intent.

b) Distrustful of who (the messenger) is delivering feedback, and so they disregard your opinion.

(continued below..)

Burnout is real. A few 1:1 meeting questions to ask your team to preempt it...

- What are you currently doing to sustain yourself? Have you been able to take time for yourself, in any way? How can I support you in that? Is there anything we can be doing to support each other? (continued...)

- How is your level of energy these days? Do you feel drained or worn thin in more ways than usual?

- What fears or trepidation do you have around the team if any?

Oftentimes, I get asked about accountability. How do I keep my team more accountable?

I think that’s the wrong question.

It’s not “How do I keep them more accountable?” but "How do I keep myself more accountable to provide enough support + context for them to be successful?" Specifically:

- Am I making clear what “great work” looks like?
- Am I giving guidance on what to prioritize first and why?
- Am I sharing enough context for my team to navigate uncertainty?
- How clear is it how their work contributes to the bigger picture?

Vision is not a thing you "sell" to your team – it's a thing you enroll your team in.

Selling is saying: “Here’s the vision, and here’s why you should believe in it…”

Enrolling is asking: “What matters most to you? How can make progress toward what you care about most?” When you sell vision, you tout high points and cajole people along. You invoke catchy phrases and utilize acronyms to help remind people where they're headed. This reinforcement is necessary because your team supports the vision only to the extent *you* say it’s worth supporting.

"How do I retain my best employees?"

Your immediate answers, as a leader, might be to focus on the following: (1) Salary (2) Career growth + promotions (3) Employee recognition.

While all valuable, these areas overlook a primary factor in employee retention: The Work Itself. The Work Itself must be interesting + meaningful to your team members if you want to keep them.

"Oh Claire, but the work at my org is NOT that interesting, and I don't how I can make it more interesting..."

I hear you. Despite this, you can *still* focus on The Work Itself...

Anxiety is the most universally felt experience of leadership. Some call it impostor syndrome or negative self-talk but it manifests in diff. ways for everyone: Paralyzing fear of doing wrong thing, direction changes that give team whiplash, overcompensating w/ hours or force. Aside from the fact this is never a pleasant felt experience – the reactionary self-dialogue that "you could be doing more" and "you're not good enough" – the most common unwanted consequence of leadership anxiety is that we unknowingly transfer that anxiety onto our *team.*

When someone messes up, sometimes, we want to teach them a lesson.

We want them to know that they shouldn't have done that, and man, are we oh-so-disappointed in them.

I've found though, that rarely does guilt-wielding ever result in earnest self-reflection on the other end. Because when someone messes up, chances are that they already feel bad about it.

Perhaps they don't apologize outright. Perhaps they don't sulk when you see them on Zoom.

But why do you need to hear it? And why do you need to see it?

"How do I tie employee's individual contributions to the greater vision of what we're trying to accomplish?"

A few tips:

1st - Make sure vision is clear. If you asked your team about vision, would a clear answer come to mind? (I wrote about this here: kyt.tips/2PAycpO) 2nd - At least 1X month during all-team meetings, communicate how each team's projects contribute to progress toward that vision. How does each project create a tangible step forward to realizing that vision?

Leaders: Slow down.

When you don't take time to slow down as a leader, you start to cram, you start to rush – and you start to believe a narrative that you control everything as the leader. That you are at the center, and it will absolutely all work if you only push harder. This couldn't be further from reality. When you are the leader, yes, you have a title and responsibilities – but the only thing you truly control are the *inputs* that shape an environment.

"I'm a new manager of former peers... What to do?"

It can be tricky a transition when your former peers were once vying for the role you now hold.

Here's what I recommend focusing on to encourage positive working relationships... #1: Make your intention clear. Signal and clearly state during 1:1 meeting that (1) your true purpose in new role is to support them and (2) you will rely their expertise and input. (Of course, only communicate these things if you do indeed truly believe them :-))

In a remote work environment, our perceived lack of visibility often translates into using more pressuring language ("ASAP. Urgent. Should.") in an attempt to ensure "work remains on track.”

However, we fail to recognize *alternatives* to using pressuring language as a leader… Instead of saying "ASAP," try:
- "Is this deadline reasonable?"
- "What trade-off will we need to make so Y is delivered by this time?"
- "What can I take off your place so we can accomplish this?"

“My team has no drive. I feel lost… How do I motivate my team, as a leader?”

This is one of the most common Q’s I get asked by leaders (I received this question again yesterday).

Every time the Q is posed, a false assumption is baked in that makes answering the Q difficult... False assumption: Motivation is a thing that leaders give to their team members.

No, motivation is a thing each person ALREADY has within them. Every person has drive, hopes, skills, and talents they want to access.

It’s the conditions that can kill – or enable – motivation.

Got asked by a CEO today: How do I help my managers who are high potential (but likely overwhelmed) level-up quickly, when I’m also short on time myself?

Don't jump to hiring exec coach, or recommend yet another leadership book.

Do follow a more immediate + practical route... (1) Identify the 1 - 2 things you anticipate they’ll struggle with most. It'll differ for each person, and depend on role and experience, but you'll have a hunch.

Examples: Getting too in the weeds of the work. Being too passive in an area they don’t feel they’re an expert.

Our most common response to pressure is to apply more pressure. It's an attempt to grasp for control.

Leaders: Though we may be feeling more pressure now more than ever, applying pressure on our teams is NOT only way to respond.

Progress is possible w/o more pressure.

How? Avoid pressure words like "ASAP" and "urgent". Instead, try asking...

- "Is this deadline reasonable?"
- "What trade-off needs to be made so X is delivered?"
- "What can I take off your plate so we can accomplish this?"

Root cause of why leaders micromanage? They’re grasping for a semblance of control.

The story they've told themselves is: The more they push, check-in, keep tabs... the more they're in control.

Truth is: Control is a construct. You do not *nor* can you “control” your team. What you *can* do is enable your team. You can help them. You can guide them. But you *cannot* control them. (Nor should you want to!)

Instead of resorting to control, focus on systems that (1) share progress (2) give feedback + direction (3) build rapport.

But how, you ask?

“Help! I need to give a speech to my team as a new manager. What do I say?”

A few things to focus on:

1. Show you’re worthy of team's trust.
2. Show you’re humble + ready to learn.
3. Show your intention is you want to help. For example:

- To show you’re worthy of trust: “I’m nervous taking this position…”
- To show you’re ready to learn: “I’m imperfect, I’m going to mess up, and I’m going to need your help.”
- To show you want to help: “My job is to make this the best role you've ever been in.”

How do you prepare for your first 1:1 meeting with a new hire? A few tips...

#1 - Tell your new hire why you’d like to start holding 1:1s. They're not for status updates. They’re not for brainstorming projects. They're for listening + uncovering issues / feedback. An example: #2 - Ask your new hire what frequency + duration they prefer. If new hire directly reports to you, I recommend weekly 1:1s for 1-hour for 1st 90 days. If new hire doesn’t directly report to you, either biweekly or monthly 1:1 for 1-hour is likely sufficient. But get their input.

(1/6) What questions do you ask when onboarding a new hire? Here's what I asked @therubyrep at @KnowYourTeamHQ just yesterday...

- Where on the spectrum of extrovert to introvert would you place yourself?
- What's your preferred way to receive feedback, in terms of format? (2/6)
- What's your preferred way to receive feedback, in terms of speed?
- What's your orientation toward conflict?
- What time of day are you most productive?
- How would you describe your communication style?