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Chief Counsel, Grupo Bimbo. Ladies, we’re hiring!
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Nov 16, 2023 14 tweets 6 min read
Times Up Let’s Do This: The Risky Consecration of LEEEEEEROY JEEEENNNNNKINS

a Thread

by Conan, Esq Image You remember Leeroy Jenkins. Early modern internet culture meme. Normies played WoW. There was a bridge. The earth was not yet round. I saw the video and laughed, but wasn’t old or online enough to get interested in it.

Oct 15, 2023 13 tweets 4 min read
August Critic Jeffro Johnson recently said people don’t actually read Tolkien. I’ve said similar things many times. I really believe LotR/Tolkien has become a hyperobject with very little direct relation to the word on the page.
Image Recently I mocked one set of thin arguments people inherit and regurgitate about LotR. I’m completely right but the point is that these arguments don’t come from people actually reading and comprehending the words on the page.
Sep 28, 2023 16 tweets 6 min read
I speak now to all the unwelcome right wingers polluting the Tolkien Fandom.

I will address the matters of Racism in Tolkien once and for all.

Tolkien was racist, but Black People aren’t Orcs. I will explain:

1/ Image Yes he was racist, sorry Fascists, but by reading the Tolkien Extended Universe in the light of modern understandings of these issues and by including new voices, much of this Franchise can be redeemed.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t need to stop saying Black people are Orcs.
Aug 31, 2023 19 tweets 8 min read
There’s a real elegance to the structure of Mulan. I see it as a good lesson in how to tell the story of ‘the exception that proves the rule’. The movie is full of these adept Shakespearean symmetries. Maybe the most obvious is reprising the ‘Make A Man Out Of You’ theme from the Training Scene (Mulan masquerading as a man) during the Palace Rescue (The soldiers masquerading as women).
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Jul 18, 2023 17 tweets 6 min read
You guys wanna know what it means to play for keeps in politics?

Let’s check in on what the Dems are doing to lawyers who supported Trump’s election challenges in 2020.

John Eastman is under the gun right now.


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Lurid headlines notwithstanding, Eastman is a heavy hitter in the legal world. He graduated Chicago Law and clerked for Justice Thomas. Among other things, he taught Con Law at Chapman, serves as a Senior Fellow at Claremont, chairs a Federalist Society practice group, etc, etc. Image
May 30, 2023 7 tweets 3 min read
Read about this charming fellow William Dudley Pelley. He’s most famous for the 1929 essay “Seven Minutes in Eternity”, which is sort of the landmark modern out-of-body, vision-of-the-afterlife story. Image Before that, he was a fiction and screenwriter. He wrote a couple of Lon Cheney flicks and won the O Henry award for fiction writing. But he really blew up with Seven Minutes in Eternity.

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Apr 22, 2023 16 tweets 7 min read
Miguel from El Dorado is an interesting character given how the setting and plot references pre-contact Mesoamerica. He comes In Persona Christi and offers a tenderer perspective on how Christianity changed the New World. ImageImage Ok, In Person Christi is a big claim. But Miguel is presented as the innocent soul, unlike Tulio the schemer and cynic. It’s no accident that it’s Tulio who hooks up with the too-sultry Chel (herself a La Malinche figure). ImageImage
Apr 21, 2023 25 tweets 11 min read
Observe the Reenchantment of life in the current era.

Things you thought would die out have instead gained ground.

There is a new generation of Sovereign Citizen hedge wizards carrying the flame of cultural magical practices. Image You know about SovCits? It’s hard to give a short and correct definition because it’s a very schizo and dispersed phenomenon. It’s a cult, a school of magic, and it’s grown bigger than ever in the last decade. Image
Mar 23, 2023 13 tweets 3 min read
I’m going to give the correct answer to the training to fight vs strength training debate. Watch me stick this landing. Braxton is actually right in this tweet. Martial arts training will give you an enormous advantage against an unarmed untrained opponent of roughly equal size/strength and gender.
Feb 28, 2023 10 tweets 3 min read
The story is the thing itself. Greater than the sum of its parts. When a story works, theme arises interstitially like harmony, and you are convinced because of the story’s spiritual truth and internal logic. “Theme” isn’t something you can break out and isolate, it’s a layer of meaning that depends on the whole. An attempted theme that fails to convince because of errors elsewhere is like a legal defense that fails on the facts.
Feb 27, 2023 11 tweets 5 min read
I've posted before, can't find it, how I wish you'd see more 'absent-minded professor' characters in adventure stuff these days. It's such a simple character that offers so many benefits to a story. It has the benefit of being an ancient archetype, as old as Aesop:

"The Astrologer who Fell into a Well" – John Tenniel's illustration from an 1884 edition of Aesop's fables, based on a story about Thales of Miletus
Jan 15, 2023 20 tweets 7 min read
They made Oceans 11-13. Then they made Oceans 8, but they didn’t make Oceans 9 and 10.

Because Oceans 8 sucked. Just fundamentally missed the entire point of a heist movie, much less an Oceans movie. Image Sure you can say 8 is missing the raw star power of 11-13 or the directorial flair of Soderbergh, you can point out that the film is a cringe girl power reboot of the older series starring Bullock as “Debbie Ocean” who ALSO gets out on parole and immediately plans a heist. Image
Dec 26, 2022 24 tweets 10 min read
You say “start a gang” and “join a mannerbund”

Yet you LARP as a scythian space pirate instead of studying the Mexican Mafia—the real living herrenvolk of Gangland. Image Nah don’t worry. Not an encomium for aztecs. Don’t start throwing signs. But Gangland offers good lessons about how to operate in Panopticon, and the price. Because some guys do it for real. Image
Oct 30, 2022 6 tweets 2 min read
playing bingo watching midwit fantasy booktubers Image very easy to get a bingo
Oct 17, 2022 16 tweets 6 min read
Arguing with someone earlier got me thinking about how to explain what a story IS.

It’s not the sum of its parts. Image When writers/critics talk about Plot, Character, Theme, Setting, Motivation, Dialog, etc, they are breaking elements out of a whole to limit the scope of analysis. It’s a way to control complexity for the sake of efficiency. Image
Sep 13, 2022 27 tweets 15 min read
Ever notice how many conspiracies are in Lord of the Rings? It’s as much about conspiracy as it is about open war. You can read the whole thing as a conflict of competing conspiracies. Image And I don’t mean silly fan theories either about Barad Dur being an inside job, I mean the text itself.

We start with a hint—Bilbo is constantly scheming to outmaneuver the Sackville-Bagginses. Image
Jun 4, 2022 30 tweets 14 min read
Why is fantasy/sci-fi and fandom generally so degenerate?

Because for decades it was formed and controlled by a mafia cabal of satanic child abusing perverts who promoted filth within the genre. 🧵
Image You think I’m just selling the thread, but no. Do you know the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America? They’re one of the main “SFF” tastemakers, founded by Damon Knight in 1965. They award the Nebula Prize, which, along with the Hugo, is the premier award for SFF authors. Image
May 11, 2022 18 tweets 7 min read
One of the biggest puzzle pieces left out of the Lord of the Rings films was the Succession Op that Gandalf was running in Gondor. It's at the center of a LOT of the thematic flattening in the films. I want to talk about what removing most of Gandalf's Op does to the films. Image Christopher Tolkien's comments on the films are famous, and the more time I spend with both the more I see his perspective. Image
Apr 21, 2022 14 tweets 5 min read
I love that urban legend about how the karate blackbelt / boxing champ must register his hands as deadly weapons.

Surely it’s a myth—r-right?” 🧵 Image I’m honestly surprised by how real it turned out to be. The registration part is mostly untrue, but Guam *does actually require you to register*—mainly to tax you lol. Image
Mar 4, 2022 19 tweets 9 min read
The mysteries of Antarctica are buried by paperwork more than anything else. 🇦🇶🧵 Image “Hey Conan, I’m launching an expedition to Antarctica. We’ll hire a ship and trek into the wastes, settle this once and for all! You in?”

Whoa, slow down there Anon—do you have all your permits? Image
Jan 24, 2022 25 tweets 10 min read
Godzilla isn’t the central symbol of the original Godzilla (1954). The Oxygen Destroyer is the true focus and interpretive key to the film. It represents the false promise of human technological dominance. Image Watch the original if you haven’t. It’s such a pleasant surprise after growing up thinking Godzilla was all goofy kitsch like this: