this is a apropros of nothing but

my squick is the word squick

the phrase 'don't yuck my yum' yucks me right up love the concepts, the vocab wants to make me cry

you know how dongsik will say he missed juwon when he's in the jail cell and it's to mess with him but then when they do care about each other, he's all 'why would I worry about you?' tsundere?? what if dongsik can call juwon a pretty flower with his full chest when he's messing with him but as soon as he wants to flirt with juwon, he gets all awkward

scifi au except one of them is a sentient starship

if it's dongsik, then of course, juwon is going to trespass looking for clues. if it's juwon, then juwon is going to be a decommissioned ship that's on a scrap planet and dongsik stumbles in looking for some time stuff for minjeong to practice on. having someone walk in wakes juwon up and he starts running sanitization setting.

rookiemag.com/2014/08/ill-be… by amy rose is my headcanon for post-zhaoxie breakup bit before yexie quotes from the article

xie'er: I want to get married

ye baiyi: to WHO?

xie'er:

ye baiyi: who is it? just tell me, I can take it.

xie'er: ye baiyi has some trauma

positive self talk phrases that are in my bag right now bc my counselor told me to make them:

*internal chaos when someone's mad* > because someone is mad doesn't mean I'm wrong.

I am bad at dating >dating is challenging for a lot of people I'm annoying > have a lot of people who like me as a person

I'm boring > I am interesting to some people/I enjoy the interest I have

I am ugly > I am attractive to some people/ Some people find me sexy and appealing.

post canon-xie'er living his best lie as the world's most threating nurse maid.

modern au xie'er working long hours to take care of his yifu and would never once consider hiring a home health aide.

xie jie liubo, caregiver (menacing) did he poison him yes! but everyone hates zj after the media scandal, so who will investigate.

that's a lie because I just want xie'er to get spanked.

warning for spanking?

yifu spanked xie'er one time, and it's printed in xie'er's mind. he remembers the shame of failure, how distant he felt from yifu. did he make him lean against the arm of the chair and cane him? did he have someone else do it? xie'er trying not to cry or move or make a sound. wallowing in yifu's disappointment. he leaves in shame.

ye baiyi suggests it as a sex game and xie'er is like uhhhh sure

mine would be the zhao jing tells xie'er he's a little animal that needs to be kept in line. Or when he gets angry, he gets mean in bed. so xie'er expects the same from ye baiyi. if they have an argument and later he's blowing ye baiyi, he expects to be face fucked. if ye baiyi is fucking him, he expects to be spanked or fucked meanly, half prepped and shoved in.

ye baiyi, shaking his finger at xie'er: I'm going to make you want to live again if it's the last thing I do!

xie'er: same to you!

ye baiyi:

ye baiyi: wait. no. both: before I go, I gotta show them why they should live on

both, later: wait, shit.

au where ye baiyi is a traveler who gets lost on a snowy mountain and comes across an inn. he's hungry so he has the propieter xie jie liubo make him soup. then, when it comes time to pay, he finds that all his money has rusted. counterfiet coins. the wind howls. the shadows seem strange. ye baiyi knows then that xie'er is some sort of spirit. 'most would kill you for that, but if you can answer my riddle, I'll let you go '

the wedding episode of word of honor is just a nightmare wen kexing had from eating a gross bag of working nuts. he was trying to beat ye baiyi and wasn't going to seem afraid of gross food. xie'er tries to get the key from wen kexing and ye baiyi is like 'yikes what are you doing?' *sword flips*

xie'er is like 'nothing, ye-qianbei :)'

ye baiyi is like 'do I need to stay to make sure it stays nothing?'

xie'er is like >:)

wen kexing: ugh, stop flirting

xie'er, when ye baiyi comes home: oh! hello! are you here to deliver the couch? could you help me set it up, my husband isn't home. he hasn't been home for so long....

ye baiyi who think xie'er missed him when he was out: baby :) your husband's home, and he brought you a treat. xie'er who wants to roleplay: is it something nice and big to suck on?

ye baiyi: uh, no, it's hot cheetos.

xie'er, just starting dating ye baiyi: I've gotta protect my man's masculinity. gotta make him feel powerful and knowledgeable and laugh at his jokes.

(Later)

xie'er, in a soft, high, gentle voice: of course, ye-qianbei

ye baiyi: the fuck ye baiyi: *stupid joke*

xie'er: *courtesan laugh*

ye baiyi to himself: what was that? that noise you made

xie'er: you're just so funny, I can't help myself

ye baiyi: *grabs xie'er's face*

xie'er: *intense eye contact*

xie'er in his blue robes and I watch to many harem dramas.

let ye baiyi be his arranged married man and xie'er's dad is like 'serve him well'. xie'er's like, 'got it dad, gonna play him like a flute.' but then ye baiyi's silly... marital nephew?? chengling gets captured and xie'er has to stab someone.

xie'er's covered in blood next to a corpse, chengling is tied up, and then his husband walks in.

yexie where ye baiyi is the side character in a space horror game who supposed to get eaten horribly in front of the main character, chengling, to show how dangerous the monster is. they run from the monster, and they see the doors.

ye baiyi knows that, if the monster grabs ye baiyi and eats him, that will give chengling will have enough time to reach the doors.

how does he know that? he doesn't remember?

he peers under his eyelashes, but the immortal has his back turned, so it doesn't matter anyway. he's poking at the fire, grilling another set of meat.

xie'er warms a little for some reason, he's 75% sure the immortal will not kill him. xie'er eats his meat and rolls the word 'sweetheart' in his head.

is he the immortal's mate now?
trapped in this cavern forever.

if he tries to leave, what will the immortal do? will he kill him if xie'er rejects him? if xie'er bores him?

horror au where xie'er has been hiking a snowy mountain along with zhao jing and his group to find an ancient mythological creature. a creature of untold power, of ice and stone, who came to earth so long ago. they say it knows the secret to immortality. tensions flare. members of zhao jing's group die in the snow, going mad. but still zhao jing follows his old ancient map. the one xie'er found for him.

xie'er tries to tell him, you'll die like this.

in his heart, he doesn't care about the creature, about immortality.

ye baiyi is mortal and he catches a cold for the first time in 100 years. he has a fever and he's so cold. he thinks he's going to shiver apart, that the ice somehow got into his bones.

xie'er finds him huddled under two quilts

feeds him a bowl of medicine and strokes his hair next time he had a fever, he wakes in his bed sweating, muscles sore. he lays there. then, he remembers. the avalanche.

he struggle up and lists his way to the door. steps out into the crisp air and almost into another person.

he stumbles around them and keeps walking.

modern yexie au where xie'er gets payout cash from zhao jing and also his criminal empire, so he makes ye baiyi his sugar daddy. it's like a sugar baby except xie'er gets to come home after a long day of being ruthless and sit in daddy's lap. xie'er: here's a list of things you are not allowed to call me or say

ye baiyi *reaching for list*: ah

xie'er, flushing: actually, just ignore that *takes the list and throws it across the room*

ye baiyi: *goes after it*

as soon as they exchange I Love Yous, they are married in ye baiyi's book. xie'er has no clue and states wistfully at married couples a year in and is like 'have you ever thought of marriage?' and ye baiyi is like 'the... the lifestyle?' xie'er says 'getting married' and ye baiyi breaks into a full body sweat. he has been referring to xie'er out of earshot as his husband for the past 7 months.