Greater Manchester under 16s weightlifting champion 1996. Sometimes I do stand up comedy
Jul 17, 2020 • 16 tweets • 7 min read
Spent a full morning looking at burger adverts that are supposed to come across as appealing on Instagram but they actually look like a proper pain in the arse to try and eat and it’s just made me really angry.
Thread, and feel free to contribute pals:
Look at this fucking knobhead. Do you cut it in half? Smash it down? Throw it against a wall, screaming that your eldest son doesn’t respect you and all he does is “watch someone on YouTube playing games, the same games he’s already got”.
They call this one “The Fuckhat”
Sep 21, 2018 • 48 tweets • 3 min read
On holiday it is important to have a daily routine: here is mine:
6am: Roll out of bed, climb out of window - NOW TO TRY AND FIND MY ROOM
Jul 25, 2018 • 24 tweets • 3 min read
Bloke in front of me in Asda has bought 4 packets of chocolate digestives and a pigs liver. I had plans for tonight but have decided to follow this fucker instead
He’s got in a van right outside the shop - he was parked in a disabled bay. Typical. I’m parked far away because I am a RESPONSIBLE PARKER AND SHOPPER (see earlier tweet about laying bottles flat on the conveyor). Will try and catch him at the traffic lights
