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Geraldine Just Follow TheEverywhereist on Threads Profile picture
Geraldine Just Follow TheEverywhereist on Threads
@everywhereist
Writer. Feminist. Snack-enthusiast. James Beard Award-winning weirdo. Author, IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT (March 2024). She/Her.
2 subscribers
May 9, 2022 • 25 tweets • 6 min read
I somehow have never seen this??? Oh my god.
May 6, 2022 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
So, I haven't been talking about this, because I didn't want to add more fuel to the fire, but fuck all of this.

For the last week, Fox News and the unhinged right have been attacking my friend Nina since she's been appointed to the head of Biden's Disinformation Board. And it's been fucking unhinged and brutal. And their goal in doing so is very clear:
Feb 10, 2022 • 9 tweets • 3 min read
My doctor and I were discussing my anxiety and she said "Brains are made to keep us alive. They're not made to keep us happy." And I can't stop thinking about that. She also had me answer the questionnaire about anxiety and one of the questions was "How often do you worry about the future" and I just started laughing maniacally and she said "okay I'm going to put down 'everyday'"
Dec 13, 2021 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
Had dinner with @seattlefoodgeek tonight and, well, first he 3D printed this ... And then he had this on the wall ...
Dec 13, 2021 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
I do not think the suppliers for TJ Maxx have ever met a Jew in real life. Hanukkah gnomes are ... not a thing?
Dec 10, 2021 • 11 tweets • 4 min read
EVERYONE, THE CHEF FROM BROS REPLIED TO MY REVIEW AND IT IS JUST AS RIDICULOUS AS YOU WOULD HAVE HOPED AND I AM SCREAMING WITH JOY.

today.com/food/brutal-re… HE DEMANDED HIS REPLY BE PRINTED IN FULL, IT IS LIKE CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY.
Dec 8, 2021 • 10 tweets • 3 min read
Remember how a while back I said that I went to a Michelin starred restaurant and it was one of the most singularly awful meals of my life?

I finally sat down and wrote about the whole fiasco.

bit.ly/HellNoBros "The décor had the of chicness of an underground bunker where one would expect to be interrogated for the disappearance of an ambassador's child."

I wrote about one of the most bizarre and truly disappointing meals of my life.

bit.ly/HellNoBros
Dec 6, 2021 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Pomegranates are a great snack for people who have a spare hour and want to destroy their kitchens. Please do not reply with your pomegranate advice, I enjoy my countertops looking like a scene from Dexter.
Jun 28, 2021 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
To those of you wondering what it's like in the Pacific NW right now, I grew up in Florida without A/C. I played sports under the blazing summer sun.

And it was nothing like what I have experienced these past two days. The air feels like it is on fire. It's actually painful, even when you are in the shade. And the sun is only tolerable for a couple of seconds at most.

The temperatures are not dropping at night. And because it's summer, the sun is out from 5am until 10pm.
Feb 22, 2021 • 15 tweets • 7 min read
Everyone's really upset at Meghan McCain for wanting to skip the vaccine line, but I want to talk about how her hair makes me hungry.

Ahem.

Meghan McCain's hairstyles as dessert. A thread.

The Sarah Bernhardt. ImageImage The Pink Pearl Cupcake. ImageImage
Feb 21, 2021 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
Cracks knuckles.

Okay. This is possibly my favorite story? Here we go.

The greatest coincidence of my life. I am in college. I like late night TV (dream of writing for it one day, alas). Sometimes I even record it (on VHS) to watch between classes during the day. In my tiny Seattle studio in the late 90s/early 00s, I consume hours of late night TV between my journalism classes.
Dec 13, 2020 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
All we ask is that women with doctorates instead go by honorific of "sugar tits" All we ask is that women with doctorates instead go by the honorific "so this dame thinks she's brainy"
Dec 5, 2020 • 25 tweets • 4 min read
My husband found out that I have never seen Tombstone and now I'm watching Val Kilmer die of consumption. Okay, so every white male actor from the 90s is in this. Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Sam Elliott, Bill Paxton, Billy Zane, Billy Bob Thorton.

Also, the romantic lead is ... Dana Delaney? Who has been given terrible dialogue.
Oct 4, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Attention writers! Yeah, you. It looks like you have a story to tell.

I can see it, just itching to get out of you, pulling at the corners of your mouth and making your one eye not open properly because you're thinking about it.

It's time to do something about it. "UGH, BUT I DON'T WANT TO, I'M HAPPY CONTORTING MY FACE IN AN EFFORT TO I IGNORE MY HEART."

No. Just no. You need to share it. Because all that weird itchiness you feel in your heart? It goes away when you start writing.

Don't get me wrong: it's deeply uncomfortable.
Jun 1, 2019 • 19 tweets • 8 min read
The Joker should have been a woman. And she finally went insane because too many random dudes told her to smile, so now she perpetually smiles while terrorizing Gotham. She becomes a sort of folk hero for the women of Gotham. She unleashes financial records for companies that don't compensate women properly. She blackmails cheaters and misogynists. She threatens the goddamn Patriarchy. It's terrifying and wonderful.
May 4, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Inventor of the Microwave: I have invented a new kind of oven that is FASTER.

Humanity: Ooooh, awesome. So I can roast this chicken in like, half the time?

IotM: Oh. Oh, wait, was that something you wanted to do?

H: Um, yes?

IotM: Okay, wow you are going to be disappointed. H: Oh, I see - it's way too small for a chicken. Okay. I'll just make toast really REALLY quickly.

IotM: Yeah, it's not really that kind of oven.

H: It can't make toast, either?

IotM: It can't really "cook" things.

H: It's a oven that can't really cook things?

IotM: EXACTLY.
Apr 19, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Inventor of the Dishwasher: I HAVE CREATED SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ALL YOUR LIVES EASIER.

Humanity: WHOA. So we just put dirty dishes in and it cleans them?

IoDW: Um, no. You need to wash them first.

H: Uh...

IoDW: Not thoroughly. Just, like, what you'd do if you were drunk. H: Okay, and then it gets the dishes SUPER clean though, right?

IoDW: Ha ha ha oh, god, no. Several of the dishes will still be dirty.

H: Right.

IoDW: Because you did not "pre-wash" them properly.

H: Before putting them in the machine that washes them.

IoDW: Yes.
Apr 15, 2019 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
HELLO, I HAVE NEVER SEEN GAME OF THRONES AND I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU WHAT I THINK IT IS ABOUT BASED ON WHAT I HAVE LEARNED VIA OSMOSIS (a thread).

It takes place in olden dragon times, where everyone had the plague and also dragons.

There's a lot of murder and rape. I think Aquaman was briefly in it, but then someone murdered him, because everyone on the show gets murdered. Or raped. This was quite early on.

He was married to some skinny blonde lady who has a lot of dragons? She's now out for revenge. Something something Westeros.
Jan 22, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Oooh, this is fun. Let's talk about how being a citizen works.

Kamala was born in Oakland. The U.S. has something pretty rare - it's called birthright citizenship. It means that if you were born here, you are a citizen of this country, no matter where your parents are from. There are other paths to citizenship even if you aren't born in the U.S. - you can become a naturalized citizen. This is the 5-year status as a resident with a green card that Wohl refers to. I have friends/relatives who've done this.
Jan 22, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Literally every single time I befriend one of my idols, I find out she is mired with self-doubt and I'm honestly amazed at how good the Patriarchy is at convincing amazing women that they suck. Me: *sitting in quiet awe of them*

Them: I'm feeling really down about myself and my career and I think I'm just a terrible human being

Me: *barely above a whisper* you walk in starlight
Jan 11, 2019 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
Everything is garbage right now, so I would like to talk about that Japanese infant with the mane of hair so big she looks like a tiny Elvis impersonator. Honestly, this is the best thing I have ever seen. Babies are great when they are bald. But a baby with crazy Donnie Osmond-at-the-peak-of-his-career hair?

I DIE.