TRIBUTE TO GARRI

Dear Garri,

I have always wanted to write this to you because you’ve been there for me when others left, so I decided to eulogize and define you in a special way.🥹

G= Giver of Energy🤗
A= Attitude changer (from bäd mood to good mood)🥱 R= Reducer of weakness in the muscles and joints🦾
R= Relaxer of the body, soul and spirit 🙈
I= Increaser of agility🤘

Some friends have described you in many ways like 🥰
☞ STUDENTS POWER💪
☞ Life Support ☺️
☞ The last hope of Common man 😘
☞ Weakness extinguisher 😋

I got suspended from work because of some fraud issue that happened.

I decided to go home to be with my family during that time. I jokingly lied to my mother and siblings that I got fired.

The treatment towards me changed immediately; they started disrespecting me. My mother even told me that she couldn't take care of an adult male and that I should go hustle. My sisters treated me like I was their junior, and I am the firstborn.

My suspension took three months. In the end, I was cleared, and I am back at work.

A man was traveling by air from Lagos to Abuja. When the journey started, he realized he was traveling alone in business class.

A few minutes later, a beautiful lady came and sat next to him. The lady kept smiling at him, and the man kept bubbling with Joy. She then leaned towards him and whispered in his ear "Hand over all your cash, cards, and mobile phone to me, else I will shout loudly and tell everybody that you are harassing and misbehaving with me"

The man stared blankly at her!! 🙄

I bashed someone’s car yesterday evening where it was parked. A Lexus 470. I felt so bad that the owner would come and meet the car in that state.

So I waited for about 40 minutes thinking the owner would come. After which I dropped him a note hung on the car’s wiper. Left in the note an apology with absolute regret and owning up to take responsibility. With my number included.

So I drove off. I got home and I was expecting a call from the car owner. No call came in throughout yesterday and I was worried.

THEIR WEDDING IS FEW MONTHS AWAY.

He stays in Lagos and she stays in Calabar.

She went for a seminar in Lagos and decided to pay Him a surprised visit at home.

She got to his house around 9pm and met Him getting ready to retire for the night. They were happy to see each other and she decided to spend the night and leave very early in the morning to her Aunty's place.

In the morning, she was already up and ready to move.

But he told her to hang on so he can drop her off on his way to the office.

Know your genotype now.

AA + AA — can marry

AS + AA — can marry

AA + SS — can marry

AS + AS — can not marry

AS + SS — can not marry

SS+SS — can not marry

Rich + Rich — can marry

Rich + poor — can marry

Poor + poor — can not marry

No work + No work - can't marry Two idíots - can not marry

Idiot + Wise - can marry

Wise + Wise - can marry but should be ready for war

No work + Working - can marry

No skill + No skill - can not marry

No Education + Education but no work - can not marry

I have not eaten + send account — can marry

I have been married for 14 YEARS and 'we' have 3kids(all boys) but none of them belongs to me.

5years before I met my wife, I was involved in a car accident together with two of my friends. We were traveling from Lagos to Abuja and our car skidded off the road. I was the only survivor of that accident, my friends died. I spent about 11months at the hospital and that left me with a condition that says I can't have children.

I gave my life to Jesus Christ and became a committed Christian after the incident.

SOCIALISM: You have two cows, and you give one to your neighbor

COMMUNISM: You have two cows, the government takes both and gives you milk

FASCISM You have two cows, the government takes both and sells you milk

NAZISM: You have two cows, the government takes them and kills you CAPITALISM: You have two cows, you sell one and buy a male. You multiply your cows and there is economic growth. You sell them, you retire and you live on your profits.

MODERN CAPITALISM: You have two cows, you sell one and buy a male. You multiply your cows and you buy those of

A woman went to her husband's office to report him to his boss.

She told her husband's boss how her husband usually squandered his N60,000 salary and gave her only N30,000 for upkeep.

After her narration, the boss told her to come back on the last day of the month. On the given day, she arrived as planned.

The boss called the husband and they all sat down in the boss' office.

The boss started, "Mr. Mike, your wife reported to me some days ago that you squander your salary outside and give the family only N30,000 for upkeep.

So last night I had forgotten to warm my soup and had slept off. I woke up this morning to find it sour. I wasn't happy at all. Especially with the fact that I had just cooked it a day before. I couldn't stop blaming myself.

I brought out the pot and placed it angrily outside. My neighbor who had seen me drop the full pot of soup outside asked.

"Neighbour, you go warm am?"

"No. E spoil. I wan trowey am."

"You no warm am last night?"

"I been forget. Sleep carry me for night."

"Eyaaa…"

Former CNN news anchor Isha Sesay recently gave birth to a baby girl at 46.

Ms Sesay revealed she was divorced, opted for IVF from a sperm donor and conceived at 46.

She said, if you’d told the 16-year-old me that at 46, I’d be divorced, single, and having a baby on my own, I’d have shuddered and firmly said, "No!" Back then, I had very definite ideas about the future course my personal life would take, and it didn’t look like this.

I imagined something way more straightforward and, dare I say it, conventional.

A 51 years old banker Segun Balogun who lives in Lekki secretly did a DNA test for his 4 kids; the results came out negative for all of them - 3 boys and a girl.

He became so angry that he beat the children mercilessly, threw them out of the house. The wife, Kemi, came back from the market, and on reaching home, she didn't see any of the children.

She asked her husband the whereabouts of the kids, and the next thing she saw was a knife in her husband's hand; before she could run, it was too late.

A young, well qualified Officer left the job in Lagos and emigrated to Canada for better prospects and applied for a salesman's job at Vancouver's premier downtown department store.

It was the biggest store in the world: you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman?"

"Yes sir, I was a salesman in Nigeria
The boss liked him and said, "You can start tomorrow. Learn fast and do well."

The first working day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it.

A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work.

Her nine-year-old son came home unexpectedly, saw the illegal lover and hid in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

Then the woman's husband unexpectedly came home. She hid her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy was in there already.

The little Boy says: Dark in here

The Man says: Yes, it is

Boy: I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?

Man: No, thanks

Boy: My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!

Husband: Babe I'm at the shawarma spot, I want to get for myself, do you want and what do you want in it? Hot dog or chicken?

Wife: Babe, never mind, I am fine.

Husband: Babe, are you sure? I am not sharing o, I have been craving for this for a long time and I want to enjoy it, that's why I am asking you now, let me buy yours too so that we can both enjoy it.

Wife: I understand but I have eaten, I can't eat anything again, don't worry, start coming, it's late o, is it ready or the shawarma girl is giving you face👀

My ATM card dropped on the ground and got so dusty.

I walked into the bank with it. The security guy at the door asked what brought me to the bank. I told him I needed to speak to a top executive for a matter of grave concern.

He led me to a customer care agent. I told the agent I needed a professional customer care service and would love to see the manager.

He insisted on knowing the specifics. I told him it was asset maintenance and liquidated propensity to enumerate divergent subordination.

He was confused so was I.

Peak Milk wanted an advert to go by 2, and they were in the studio looking for a baby's voice.

The baby that was supposed to come was writing exams and someone said,

“Helen that useless voice you use to make noise, can we use it or see if you can do this thing?” From the reception table, my salary was nine thousand five.

I remember Engineer Ayo Adeife, I will never forget him. He said,

“Helen please can you leave your reception table for about 20 minutes?”

I said, yes.

In case you mistakenly transferred Money to the wrong account and the owner blocked you? or you are duped through your bank account? and then later realized that you have been scammed or a mistake on your part? And the receiving bank is not cooperating?

Open this thread... Many people don't always know what to do, so today am sharing with you things you do when you realize a page you paid for a service or goods is ghosting you:

1. Write out the Full name and account number of the page or person.

After my WAEC, I went for computer training in one of those road side computer schools.

There was this girl, Charity, an O' Level holder, who was also taking the training

After each training we'd stay behind and learn on our own. As Charity and I became closer, we fell in love The guy who was tutoring us, Uncle Sam, was in his final year in the university at the time.

One fateful day, Uncle Sam called me and said something that I'd never forget.

"David! Being in a serious relationship with the opposite sex at this age is not a good idea.

*THIS HAS CRACKED MY RIBS:*

A husband and wife were arguing one morning, about who had better friends.

So they decided to
find out, _here's what they did:_

*Husband calls wife's friends one after the other.

*👉Husband:* Hello madam, my wife didn't sleep at home last night, and I can't reach her, is she with you or did she tell you where she was going to?

*🤔Friend #1:* Omg! Noooo, haven't even seen or
heard from her for the past 3 weeks, I have no idea where she is, maybe you should call her best friend. Hangs up.

He was paying N9,000,000 yearly for 3 bedroom flat in Maitama, Abuja. It was later increased to 10M and he was paying. No savings. No investment. He's working. He believed and depended on his salary. It will surely be coming.

His argument: "When you live in the neighborhood of big men, you will behave like big men. You roll with big men. Packaging. You network".

His junior colleagues went to the developing areas like Lugbe, FO1 Kubwa, Ushafa and bought lands in the selling estates there.