We are in a full conservative / hyper capitalist/ clout cultural backswing and most of us have NOT noticed, because we have bent our lives and perspectives to be successful at all costs… Many scoff when I remark on my feelings of being undesirable and fascism working it’s way into the body, but the libidinal economy is a REAL force that acts against especially full bodied darker, queerer femmes especially, and more than most, those with equally robust opinions

When you tell someone about something they should apologize for and they say some form of “I’m sorry I did that” and very little else>>>>>> Some things that are NOT apologies: “I’m sorry I made you feel that way” — this is a non apology because it doesn’t link the feeling with the action with enough causality , it can be added to an apology for an action but is NOT the apology itself

I DO have to say I’m proud to be getting mature enough to just sit in peace with some people who don’t like me (who maybe I wish they did, because I like/admire them) ... and in that peace I can also be critical: some of y’all don’t need to like me but could really learn from me. Really deep diving into my desire to be likeable and my desire to disrupt. How will I get things I want, desire, deserve if I am not likeable? Is there a relatively higher demographic risk?

Y’all I am heating up, Saturn is out of Capricorn and my intellectual and emotional maturity are stationing direct but I literally cannot say half the shit that needs to be said before I get way more widespread community and cultural buy in cause... 👀👁🥺 I’m literally at the point where I am closing my notes app before opening up other ones, writing shit in notebooks... and that’s fact based behavior. Believe that: research Cointelpro.