Jingle bells,
Donald #TrumpSmells
Rudy has to beg.
Fed appeals, Hitler shpiels
Help Donald get away.

Oh,
Jingle bells, Donald Trump Smells
Ronna, to the Feds
Nikki's polls, Donald's scolds,
Prez again? No way. J-6 nuts posting on X all the time
Jack Smith ripping up their votes
Fools side with Donald being under fire
And folks dressed up like Q bozos
(1)

John Eastman put on a suit and tie and they still managed to make his mugshot look like the High School Science teacher caught with his ding-a-ling stuck in a beaker. Scott Hall looks like he drunkenly drove his Mazda Miata into a Friendly's and then shat on the counter claiming he was personally making his own Hunka Chunka Peanut Butter Fudge Lava Cake.

NICK ADAMS: I just walked into a Victoria's Secret at the Mall and asked out a perfect 10 in her underwear. The liberal store manager was not happy, telling me to leave her expensive mannequins alone. I told her that an Alpha Male spares no expense when it comes to women. NICK ADAMS: I just told the girl behind the counter at Auntie Anne's that she should stop making what I imagine are obscene vulva shaped pretzels, as there are kids at the mall and that she should stick to nuggets or rods. She apologized and is changing the pretzel shapes now.

If i had seen Hunter Biden's penis I might not have voted for Joe Biden. For Democracy to work I have to like the look of the President's son's penis. Take President Van Buren's son Abraham for example. There was a President's son with a strong shaft, and plentiful balls. Now President Hayes' son Sardis Birchard Austin, too veiny and with a weird mole at the base. Not befitting of the son of the leader of the free world. Old Rutherford would decidedly not have had my vote.

TRUMP: I want every calendar changed. Anyone who doesn’t change it doesn’t get my endorsement in November. I’m serious. I want last week to be my 2019 meeting with Zuckerberg on everyone’s calendar. Get my sharpie. I’m changing this desk blotter. Let me know when it’s done. Now! LINDSEY GRAHAM: (on Fox) Mr. Trump says it is October 2019 right now and I'm inclined to believe him. If y'all don't, expect riots in the streets. I'm getting my Halloween basket right now. Y'all had better too.

Mar-a-Lago Tour
TOUR GUIDE: On your right is the Trump SCIF, that's where Mr. Trump keeps his most top secret super duper documents. Let me pull one out and show you how secretive they are. Oh look, it's Trump's dear friend Russian Minister Sergey Lavrov. Hi Serge. Back again? TOUR GUIDE: This padlock, let me get it off the ground, was a gift from one of Trump's favorite kids. You know her as Ivanka! Used to be on her diary when Mr. Trump started dating First Lady Melania. The combo is 0420 which happens to be a celebrity birthday? Y'all know Hitler?

How will Trump do under oath today?

AG: State your name.
TRUMP: Sharona Delacroix Fassbutter the third. AG: Did the Trump Family commit fraud?
TRUMP: I plead the Two Corinthians.

Herschel Walker explaining trickle down economics.

WALKER: We in America got some of the biggest waterfalls in the world. Everybody wants our trickle. Ask around. People go down them in barrels. So when we fill all those good barrels with money, and they come trickling down.... Herschel Walker explaining the Greenhouse Effect.

WALKER: We got houses in America of all colors. Yeah, we got red ones, blue ones, green ones. The problem is, when you got a front lawn and I don't know about y'all, but my front lawn is green, it causes a greenhouse effect....

8 hours of Pat Cipollone Testimony

HOUR 1 HOUR 2

Police departments now gonna need an OB/GYN division?

“I got a fertilized female, age 22, at the CVS on Main and Culver, perp was trying to 86 a blastocyst. Poor little guy. She was holding some levonorgestrel. She seems hormonal. Requesting backup. Over.”

OB/GYNYPD Blue “Look, it doesn’t gotta be like this. Tell us what week you’re in, and why you were heading to Chicago? My partner, he’s not as patient as I am.”

“HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU?! AND WHY DID YOU HAVE SO MANY SNACKS IN YOUR DAMN CAR?!!”

“Easy Kowalsky. See ma’am? Want some coffee?”

PUTIN: Why panda bears fly American F-22's over Moscow? Get Xi on phone. This is declaration of war by China!

TRUMP: See? I'm a stable genius. TRUMP: Next, we paint a giant tunnel entrance on the Russia side of the border with Ukraine so the Russians will think it's a tunnel into Ukraine, and then BAM! Right into the wall. The whole convoy.

On Fox News Trudeau, mandating vaccines, is a cruel and vicious dictator, while Putin, who is about to invade a neighboring Democracy, is just protecting his country. And on Fox News Hillary Clinton is an evil conniving spymaster who destroyed damning emails, despite zero evidence, while Trump, who actually tried flushing shredded classified documents down a WH toilet, and stole the rest in boxes to Mar-a-lago, is somehow a living saint.

Civil War Letter
Georgia, 10/10/21

My Very Dear Wife:

Indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write a few lines, that may fall under your eye, in case I die.
(1) Our movement to the Walmart parking lot may be of severe conflict and death to me. If I should fall on the battle-field, proving President Trump won in 2020, because of Chinese thermostats changing the votes, I've no misgivings about the cause in which I am engaged. (2)

MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: Next I'm going to a wax museum to learn why I shouldn't eat the candles on top of the cake. They are not candy y'all. MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: Then I'm gonna go to the Van Gogh Museum cause I parked my mini-van this AM and we can't find it anywhere.

SEAN SPICER: The former President did not pee or poo himself last night. His pants were stylishly wrinkled and his lower gut is not a fupa. He looked dry, handsome, and stylish. PERIOD! MARK MEADOWS: We are strongly investigating a credible plot, by Italy, to give President Trump a pair of pants with the front in the back and the back in the front, as a way to thwart his chances of reelection. Fashion terrorism. We believe we have key evidence.

I’m at a...... mall. Forever 21 has a busted air conditioner and my daughter has about 8 items to try on. I am like one of those suffocating Mars people in Total Recall when the oxygen gets turned off.

And now an MTG musical number.
MARJORIE:
They think that a gal, who thinks differently,
Can’t get things done, but I’m insistent see.
Tho, I may not sit on any committee.
I’m still allowed in, I've got an ID,
So QAnon gals, like me on TV,
Get tons of attention, and all for free! CHORUS:
Let’s all go and adjourn,
Nancy’s buns start to burn.
Obstruct and annoy,
Gum the works, boy oh boy!
How much time on Fox News can I earn?

There once was a Senator named Ted,
He left his poor Texas for dead.
He abandoned his rubes,
Put the kids in some tubes,
And tanned his man boobs instead. There once was a man in Cancun,
His vacation, a wee bit too soon,
While his state boils tap water,
He puts in a room service order,
And now shamefully hides in his room.

Hey @RepMTG this is after American Airlines Flight 77 hit the Pentagon on 9/11. 184 people killed. The only thing so called about it is your expertise. And these sweet faces are the faces of actual victims of a terrible school shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School. Not staged. Not fake. Carried out by someone who should never have had a gun. May their memories be a blessing forever and always.

Here is the list of cowards in the US Senate who refuse to comment on Trump's attempts to steal the election and harm our Democracy. Their silence speaks volumes. @senatemajldr
@SenJohnThune
@SenJohnBarrasso
@RoyBlunt
@SenJoniErnst
@SenToddYoung
@SenAlexander
@MarshaBlackburn
@JohnBoozman
@SenatorBraun
@SenatorBurr
@SenCapito
@SenBillCassidy
@SenatorCollins
@JohnCornyn
@SenTomCotton
@MikeCrapo
@SenKevinCramer
@SenTedCruz
@SteveDaines

Next week...

SCOTT BAIO: I‘m someone who knows about Happy Days. Pause for laugh. Oh I wasn’t supposed to read that. Let me start over. I’m someone who knows...

TRUMP: Thank you Fabio. Great kid. I taught him how to act. So Sleepy Joe bombed his schpeesh last week. What a mesh! TRUMP: I want to bring out the First Lady. Everyone loves the First Lady. Isn’t she great? Come on out Melania. The best thing about her is how handsome she thinks I am. Ask her. If there were people in here you could ask her. Melania come out. Dan, would you get her out here?