🌻 being, belonging, & becoming 💫 newlywed 💍 🥰 everything is developmental 🌱 trust the process ✨
Feb 3, 2023 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
“The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.
The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionize…” (1/8)
“… beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.” (2/8)
Feb 2, 2023 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
When a child is mistreated, it’s safer for them to internalize “something’s wrong with me” than “something’s wrong with [mom]”, because in the former, they might be able to stop the mistreatment through better behavior.
Shame can at least be partially integrated. Doom can’t.
As social beings, we have a perpetual question of whether we have access to belonging. Ideally, we develop our autonomy and confidence in our ability to find belonging through acceptance and love. We exile parts of us that want belonging where we don’t think it’s available to us.
Feb 2, 2023 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
You learn the purpose of your ‘yes’ and ‘no’, not by analytically understanding them before you act, but when you heed them.
Follow the ‘yes’ and turn away from the ‘no’ to find where it’s leading you. Live through them to learn about them.
Those ‘yes’ and ‘no’s are answers for the moment and the state you are currently in. They are not projections for the future or commitments to be solidified into identity.
Present moment responsiveness. Aliveness. Energy.
Nov 19, 2022 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
People with ADHD kick into high gear when a deadline’s approaching because sympathetic nervous system activation makes the task stimulating enough to hold their attention.
But you can invoke that effect by purposely activating the system w/movement & getting your heart rate up
It doesn’t have to be a big thing, either. Like going on a run is great but even just 2 minutes of jumping jacks or squats or high energy dancing and jumping around can completely unblock a task that would’ve sat on the to-do list for a couple days otherwise
Nov 19, 2022 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
There's a lot of overlap between people who really hated school and people whose personal hobbies as adults sound very similar to doing homework
Staying at a friend’s place tonight. Meet our roommate: Dwayne.
(Tissue box for scale)
I just know he’s hiding one of those uncut gems in there
Jun 11, 2021 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Feels like it was a big mistake to pathologize people’s basic needs for attention from other people. So much pain and trauma can be easily explained by being rooted in fear of abandonment and rejection — the way we treat each other should honor that.
A rule of thumb I’ve found useful: If you can explain someone’s pain, anger, contention, or disconnection as being related to a deep seated fear of abandonment, you don’t actually need a more complicated explanation.
It’s the thing we all literally have in common.
Nov 22, 2020 • 12 tweets • 3 min read
🧵 A pattern I've noticed in myself & every woman or marginalized person in tech I've mentored or managed:
They don't know how well they're doing & how much value they provide, & even when they're told, they don't necessarily believe it right away. It takes repetition and trust.
Early in my career, I felt like I had no gauge for whether I was doing my job well, and this hurt my ability to feel confident in what I knew or ask for what I needed.
Having a mentor I trusted to be honest with me wasn't enough - I had to choose to pretend to believe them.
Oct 11, 2020 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
You all really hate purportedly flat organizations, too! That makes me hopeful.
Now I'm wondering how my new followers will feel about everything else I want to change 🤔
My pinned thread covers a lot of it.
Social media and ethics in AI/ML are also big in my sights.
I think the best way to get familiar with me and my point of view is to look at these two searches:
The choices are: (1) an explicit hierarchy w/ clear responsibilities and accountability or (2) implicit hierarchies with no clear responsibilities or accountability.
And it's false that (2) is inherently more meritocratic.
Wrote a bit about my experience in “flat” organizations here:
When I talk about harm created by tech and someone immediately wants to discuss intentions, I've started to assume it's at least partly because they can easily imagine themselves causing the same harm & want to make sure they'll be judged only on their intentions when they do.
I don't mean this unfairly - I'm not bound to that assumption. But there are people who bring up intentions and people who don't. If I ask why they go there, I often don't get a very good answer.
Good intentions are necessary but not sufficient.
Sep 7, 2020 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
🧵 I’d like to gently pump the breaks on “dissolve all hierarchy” as a plan for equality. I believe things that occur at the micro level also occur on the macro level, and as someone who has been on purportedly “flat” teams, I can tell you that hierarchy is always present.
Without formal hierarchy, the power structures that emerge have no rules, boundaries, or accountability. Everyone is unsettled not knowing who they can go to and trust or who they are competing with. The loudest, brutish, most stubborn people win the day and end up on top.
