Author of Marlon Bundo & The Someone New & Major Makes History. Writing at The Amber Ruffin Show, formerly @LastWeekTonight https://t.co/adAZeQuZtD
Nov 24, 2022 • 14 tweets • 5 min read
HELLO AND WELCOME TO THANKSGIVING 2022 WHERE I WILL BE WATCHING THE NATIONAL DOG SHOW AND RENAMING ALL OF THE DOGS.
Please allow me to introduce Detective Copernicus Mulligan Barkster, who has just solved the mystery of “Did Someone Leave a Lil Piece of Hamburger in the Couch Cushions?”
Jun 25, 2022 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
I think the frustrating thing we keep hearing from politicians right now is "We care about women's rights to control their own bodies, but we care even more about norms."
"I want women to get to be whole people, but even more than that, I want norms"
Today is finally the day I get to tell you about maybe the coolest thing I’ve ever gotten to work on in my life! It’s a book to help people with ALS communicate. It’s gonna take a whole thread to explain, but here’s an article to start you out. bbc.com/news/uk-englan…
Let’s go back. As you probably know, ALS (called MND in Britain) is a truly horrible, neurodegenerative disease that currently has no cure. It also usually robs patients of their voices, sometimes months or even years before they lose their lives.
Nov 25, 2021 • 15 tweets • 9 min read
HELLO AND WELCOME TO THANKSGIVING 2021 WHERE I WILL BE WATCHING THE NATIONAL DOG SHOW AND RENAMING ALL OF THE DOGS.
Allow me to introduce you to Pulitzer Prize Winning Author, Dr. Winston Honeynut
Oct 30, 2021 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
One thing I would like is a recut of a horror movie where every surprise is delightful. Like the girl finally decides to check out the weird noise coming from the basement, AND IT’S FOURTEEN HEDGEHOGS THROWING AN ICE CREAM SOCIAL
A creepy doll comes to life in the middle of the night and makes homemade apple cider donuts and then leaves out a medium easy crossword puzzle with a note that says “this one is really hard!” so you feel smart when you do it
Sep 29, 2021 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Sinema always strikes me as a theatre kid who was never good at theatre
Like if she could belt AT ALL, we'd have raised the debt ceiling by now
Jun 13, 2021 • 24 tweets • 13 min read
Folks, allow me to welcome you to the 2021 Westminster Dog Show. TONIGHT I WILL BE RENAMING ALL OF THE DOGS
Might I introduce you to my good friend Lord Gumbo Copernicus, who I regret to inform you has eaten two chew toys just today
Dec 29, 2020 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Every person on Bridgerton has the perfect name for a Pomeranian puppy
Penelope Featherington
Nov 26, 2020 • 10 tweets • 5 min read
GUYS I AM SPENDING THANKGIVING ALONE IN MY APARTMENT AND SO OH BOY AM I EVER GONNA RENAME SOME DOGS (from the National Dog Show in NBC if you want to play along)
Miss Elspeth Marmalade, Grand Duchess of Noodles
Nov 7, 2020 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Stages of Grief: 1) Denial. 2) Anger.
Apr 13, 2020 • 9 tweets • 3 min read
I have been watching a rerun of the 2015 Westminster Dog Show and I’m afraid I have been forced to rename all of the dogs. May I introduce you to Detective Bonesworth Chowder?
Tibbles Von Sticky, Grand Duchess of Couch Cushions
