Reader, writer, trying to find my voice. I'm here as a woman who loves Jesus and his word, and wants better for his church.
Mar 19 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
I knew Doug Wilson's book on marriage was bad, but didn't realize HOW bad. I've been flipping through it to write about later this week. It's worse than I remembered. There are so many awful quotes it's hard to pick just a few:
"God has created us as male & female in such a
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way as to ensure that men will always be dominant in marriage."
"As Peter teaches, women need to understand they are being led by a lord."
“Feminist dogma, engineered by ungodly men, has managed to maneuver multitudes of women into the workforce outside the home. But this
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Oct 4, 2024 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Once upon a time, I thought the Billy Graham Rule made sense.
By avoiding one-on-one time with women they aren’t married to, men would be protected from sin.
And, I was told, men practiced this to honor and protect women.
The problem is, I’ve never seen it work this way
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I’ve spent my entire adult life in churches where the BGR was practiced. And I’ve come to see the rule not as a protective measure, but as a symptom:
Communities where men are taught to avoid women are fundamentally unhealthy.
Instead of mutual respect, there’s
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Aug 2, 2024 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
I still thought he was my friend that day.
We were chatting after the church staff meeting. He was an elder, I was women's ministry leader; his wife was one of my closest friends. We'd had many meals together. But that day something seemed off. Was he trying not to talk to me?
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I felt uneasy, but dismissed my worries. (just overthinking it!)
The next day, I got a call from the lead pastor: the elders have voted to bring you up on charges.
I was brought in for a meeting with some of the elders. The one I'd talked to after staff meeting didn't attend.
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Jul 7, 2024 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
When our former church was trying to hire a new pastor, they posted the job opening online, with a photo.
It was a nice photo, one of our pastors smiling & shaking hands with someone. But the pastor was white, the other man was Black, & it falsely represented our church:
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From the picture, it looked like we had a diverse congregation. We didn't at all. The man shaking the pastor's hand wasn't even a member, just an occasional attender. And he probably wasn't aware his photo had been taken or would be used this way.
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Jul 6, 2024 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
Last year, I spent the 4th of July trying not to cry at a cookout. We were celebrating with friends from our new church, in a new state, where we’d been living for just one year. This new community was friendly, but all I could feel was grief.
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These families had known each other for years; some had kids & then grandkids growing up together. These were the kinds of friendships I believed we had, once upon a time. These were friendships we’d spent nearly 10 years building in our former home. Now they were gone:
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Jun 7, 2024 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
In 2019, I was women's ministry leader at an SBC church. I asked the elders to work through the Caring Well curriculum on sexual abuse with the women's care team.
They chose not to.
In 2020, after George Floyd, I tried to have our women read a book on racial reconciliation. 1/
Lead pastor said the topic was too controversial & could lead to conflict. We were an almost entirely white church in North Carolina.
In 2021, I called a pastor after a woman came to church with bruises on her face. I'd already noticed the cruel ways her husband spoke to her;
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Mar 23, 2024 • 6 tweets • 1 min read
My former pastor and I once had a conversation about the merits of the Billy Graham rule.
Over email I described how, when men choose to avoid me, it makes me feel like a dangerous object.
He pushed back, explaining it was important for pastors to draw lines, because
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if they sinned, it could lead other people away from God. He said:
“No one would stop going to school or drop education if you and one of your school coworkers had an inappropriate relationship. But, I have lists of people who endured who endured
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Feb 23, 2024 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
Last week, a woman at our church asked me to meet for lunch. She runs the women’s ministry, which I’ve been volunteering with. As we got together today, she mentioned she wanted to get to know me better.
All through lunch, I was waiting for the agenda to begin.
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Was there a job she wanted me to do? A concern to discuss?
I was a little worried it was one of *those* meetings — the “let’s get coffee” invitation where you’re going to be ambushed about something you’ve done wrong.
But then the check came,
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Jan 18, 2024 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
There are strict rules for when a woman is harmed by a man in power.
He will be “a good man who made mistakes;” she will be “his accuser.”
He will always receive the benefit of the doubt, while her credibility, motives, & even sanity will be called into question.
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He is allowed to be angry. She cannot be anything but submissive and deferential.
He is not obligated to apologize, but she is expected to “forgive.”
What he did to her will never be judged as harshly as how she reacts to it.
