Jules Suzdaltsev Profile picture
views expressed here are not those of my employer I really can’t stress that enough
Bill Jackson III 🖥 🦅🌊🗽 🇺🇸 ✊🏽🌊 Profile picture eDo Profile picture LesKatSpr Profile picture i.W.A.N. Profile picture nikkiprice Profile picture 5 added to My Authors
21 Jan
Guess I'll just be making these the rest of the night!
Read 6 tweets
19 Jan
millennials have the most boomer energy I have ever seen about gen z deciding what the new social culture and customs are - they are *panicked* about not being 22 anymore and cannot handle the idea that they aren’t the arbiters anymore
millennials spent their entire 20s refusing to learn life skills as a personality trait and now call changing a lightbulb “adulting”, so when confronted with their waning social power with little to show for it they are freaking the f*ck out
like hell yeah boomers destroyed our entire material lead up to adulthood, but hey it’s here, stop being mad at gen z who saw it coming by looking at us and got really good at dancing and hair in their early teens to make up for zero financial mobility
Read 10 tweets
12 Jan
Since Trump’s almost out of office, I figured this would be a fun time to remind everyone of the weirdest & dumbest sh*t our failed dictator did in the last four years that we totally forgot about.

Starting with a classic:

Read 34 tweets
30 Dec 20

My building management changed the front door code to get in without telling anyone, and I’ve been locked out since midnight in below zero weather.

Had to spend $50 on Ubers to get to my partner’s place so I didn’t freeze to death.

Absolutely furious.
I ran downstairs to grab delivery in a thin t-shirt and sandals, didn’t even think to bring my mask. Had to beg my Uber driver for a mask, which thank god he had.
Read 19 tweets
29 Dec 20
Having to carry pennies after a transaction is like a tax on paying in cash.
How do pennies even circulate?? The only time they ever come into play is when you get change back, nobody is regularly going around paying exact change to the penny!
Get rid of these dumbass pennies, and frankly get rid of nickels too, just round everything to the nearest tenth, whats gonna happen??
Read 4 tweets
8 Nov 20
I really can’t stress how badly I need the full story, in detail, about the Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference.
The simplest explanation is that they meant to book the Four Seasons hotel, but it still doesn’t make sense because HOW did they accidentally book a landscaping company without any kind of press conference amenities?
How do you even book a landscaping company for a press conference??? At what point should someone have said “Hey, you know we’re not the hotel, right?”
Read 4 tweets
6 Nov 20
So like, what are we going to do on this website now?
I have some good recipes for al pastor tacos, if anyone wants.
Or uhh, here’s a pic of my dog:
Read 5 tweets
22 Jul 20
Last year my Jewish grandmother spent hours begging me not to move to Berlin because she still associates it with Nazism, and then this week she called to tell me she’s glad that unidentified government agents are kidnapping protestors because the protestors are subhuman scum.
Not great, folks!
We also had a pretty amazing conversation about taking down Confederate statues, where somehow walked herself into a scenario where she said she would not agree with tearing down statues of Osama bin Laden and Hitler if they were erected in her neighborhood.
Read 13 tweets
14 Mar 20
95% of the people I've talked to in the last few days who are over 65 absolutely refuse to make any changes to their lifestyle.

As best I can tell, they're under the impression that the best response to a global pandemic is a positive mental attitude and grit.
The DAY that my parent's friends got back from flying to three different cities after being denied clearance to fly to Europe because of the virus, they invited all of their friends over for wine and steaks.
My grandmother's response when I called her yesterday to ask if she was staying indoors was,

"Of course not! I'm not going to panic just because the media tells me to. You don't know what's going on, I don't know what's going on, so why disrupt everything on the off chance?"
Read 4 tweets
20 Sep 19
The house is on fire and Nancy Pelosi is standing in front of the fire truck because they don’t have a permit to block the street.
AOC is running towards the fire with buckets of water trying to rally people to do the same, and Pelosi is telling her to cut it out because she’s wasting too much water.
Chuck Schumer is lending the arsonist money to buy more matches, under the condition he buy fewer matches this time.
Read 8 tweets
13 Sep 19
When the dentist accidentally scrapes your gums while cleaning your teeth:
When you close the front door on your way out but it just misses the latch and bounces back open so you have to turn around and close it all the way:
When a single subway car is totally empty during rush hour because someone threw up in it:
Read 19 tweets
5 Sep 19
@realDonaldTrump What's amazing is that if you go to the NOAA page and look up their model from Advisory #21, it doesn't show anything close to this graphic:
@realDonaldTrump I see, if you select "34 knot winds" which are projected as strong enough to "break twigs off a tree" on the Beaufort scale, the NOAA briefly included Alabama last week.
Read 5 tweets
31 Jul 19
If you watched the debate tonight, and you care about the outcome, go make a donation to the candidate you think won, right now.
Read 5 tweets
25 Jul 19
Nancy Pelosi's steadfast obstruction is a danger to our Democracy.

When all three branches of govt. have been compromised by bloodthirsty fascists.

When the President is a power hungry racist w/ clear signs of dementia.

When babies are dying alone in concentration camps...
The time to start impeachment proceedings was on January 27, 2017, with the Muslim Ban.

We are two and a half years late, and just yesterday Robert Mueller made it abundantly clear that it is Congress' job to impeach.

Yet Pelosi has the gaul to call it "premature".
I hate to admit it, but the one thing Republicans REALLY did right, that paid off BIG TIME, was ejecting establishment Republicans through the Tea Party and centering around their TRUE values, which turned out to be racism, hoarding capital, and hurting women.
Read 6 tweets
5 Jul 19
For the record, Alexander Graham Bell was an undocumented immigrant.
Because for like 200 years if you were white you could just show up and nobody would even bat an eye.
And basically everyone screaming about “illegals” is almost definitely descended from one of those white undocumented immigrants.
Read 4 tweets
22 Apr 19

Best Trash Chain Pizza
Best Vegetable Topping
Best Non-Pepperoni Meat Topping
Read 4 tweets
4 Apr 19
Glasses wearing friends, why is it impossible to find all-wire rim glasses in a wayfarer style?

It feels like I’m being ridiculed, I just want my exact current glasses but in a wire frame.

Why is that so hard?
No joke, I’m considering just learning how to make wire frames and making myself a pair.

How does this not exist?
Ok, I feel like some of you don’t know what wire frames are:
Read 6 tweets
2 Apr 19
While I like this article, and appreciate @Bernstein as a skilled reported, it irks me a bit that I am referenced repeatedly in this article as having made "multiple errors" in my initial tweet/reporting of the Baraboo story - when those errors were benign and irrelevant.
Specifically, two errors: initially getting the graduating class year incorrect as being 2019 rather than 2018 (which I quickly corrected when contacted by another student), and saying that it was "the entire class" doing a Nazi salute, when it was not every single person.
It also bothers me that these error are referenced as a reason that the public was wary of the story and the media.

Also, the fact that I was not contacted at all in regards to this story, and quite a massive word count is devoted to sympathizing with the students in the photo..
Read 7 tweets
28 Mar 19
Facts don't care about your feelings, bud.
lmao shout out to ben shapiro for retweeting dozens of alt-right people insisting that he isn't alt-right (and neither are they).
Anyone who has read any alt-right forums will quickly see that there is a faction that believes Jews are evil and anti-white, and another faction that believes Jews are helpful and white.

Ben Shapiro's central argument is that he is part of the latter faction.
Read 4 tweets
20 Mar 19
ok I’ll bite..,, who is joe biben?
is he a doctor or like
is it a store?
Read 4 tweets
15 Mar 19
They are male.

They are white.

They hate non-whites.

They hate women.

They love guns.

They are murderers.

They are right-wing.

They are terrorists.

Every time.



Don’t watch the footage, please.

It’s horrifying and you don’t need to see it.

He wanted you to watch him murder Muslims in a mosque. Please don’t.
Pretending that these identical mass murders are not fundamentally born out of right-wing ideology is, frankly, emboldening terrorism.

It’s not a “lone wolf” when they are radicalized in packs from the same sources, the same websites, the same politicians, the same demagogues.
Read 11 tweets