listen. i’m a pattern matcher. and there needs to be a 3 billion dollar study into why non americans almost instinctively block entrances and walking paths. i’m convinced 95% of american success is because we aren’t gridlocked at all times by our own idiot npcs

i fucking love this country so much. so privileged to share this space with legend after legend after fucking legend i’m not even kidding when i say that i am tortured by an expectation to exceed. i know so many talented, smart and kind individuals that didn’t win this fucking birth lottery, and its eats at me that i need to succeed in glorious fashion otherwise its disrespectful to them

so i got a quest 3. and let me tell you: after zucks impassioned speech, i said fuck it, i’m copping. he earned it. i already had a quest 2.

It’s bring your kid to work day so I’m starting her off strong Told her leave the iPad upstairs, that shits for managers and the unemployed

Lol I’m sitting here trying to make steak, asked my wife to make the kids hot dogs on the grill, I hear the grill lid slam, I come out and she’s trying to open the lid with tongs. I’m like have… have you never grilled before? She’s like no lol. She makes some hard body cauli tots tho, I’ll tell you that much

My kid: “I can’t take this bandaid off it’s gonna hurt”

Me: “I snapped this finger in half skateboarding, bone sticking out and everything and put it back in place and then went camping. That shit hurt.” This is gonna be so dope when I’m 50