Does anyone who does Twitch as their primary source of income get any time off? Cuz it seems to me like that's not an option. Like it's always "once I get to X point, I can relax". But the goalposts for X always seem to move. Is that it? Part of the reason I abruptly stopped streaming a month ago was because I immediately felt beholden to subscribers as soon as I reached affiliate. 2 streams a week for $5 a month is crap compared to, say, Netflix. So it's a lot to pay per hour of entertainment.

Muting people who you like but who post triggering stuff is self care. It isn't "soft blocking". Those who care will truly understand this, but will also have a relationship with you outside of what they post on their feed. If not...they're not close so it can't matter much. I only started muting people who post triggering stuff in the last few months. It turns out that like 2-5 people or something were causing the majority of my social media related mental distress. I like them so would look at their posts when I saw them come up.

Today in staying in my lane: accepting there are some things I'm very good at and instead of trying to hide those things from people who might judge me, trying to embrace allowing people to know, and to let them ask me about what I know. I love helping people. Somewhere along the line I picked up this chip on my shoulder where I feel like people don't like me or don't want me to be a part of things I'm a part of. I don't want to be reclusive. I'm afraid of online harassment again like 2012 with stalking but I can't hide forever.

I've decided to stream making some cosplays soon!

I've been wanting to make some for years now, but never had the time to do it because I want to get the details right. I got the latex for a Lara Croft outfit 2+ years ago! I also had ideas for some Overwatch ones, and others. I've been thinking about it a lot because I was making a Black Cat cosplay today (pics below of the process).

I realised a year or so ago that complaining as much as I do is really bad for my mind. It also reinforces neural pathways for more complaining in future. I won't "get it out of my system", but will reinforce it in my system. So more complaining. I've been trying not to complain. It's really hard though because for years I've reinforced these pathways that make me moan about shit. & I get it. I've had some shit times in life. I've lacked support. I'm in physical pain all the time. I have depression that won't go away. & complaining doesn't help. Sadly.

ADHD meds update:

It's weird when you have a day off of taking meds because you go back to being super forgetful, but you don't remember you're going to forget, so you're not constantly checking to see what you forgot, & end up blissfully unaware of it all until it's too late. I'd say that this is probably a sign that the meds are working. My crippling anxiety has gone. I'm no longer constantly paranoid about whether there's something important I should be doing instead of whatever thing I'm doing at any given moment.