A few years ago, someone told a whopper of a lie abt me & posted it online in various spaces, a real humdinger of a slander. It unmoored me. Even in its insidious falseness, it knocked my feet out from me, confirming my worst fear: that I'm badder than bad, so bad I can't see it.

https://twitter.com/KelseyHency/status/1397003239938273280

Part of the work of healing has been and is in therapy, peeling back the layers of why a lie like that would buckle me under. Part of the work was leaving spaces where lies like that find fuel.

I have agonized in early morning hour ER rooms hearing, "You're pregnant and it's nonviable." I have seen blood pour out of me, small, barely visible babies land in watery graves. In not one of those moments have I been grateful. + But every single time a woman finds me a trustworthy advocate and friend in the afterbirth of her loss—and sometimes amid it—I find a strange otherworldly gratefulness that because of my story, she is not alone. +

Just in case you think the only thing about your heart is it's desperately wicked and can't be trusted, here's what else the Bible says about the heart's capacity,

"Fill my heart with joy"
"My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart."
"My heart rejoices." "How long must I have sorrow in my heart?"
"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart"
"The one who speaks the truth from their heart."
"May this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight."
"The desire of your heart."
"The one who has clean hands & pure heart."

Morning after thoughts on Jesus and John Wayne: While reading there was a consistent thought in me that many seemingly faithful believers would read this history of Evangelicalism over the past 100 years and think, "Looks like what we're doing is working. True Love Waits meant less sex outside marriage meaning stronger marriages. Quiverfull theology helped make more babies. Our discipline methods make those babies more disciplined. Homeschoolers are at the top of their classes in college,

Just finished reading Jesus and John Wayne which was like drinking from a fire hose and drowning too. Also a sucker punch to the gut. We have a lot of work to do, brothers and sisters.

@kkdumez I don’t know if I’ve ever said this publicly, but about six years ago I noticed in myself and the circles in which I ran, some of the themes Du Mez highlights as problematic—and their obvious paths to destruction.

After an hour of convo and asking the Qs below, this is the question I asked last to one of my best friends yesterday, "If limiting your liberty for 6 mths—until most vulnerable/front liners can receive vax— will help prevent 1000s more deaths, why aren't you willing to do that?" The answers I hear from many who share her views are some forms of "They're coming for us! All our liberties! This is just the start! The vax will be mandatory! The sky is falling!" followed by, "I'm not going to live in fear like those who give into peer pressure & wear a mask!"

I think I understand what it feels like to think you’re 100% right about most things, but I have felt 100% right about only three things in my life. Perhaps this is an Enneagram 9 thing, but I never make a decision without 8-10 other perspectives tapping me on the shoulder. While I understand those who argue a certainty their opponents are wrong, I cannot affirm this as good. While I wish the 8-10 persp. over my shoulder would shut up & give me peace, I must acknowledge it’s not true peace to merely listen to myself or those who think just like me.

Half our country is mourning and half rejoicing. I’m acutely aware of it and aching w/ loss of relationships close to me. Plenty of rhetoric floating around about how the other side is just wrong, but today—if you can—try empathy. Try generosity. Try understanding. Try humility. Maybe some of you are resilient or tough enough to walk away from those who disagree. But I’m just not. I’m too permeable, too tender. And I don’t want to change that quality in myself because I think both strength AND tenderness are important, both resilience and permeability.

I didn't have a social security# until I was 20 (no job, license, or college), my dad was all apocalypse, mark of the beast, prepper with supplies stockpiled and plans for a bunker in the (literal) back 40. I had a go-bag under my bed for when the feds would come take us away. + When I escaped the grip of that panic, I avoided Daniel and Revelation, gave my newly minted SS to anyone who asked, and skirted any conversation about eschatology or survival. But I couldn't escape the ways living like that for 20 years shaped me. +

The idea that there’s one way to be a man or woman, to be found holy or healthy or whole, that to be a Christian is to look or act a certain way, suffocates those who by design or intention deviate. Jesus is a way-maker—he leads the path, all who confess & follow him are on it. Will we sometimes fall? Sometimes sin? Sometimes embrace misguided ideas or practices? Of course. This is why we are not the way-makers. He is.

But we don’t have to get our junk together to say I want in on that path. And we don’t have to flog ourselves to keep on it.

Read your bible today, friends. There's words of eternal life in there, proof that dead men come alive, blind men see, broken women are put back together, and that all will be changed. + If your heart hurts, read John & know God's love.
If you're impatient, read Mark & know God's immediacy.
If you're overwhelmed, read Matthew & know Christ is King.
If you're angry, read an imprecatory Psalm.
If you're neglected, Job.
If you're in a creative slump, Genesis. +

Everyone you meet isn't just fighting a battle, as the old trope says. I say in HWC that we all have issues of blood in need of healing. Systemic issues in our bloodlines, traumas we've endured, insight into peculiar sufferings we've walked through. So, yes, everyone is fighting a battle, but also we have insight into our specifics no one else does just like us. Which means two things:

Two of God's best gifts to me have been prolonged singleness and the inability to birth children. These two things keep teaching me I have very little control over "family planning." When those words come out of someone's mouth, I cringe. You can plan, man, but God. But God. Do you understand what a spectacular grace it is from God to marry? Conceive? Carry? Birth? Rear? To make a plan and have it unfold? Can I encourage you to remember Hannah's prayer?

Before he leaves for work every morning, Nate prays for me. I'm usually too groggy to respond more than a grunted form of "Thank you." Sometimes, though, like this morning, he asks me to pray for him. Somehow the words came. Marriage can be difficult for a lot of people. I think part of it is most of us were sold a lie that "sex is the glue holding a marriage together." I disagree. I think it's prayer. Spoken with & over one another, trusting the Spirit for words when we feel empty, groggy, or angry.

There are some anxieties that need medication. But, for most, our anxieties are the membership of the living. Whenever someone comes to me for counsel on the anxieties of mere living, I always ask what their rest practices are. Most times they have none aside from sleep at night. They fill every space available, and fill their kids spaces too, with activity, some even masquerading as restful activity (tech, sports, elaborate "vacations"). Wirzba says, Sabbath rest is not about taking a break. Properly understood, it is about putting an end to the

Long one:

In past few years I've had the sad occasion to be around 15+ pastors who, when rebuked for areas of character growth or direct sin, responded in a few ways: They cried foul, claimed a coup against them, said they felt alone, or they cried, "Persecution!" 1/14 I'm not saying coups don't happen, but what made these situations diff was instead of running toward discipline, they turned & ran to "celebrity" pastors for shelter/defense instead of the elder boards confronting them in humility & the God who could truly handle their sin. 2/14