i was talking to a friend the other day about grocery shopping

i do most of the shopping for my family of eight

i think i'm pretty good at it

these tips might help you

some of these are very basic to level-set

I live in Houston

I do most of my grocery shopping at H-E-B

let's talk about these little guys

🧵

this is popcorn, a foodstuff made by heating dried corn kernels until they burst

by popular demand (ok, it's just @zettaohm)

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is ice

it's the solid state of water

Bateman's card is actually kinda shitty

let's take a look 1. it's off center

due to logistical issues, I have to postpone the razor-blade thread to next week

in the meantime, let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is an Interstate Highway sign

it's part of a system of standardized signage used on Interstate Highways in the United States

i can't sleep

so let's talk about these little guys

🧵 This is a host, sacramental bread or communion bread

it becomes the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ when a priest utters the words of institution during the Mass

but this thread will be about the unconsecrated bread as a physical object

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is a water tower

it's an elevated structure used to supply pressure to a water distribution system

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is Scotch whisky

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 (I know Scotch whisky won the poll, but my boy @stronkdaddy requested this)

Mr. Smith reminds me that I never got back to the can sizing system

I mentioned that the standard Campbell's soup can is a No. 1, also known as a picnic

there's a bunch of sizes, and the numbering is goofy

https://twitter.com/chrylis/status/1819243677484560554

as far as I can tell, the No. 1, 2 and 2 1/2, 10, etc. were just arbitrary

but there a method to the 3xx madness

let's talk about these little guys

🧵

this is a can

sometimes known as a tin can, or in the Commonwealth as just a tin

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is silica gel

do not eat

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is a 9x19mm Parabellum cartridge

it's the world's most popular pistol round

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is a ketchup packet

this one in particular holds 9 grams of Heinz Tomato Ketchup, the best-selling such condiment in the United States

(more on that later)

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is a Zippo lighter

you can hear this gif

This is an @osborneja story

let's take a look

1/

https://twitter.com/HoustonChron/status/1808319830346420298

"The court also ruled last week that the the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission"

delete either instance of "the" and send it to @marissaluck7 so she'll stop writing like a 50s movie Indian talks

2/

by popular demand

let's talk about these little guys

🧵

https://twitter.com/mattbramanti/status/1789533888366170389

this is a cigarette

666 (really, that's the number) of them were produced for every man, woman and child on this planet last year

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is a smoke detector

while its primary function is to provide very slow background music for urban TikToks, it can also be used to alert residents to household fires

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is a paper clip

in French, it's called a "trombone" for its resemblance to the wind instrument

let's talk about this little guy - an explosive bolt

i've always found these fascinating

🧵 they're also called pyrotechnic fasteners

it works more of less like an ordinary bolt - screw it in and it holds two things together

but it has a tiny explosive charge within that can be detonated on command, cleanly breaking the bolt at its scored weak points

let's talk about these little guys

🧵 this is a retroreflective raised pavement marker

you've seen a million of them

there's a lot more to them than you might think