Former progressive conservative specializing in delivering satirical irony through interpretive dance since June 2018. If anyone orders Merlot I'm leaving.
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Jul 1, 2023 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
Canada. Not just ketchup chips and hockey stars:
1. Insulin: Developed by Sir Frederick Banting and Charles Best, it revolutionized the treatment of diabetes.
2. Canadarm: The iconic robotic arm used in the Space Shuttle program, enabling vital operations in space.
3. IMAX: The immersive cinematic experience that transports audiences with larger-than-life visuals and sound.
4. Electric Wheelchair: Invented by George Klein, power wheelchairs provide increased mobility for individuals with disabilities.
Mar 6, 2022 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Ontario Health Minister/Dep. Premair says she's leaving politics. The 18th MPP to leave his team; Doug Ford blames Kathleen Wynne. 2. Asked what he thinks about Putin and Ukraine, Doug Ford says he doesn't watch much European hockey.
3. Ontario's fiscal watchdog reports Ford government held back $5.5B of federal support money. Doug Ford defends lack of spending during a pandemic, says new highway being built through the Greenbelt will improve people's lives more than saving people's lives ever would have.
Feb 20, 2022 • 18 tweets • 4 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Doug Ford says "Ontario is done with Covid!" Announces Ontario closing Covid on March 1st. Ford goes on to say he's also had it with the Greenbelt. 2. Doug Ford helps clear occupiers out of downtown Ottawa by offering free fishing.
3. Jason Kenney says Alberta has no need for federal Emergencies Act measures, argues his government can do nothing at all without federal support. 4. Jason Kenney reads "politicking" as "potlicking." Paging Dr. Slip. Paging Dr. Freudian Slip.
Feb 13, 2022 • 18 tweets • 4 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Province of Ontario unveils its new tourism campaign: "Stay in Ottawa one night, get the next month's nights free." 2. Doug Ford declares State of Emergency, empowering Ottawa Police to now stop serving coffee and help with moving fuel.
3. Interim CPC Leader Candice Bergen says Trudeau must work with occupiers to negotiate an end to the siege the CPC helped provoke. 4. Doug Ford takes break from snowmobiling long enough to ensure Windsor's Ambassador Bridge is open for ten minutes.
Feb 6, 2022 • 14 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Ottawa Police Chief says there may not be a policing solution to policing people. Hires PR firm to stop himself from saying stuff like that anymore. 2. CPC caucus decides party members should not be free to decide who should be leader.
3. Gofundme suspends campaign for groups occupying downtown Ottawa. Florida Governor questions gofundme's meddling in Canadian freedom. 4. Area lawyer launches class action law suit against Ottawa occupiers. Convoy spokesperson Dale says they will honk their horns at court order.
Jan 30, 2022 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter yesterday:
1. Trudeau took down April's blogs and turned off her Facebook and April's not having it. 2. Sometimes it's hard to focus on all the protesting and fighting for the freedoms when there's beers and dogs being served the next tailgate over.
3. Masks are an affront to our freedom but pooing anywhere you want is a Constitutional right. 4. If you can afford to drive across the country for some sightseeing and a party, maybe pack enough food that you don't need to steal food from Homeless People in the middle of winter?
Jan 23, 2022 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Doug Ford proves he's regular people by driving around in a snow storm calling radio stations to tell them he's driving around in a snow storm. 2. Toronto Sun declares Doug Ford 'Hero of 2022' for standing for a photo near a stuck car.
3. Ontario's CMOH Kieran Moore insists regional health authority stop exceeding provincial safety guidelines for schools because that's just being sassy. 4. Ontario's Minister of Education tweets grammatically incorrect tweet about the importance of the foundations of literacy.
Jan 16, 2022 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Doug Ford confirms schools will reopen for in-person classes tomorrow now that Education Minister's been located. 2. Stephen Lecce says Ontario is empowering parents by not distracting them with data and burdening them with information.
3. After federal government announces it aims to end subsidies to Oil and Gas companies by 2024, Erin O'Toole says Trudeau cancelling oil and gas for all Canadians and also Christmas. 4. Jordan Peterson and Pierre Poilievre give one another deep-tissue back massages on Twitter.
Jan 9, 2022 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. After being warned by science and medical experts in mid December about inevitable Omicron variant, Doug Ford springs into action after his Christmas vacation is finished. 2. Ontario's MoE vanishes while delivering muffins on Dec 23rd.
3. Doug Ford says it was easy for him to make a decisive decision in 30 seconds after 3 weeks of doing nothing, a 6 hour cabinet meeting and hundreds of phone calls over the weekend from employers. 4. Speeding bus heads toward Ford government. Doug nudges Kieran Moore off curb.
Jan 2, 2022 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Just a couple or three things I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Doug Ford's government is the government that says yes to not attending their own emergency press conferences. 2. Ontario delays start of school two days in January to deliver HEPA filters delivered last August.
3. Ontario's CMOH says province to stop proactive testing due to capacity limitations. Says testing all 14M people in Ontario about as realistic as pretending all 14M people asked to be tested. 4. Ontario workers scramble to organize child care for two days. Expensive childcare.
Dec 19, 2021 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. In an effort to combat the highly transmissible Omicron variant the Ford government offers dozens of free rapid tests to thousands of people lining up closely together indoors. 2. Ontario's CMOH says COVID may be in the air. Perhaps.
3. Doug Ford asks for volunteers to staff vaccination clinics. Says province can't pay clinic healthcare workers because the corrupt former Liberal government forced him to introduce Bill 124. 4. Sam Oosterhoff moves family Christmas gathering from local restaurant to church.
Dec 12, 2021 • 14 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Doug Ford announces this week the pandemic will not be closing Jan 17th as originally scheduled. 2. Ford government responds to lightning-fast spread of new variant by rolling out 3rd doses after all the terrific Boxing Day sales over.
3. After a massive public outcry, on Monday Doug Ford insists he's distributed all 33M rapid tests provided by the Feds. 4. In unrelated news, rapid tests begin flooding into public schools four days after Doug Ford says tests already handed out. Doug then drops gifts at charity.
Dec 5, 2021 • 14 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Ontario's Solicitor General reports Ford government gave $250M to ineligible businesses and will not pursue repayment. Doug Ford responds by saying more new highways will improve people's lives. 2. Doug Ford reannounces reannouncement.
3. Solicitor General reports Ford government overpaid businesses $750M in pandemic support. Ford argues he only had a month to hand out all those 20-dollar bills, so mistakes happened. 4. Caroline Mulroney and Stephen Lecce unveil EV chargers they had nothing to do with ever.
Nov 28, 2021 • 14 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. After Feds announce new travel ban Doug Ford cancels plans to jump in his pickup truck and drive to Africa to take matters into his own hands. 2. Kenney says the Feds owe it to Albertans to shut down border to keep Stampede owners safe.
3. Ford government doesn't collect $1B of contract penalties owed to taxpayers by owners of Highway 407. Ford says highways are for helping people have better lives, not for governments to make money off. 4. Doug Ford's daughter, Kijiji, releases new line of anti-vaxxer gym wear.
Nov 14, 2021 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Scott Moe says Saskatchewan to become a nation within a nation and riot gear for the Saskatchewan Police Force will include watermelon helmets. 2. Winnipeg receives huge dump of snow in early November. Oh. Wait. Right. That's not news.
3. Ontario Conservative MPP Gila Martow says province's Optometrists ignored by her own government. Doug Ford says seniors and kids won't need eyecare once Ontario highways don't have gridlock. 4. Doug Ford announces speed limit on future Bradford Bypass will be 250 km/h.
Nov 7, 2021 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Doug Ford announces province will not mandate vaccinations for Ontario healthcare workers because he read on Facebook tens of thowsands will loose there jobs. 2. Doug Ford government says yes to no science-based decisions in Ontario.
3. Stephen Lecce says although Ontario's public education budget looks like it was cut, that doesn't factor in the money being spent on new highways of the future that today's students will use to get to good-paying jobs of tomorrow. 4. Doug Ford went to an ice cream factory.
Oct 31, 2021 • 15 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this spooky week:
1. A year after receiving them from the Feds, Doug Ford drives around in his pickup truck handing out rapid tests to public schools. 2. Monte McNaughton dresses up for Halloween as Construction Worker guy from The Village People.
3. Doug Ford says at presser he totally understands if parents don't want to get their 5 and 6 year-olds vaccinated but they should get them vaccinated but if they don't that's okay but everyone should definitely get vaccinated or not because nothing's more important, folks.
Oct 24, 2021 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Doug Ford government finally gives anti-vaxxers an ultimatum - either get vaccinated by January 17th or don't worry about it. 2. Doug Ford announces he will drive around in his pickup truck on March 28th and personally collect all Covid
3. Kenney government releases $3.5M provincial inquiry into 'anti-Alberta' activities. Allan Report confirms environmentalists do try to protect the environment. 4. Sonya Savage says no illegal activities by environmental groups uncovered but they did hurt Alberta's feelings.
Oct 17, 2021 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. After quietly allowing large sports venues to open without capacity restrictions while ignoring restaurants and gyms Doug Ford announces candlelight vigil for his broken heart. 2. Stephen Lecce builds 2700 new Ontario schools this week.
3. Doug Ford encourages Ontarians to contribute to local food banks because he is the Premier who says yes to poverty. 4. Doug Ford changes election campaign focus from 2018's cheap beer to building unhelpful highway. 5. Doug Ford attends Question Period for 10 minutes 24-7.
Sep 26, 2021 • 14 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Canadians elect another Liberal minority government and Erin O'Toole congratulates himself for Taking Back Second Place. 2. Jagmeet Singh and the NDP spend $25M to gain one new seat and Influencer status on TikTok.
3. Jason Kenney waits until election is decided before asking for urgent COVID medical support from the federal government. UCP's Ric McIver says he waited until the day after the election because he didn't want to distract Prime Minister *McIver check notes and sighs* Trudeau.
Sep 19, 2021 • 12 tweets • 3 min read
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:
1. Erin O'Toole says he will "Secure accountability" and "Secure transparency" but won't say how. 2. Jason Kenney apologizes for being an incredible leader who tried to cheer people up. 3. Alberta unveils new ICU patient equalization plan.
4. In his first public appearance outside his campaign studio, Erin O'Toole answers the same question incorrectly 14 times in a row. 5. Deena Hinshaw says her decision to end Alberta's health measures in July driven by Albertans' need to air out their truck nutz and eat pancakes.