Oliver Willis Profile picture
Senior Writer @AmerIndependent. Prev @mmfa. Subscribe to https://t.co/mJMG4RqbZB
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Jun 26, 2023 8 tweets 2 min read
these guys give the best fiction writing prompts. im serious. right wing conspiracies are the best.

"Teddy Roosevelt's mouth opened wide, bits of stone tumbling down the mountain, and through it emerged the Archangel of Leftism..." Barack Obama pulled off his backpack at the base of Mount Rushmore. He reached in and pulled out the vial.
"Here, the blood of our enemies."
"All white, I presume," Michelle Obama noted with an air of blackery.
"As always."
Obama buried the blood and recited the Negro Anthem.
Jun 23, 2023 4 tweets 1 min read
Just indulge the whole right wing conspiracy crowd cause they’ll never stop.

The laptop with the decrypted Hunter Biden payoff video was on the sub, so were Trump’s stolen votes and Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate. Biden let it sink so it wouldn’t all come out. Duh. The delay in reporting the sub implosion was so that the deep state clean teams could scrub all the incriminating evidence before the public found out. Biden has a bunch of ICBMs lined up on the White House lawn to take out future subs. No lie.
Jun 23, 2023 4 tweets 1 min read
The Orcas Have Done Nothing Wrong. #tohdnw Do your own research and don’t buy the mainstream media’s anti-orca bias. #tohdnw
Jun 22, 2023 4 tweets 2 min read
someone come form a libsploitation studio with me, where we make over the top movies with lib themes.

the first film will be about Woke, the sultry black assassin who takes down racist SOBs

the next film can be a scifi flick about Antifa Supersoldiers

and so on. "Woke we need you to take down a new terrorist organization. They call themselves Gangsters On Patrol."

"That is one bad outfit. But I can dig it."

*soul singers*
"WOKE!"
Jun 22, 2023 4 tweets 1 min read
hack noah doesnt understand that the supreme court isnt supposed to be corrupt so he thinks its fighting back to write dishonest opeds in the wsj defending scotus corruption, grrr grrrr "conservatives are fighting back by lying yet again instead of not being corrupt, im @NoahCRothman"
Jun 22, 2023 5 tweets 1 min read
thats because all of conservatism is always bullshit and always has been. its not based on *anything* but dumb vibes and the desire to hurt people. there's nothing actually there.

(and journalists generally refuse to operate this way and democrats fear saying so) look, maybe its cause im just a simple guy and i think politics is no more complicated than a hammer hitting a nail, but the simple matter is no conservative approaches to anything make any sense. it never works. on any issue. so why keep pretending like they have something?
Jun 22, 2023 4 tweets 2 min read
god is real.

Senator Rick Scott Has Been Weighing a Presidential Run nytimes.com/2023/06/22/us/… joe biden, hearing rick scott wants to run for president:
Jun 22, 2023 4 tweets 1 min read
YES. The point of being a majority is to get shit done and make it clear to the public why the other guys are too fucking dangerous to be in power. If that means *swoon* “theatrics” to help make it clear Kevin McCarthy shouldn’t be Speaker then yes goddamit do theatrics. If the choice is doing OH NOES “theatrics” and that helps to stop Jim fucking Jordan from being the mother loving CHAIR of the fucking House Judiciary Committee, then yes, FULL ON THEATER. Holy shit how is this hard?
Jun 22, 2023 4 tweets 1 min read
It’s 2023 why are we still doing this shit? “Republicans are panicking! Trump is immediately going to jail! Witnesses are flipping!”

No, Republicans are talking impeachment of Biden because they’re vindictive weirdos in a cult. Same reason they impeached Clinton and wanted Obama Trying to explain republicanism like it’s rational is like sitting down with a Scientologist and debunking xenu and auditing. Fundamentally these are people who think aliens threw souls into a fucking volcano. They aren’t rational actors.
Jun 21, 2023 6 tweets 1 min read
Then there are those of us who go by our middle names and are not wild about our real first names (I am so not a Lloyd) I have one doctor where they have me as Lloyd and when I first started going I wasn’t in the mood to correct them, so when I visit I’m basically going undercover as “Lloyd.”
Jun 21, 2023 5 tweets 2 min read
just for the record: harris faulkner for years worked in the same building as roger ailes and bill oreilly, who serially harassed women, forced them into disgusting sexual situations, and abused their power. they were not transgender. and kayleigh mcenany worked with donald trump, who has acknowledged sexually assaulting multiple women. he is not transgender.
Jun 21, 2023 11 tweets 3 min read
musks. you ever see a musk? they dont act right. aint like normal people. musks are out there taking jobs, ruining people's way of life. its just a scientific fact that musks arent as smart as everyone else. and they smell funny. i wouldn't trust a musk around my children and they kill old people.
Jun 9, 2023 6 tweets 2 min read
oh well im glad the college professor is ON IT🧐 unlike so many others, the whole third party thing doesnt really worry me too much in this cycle. maybe folly, but i just dont think it will tip the scales, especially not with extremely clownish candidates like west.
Jun 9, 2023 6 tweets 2 min read
the democratic party that lives in the imagination of republicans sounds so much cooler and badass than the democratic party we have "Destroy him, I don't care what it takes," Biden said, going nose to nose with Merrick Garland.

"But we don't have evidence, sir."

"Fuck the evidence! Get the teams to make some shit up, I'm looking at the polling and I WANT HIM WHACKED"

Garland's hands trembled.
Jun 9, 2023 4 tweets 1 min read
Looking at the Trump and Fox meltdowns feels like looking at porn. OnlyFans for raw uncensored Fox News indictment meltdown footage
Jun 9, 2023 5 tweets 1 min read
As you all know the latest developments mean we have entered yet another phase of The Plan. As we noted during last week’s SorosNet Zoom we are at Condition Epsilon. Make sure to offer your ritual sacrifice to the Demon Lord and use the taupe instruction sheet. Meg in HR is asking everyone on the Trump Fake Evidence Planting Task Force to submit your expense reports by end of day. Remember your SorosPoints for the company store expire at the end of Pride month. Please do not leak details of The Plan.
Jun 8, 2023 4 tweets 2 min read
mike pence's inner monologue, every day of his life: "just act like you're normal just act like you're normal just act like you're normal just act like you're normal just act like you're normal just act like you're normal just act like you're normal just act like you're normal" "one of your finest tomato cheese breads please human" - mike pence at the pizza joint
Jun 8, 2023 5 tweets 2 min read
lons thread makes me think about marty mcfly's business meeting in 2015 where he turns his digital painting into a teleconference then gets fired (w a racist asian accent cameo) and to emphasize it also receives (so cute) a fax ImageImageImageImage i always think about how this 1989 vision of the future thought you'd need a fax machine in the bathroom, but also people in real 2023 do business communications in the bathroom on their phones
Jun 8, 2023 4 tweets 1 min read
think it says something that to so many too-online conservatives, the bad guy quarterback from all those teenage comedies in the 80s and 90s is supposedly the ideal. its like they watched revenge of the nerds and their takeaway was that the woke nerds tormented this poor guy and he was the hero all along Image
Jun 8, 2023 5 tweets 1 min read
the thing i like about aoc is that she triggers all the right people but its not just with provocative statements, but its provocation connected to real policy. we love to see it. democrats and progressives must learn to insert themselves into the news cycle. something in the news? jump on it. its often the only way normies who aren't addicted to politics will see it.
Jun 8, 2023 4 tweets 2 min read
This kind of stuff from @SarahLongwell25 is just rewriting history. Trump trained the GOP to be about grievance? George W Bush said the left was coddling Al Qaeda and forcing gay marriage on the country. McCain/Romney said Obama was going to sell us out to the Middle East. “Trump is the one who taught Republicans to be obsessed with grievance.”

2004 GOP convention: Image