he/him | “sad, and a little bit beautiful” | making music in san diego
Sep 11, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
i’ve spent a lot of time with my kids this week
much of it has been rough
there’s a lot of yelling and screaming
a lot of pointless disagreement
among these are glimpses of contagious joy
a little boy howling in laughter at a penguin who follows his hand
a little girl sitting in my lap and singing about mermaids
snuggling between them at night as they ask for the story of how the little boy was born
Sep 4, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
i messed up yesterday
a friend brought up coming of age rituals at lunch
they have positive feelings towards their experiences
i have negative feelings towards mine
i unloaded four breathless minutes expositing my concerns with these types of things
until they stopped me, and pointed out that my vision of these rituals doesn't map onto theirs at all
in a straightforward review, i should have started with questions, and i shouldn't have spoken for that long
but there was something particular that i was not proud of
Aug 28, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
acknowledging problems is hard
we can only fix problems if we can identify them first
i've been surprised though, that sometimes it's easy to identify a problem, and simply hard to admit it's there
when things are bad, it's easier to deflect
when things hurt, it's easier to hope they'll go away
when things just seem a little bit off, it's easier to try to look at things from a different angle
Aug 21, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
the good life is hard
good work is hard, and deeply satisfying
good art requires transference of the soul, and changes lives
good relationships take effort, and are the meaning of life
i was told that life is hard, but not clearly enough that the good life is hard
it seems so clearly naïve to me now, but i spent much of my life thinking the good life was easy
i think the mixup of these ideas has gotten me into a lot of internal trouble over the years
Aug 14, 2019 • 6 tweets • 1 min read
i had dinner with a close friend last week
i'm an open book in this relationship. i've processed through feelings there i haven't processed anywhere else
we spend time together regularly, but not often
4-5 hours every 3 months, like clockwork
many of our conversations over the last year have been somber—snapshots of my descent into a powerful depression and general feeling of being lost
last week was hopeful
Aug 7, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
A UNIFIED THEORY OF BUSYNESS
a twitter thread
everything i'm about to tell you is based on a conversation where a coworker told me about a good family vacation
they said they left at a time when they felt like maybe they could have stayed one more night
but they've learned that that's exactly the right moment to leave
Aug 1, 2019 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
i spent some time with a friend who i haven't seen in 9 months
she asked how i was doing
i said i'm trying, and it was the most i could say at the time
yesterday i went to a salon and had an earnest conversation about how to care for my hair
for years, i've been avoiding my hair and only looking in the mirror when absolutely necessary
Jul 24, 2019 • 9 tweets • 1 min read
VIRTUOUS FAILURE
a twitter thread
mentors have told me
parents have told me
even michael caine told me
we learn from our failures
Jul 17, 2019 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
RETRIBUTION
a twitter thread
there are two types of hurts
the kind where retribution is straightforward, and the kind where retribution is effectively impossible
Jul 10, 2019 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
ANCHORS
a twitter thread
on monday morning i went to the psychiatrist again
the person at the front desk handed me that — now familiar — ipad
each visit, they do the same checkup, seeing how i'm doing
reactions, equal and opposite, are woven into the fabric of our universe
to embrace tension it is to embrace life itself
Jun 26, 2019 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
MY CABIN OPUS
a twitter thread
there is a story about bon iver's first album, "For Emma, Forever Ago"
in the midst of heartbreak and frustration, justin vernon stole away into the wilderness for an extended period of isolation
he returned, having recorded an album that would become an instant classic
Jun 19, 2019 • 11 tweets • 2 min read
STARING INTO THE MIDDLE DISTANCE
a twitter thread
when we're told how to live, it mostly comes packaged as high level directives
we hear things like: be kind. think of others before yourself. tell the truth
they're good. but they're so far away. they're cosmic
Jun 12, 2019 • 15 tweets • 3 min read
most weeks i try to write with a point
this week i'll just tell you a story
i was diagnosed with depression last week
thursday morning i went to the psychiatry department for my appointment
they handed me an ipad to fill out an intake form
depression is diagnosable when you experience five out of nine symptoms for at least two weeks
Jun 5, 2019 • 11 tweets • 2 min read
FIVE FOR FIGHTING
a twitter thread
i celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary two months ago
i celebrated it with my wife
she is my family
she is my future
she is my world
May 29, 2019 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
A REMEDY FOR SADNESS
a twitter thread
four months ago at a dinner party a friend asked me about my two earliest memories
without prior contemplation, i immediately answered:
1. the death of my three month old brother 2. a birthday host explaining that he didn't want me at his party
May 22, 2019 • 14 tweets • 3 min read
ACCOUNTABILITY IS MY TRIGGER WORD
a twitter thread
i started crying again last week
it's been 4 years since i last cried
but i've cried twice in the last 7 days
last night it was about accountability, because no single misappropriated concept has hurt me more
May 15, 2019 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
i've always been reticent to agree to creative schedules
i've always been scared to open up about my goals
i like to think i'll accomplish things on my own
but i need that encouragement and reinforcement
i've always felt that if i could just crack it once, if i could just finish one big project, i could become the kind of person who finishes things on my own
May 8, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
everything in transit
relationships, like all things, are constantly in motion
constantly in motion, closer together or further apart
we'll never evolve past fight or flight
fighting is such a beautiful thing
at its most basic: two people, grappling together, closer than they've ever been
it isn't easy, but at least it's clear what direction they're moving
Apr 24, 2019 • 11 tweets • 2 min read
This is one of the most important things I’ve ever seen on the internet ncase.me/crowds/
I grew up in a debate heavy culture. Lots of arguments about religious/theological minutiae. It gave me a continuous feeling that I was aware of multiple perspectives on the world and was therefore capable of making wise decisions
Apr 17, 2019 • 13 tweets • 2 min read
RIGHT WITH THE UNIVERSE, WRONG WITH YOU
a twitter thread
I was recently captivated by a twitter thread about parking in Koreatown
