sometimes when my boyfriend is slow to respond to a text i think ‘well, this is it...he’s ghosting me. he’s never going to reply. had a nice run while it lasted’
i told him about this and he was extremely bemused at this premise. ‘Why would I do that?’
Oct 15, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
I saw this thirsty comment from a dude to a model "if you would ever give me a shot, I'd leave my wife"
the wife isn't hypothetical. his avi was a picture of him with her
extremely depressing shit, man
Sep 28, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
i was talking to my best friend about red flags in online dating
and she came up with a very good one - be wary of anyone who acts like they're misunderstood
"sarcastic asshole with heart of gold" would be the classic one
anyone who projects a "woe is me, the world just doesn't get me, i'm not who i seem" image
Aug 25, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
every straight boy's IG grid:
-2 poorly-lit photos of fast food in another city with the caption "Austin you were so good to the boy"
-1 photo of the skyline with a single emoji 💥
-5 photos of streets. no humans visible
-1 photo of them with someone else's dog
if they have a girlfriend of 11 years, there will be a single photograph of her, taken from a bad angle. buried deep in the grid
with the caption "this one is the best for tolerating me. thanks Laur"
Aug 10, 2019 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
writing a dating article and thinking of all the good dating advice i could give to men if they had any finesse
i wish there was like a rollercoaster thingy "you must be THIS tall to ride"
you must have THIS much finesse to follow this tip
Aug 9, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
"I’m positive that many of the ways I continue to be “sexy” are heavily influenced by misogyny. But it feels good to me, and it’s my damn choice, right?" harpersbazaar.com/culture/featur…
SMH @ this essay. oh boy
i would be very interested in an essay from Emily Ratajkowski on how her being a sex symbol has affected her life! esp around that Blurred Lines video
but this....is not it. this is not it at all
Aug 8, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
i know real sentiment is embarrassing and scary
but my darlings, PLS stop captioning ur IG couple pics with the coy "Grand Canyon with this one, i guess he's not so bad"
as for men who post about their girlfriends "thanks to this one for putting up with me"...you ARE the weakest link and WILL be culled come the revolution
Jul 25, 2019 • 9 tweets • 1 min read
everytime i click on an e-girl's photo, i see a ton of dudes in the comments
'hi, i'm not rich or famous like the guys you probably date, but i'm a down-to-earth, regular dude who would treat u like a princess 😊 coffee sometime?"
gentlemen. what is this strategy exactly
first of all. OBVIOUSLY UR not rich or famous. lol ur shooting ur shot in IG comments sir. this is some real broke shit
Jul 18, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
omg this reminds me of TWO separate dudes who i was going to hook up with- before they blew it by having no chill
i was texting with one of the dudes to come over...
but he was SO thirsty and unrestrained i canceled just hours before. imagine blowing something that badly
Jul 16, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
if you ask any popular e-girl, there are loads of messages in their inbox from certain men
these men are having a one-way conversation! they've got the idea they have "something special" with these women, despite not getting a reply for weeks, months, years
some sources say that the man who killed Bianca Devins was her boyfriend. others say he was her stalker
i have a feeling that the latter is closer to the truth. i think he imagined a relationship that was not there - and murdered her over his frustration at it
Jul 11, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
if ur a short dude who has no luck w/ online dating, try the following:
a) stop being angry about ur height. chill out. girls can sense anger
b) put ur actual height in the bio. don't lie
c) take all the self-deprecating lines about ur height out the bio. this is KEY
this is the energy you should be channeling
Jul 11, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
you shouldn't be relying on your partner for all your emotional support needs. that's gonna strain the relationship enormously, dude
dude: i'm poly, i'm just not looking for anything serious right now
me: ...those are two different things? which is it? are you poly or are you just casually dating?
dude: no i'm poly because i don't want to be tied down to 1 woman
me: so you want to be 'tied down' to 3?
dude: no no i wouldn't be tied down at all that's the point
me: but you would have to be emotionally present for multiple women. like, you'd have to be a good boyfriend to MORE than one woman if you have poly relationships
dude: i don't want to be a bf
me: then ur not poly
Jun 6, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
it's fine to not know what you want but my experience is that men invariably muddy the waters
if you're banging someone, and you don't know what you want, don't start acting like you're dating them! don't play hot and cold it fucks w/ people's heads
i can't tell what the most cursed part is,,,his 'unwell' emoji?
straight men have a v strange relationship with physical sickness
May 12, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
happy mother's day to all the straight women with boyfriends (◡ ‿ ◡ ✿) make sure he gets u a card for looking after his overgrown baby self
"awwwh, my boyfriend is just SO BAD at taking care of himself!!! if i didn't tell him when to eat or to bathe he would just DIEEEEE hahah :)"
ladies why are we standing in the way of natural selection like this? is this what Darwin would have wanted?
LET. THEM. DIE.
May 11, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
i watched a terrible (but fun) remake of What Women Want
called What Men Want
and the premise just doesn't work!!!! as if we r wondering what men want!! ah yes, men...,,so unknowable 😜🙄
nobody:
no-one:
NOT A SINGLE DAMN SOUL:
straight yt man in his 30s: the problem with MEN today is that we no longer feel a sense of power. we have become emotionally dead because we no longer feel NEEDED. hence i must fuck my new office intern on the fax machine or die
Apr 30, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
the same as most women are called on to do - which is to be a loving, strong figure for the people in your life
a good father if you have children
a supportive partner, a loyal friend
a responsible man who makes amends when he hurts people and who doesn't run away from burdens
whenever i see people talk about "it's so hard to be a traditional M man" i'm always like - look, nobody wants that!
being a silent, stoic provider who finds it easier to access anger than softness - is this traditional masculinity? KEEP IT
Apr 30, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
female influencers: "i know u guys are used to seeing bikini pics but the truth is i often struggle with intense depression and body dysmorphia"
men online : 😍aw 😜you look so sexii😛 live ur truth🤗i wish i were there😤😤would definitely lick u all over till u smiled🤩😏😏🤠
internet crushes necessarily flatten out the subject but there is something so disheartening about the way straight men have internet crushes
it's like yall literally cannot conceive of that hot woman u like as a PERSON
Apr 30, 2019 • 6 tweets • 1 min read
speaking of birth control - here's an article i wrote recently on how to handle pregnancy scares askmen.com/dating/single_…
lol the last line of the article is "be a man about it" and i honestly can't remember if that was edited but i STAND BY IT
