I get that Tom Cruise "cuss everybody out" approach but it'll never hit as hard as quietly replacing folks mid-day. I was on a shoot & they pulled an "Aunt Viv". We came back from lunch & it was new dude holding the boom mic. producers smiling like he'd been there the whole time The hardest working crew member is the one that's replacing somebody that got fired in the middle of the day. Them MFs be FOCUSED. They run around set doing shit that ain't even got nothing to do with them. Lights, checking camera lenses, cooking food, standing in for the actors

WEAK ASS MEN CHOOSING HEALTH & FAMILY OVER AMUSING STRANGERS BY CATCHING A BALL?! SO WHAT YOU PLAY IN A LEAGUE WITHOUT GUARANTEED CONTRACTS THAT'LL CAST YOU ASIDE IN A HEARTBEAT!
THE GAME DONT *cough* NEED YOU! WE *cough* GOT OTHER *cough* PLAYERS READY TO *cough* STEP UP!

https://twitter.com/DeionSanders/status/1291872315471470594

CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE NYGGAS (MANY OF WHOME AREN'T ON GUARANTEED CONTRACTS) ARE SCARED OF A DISEASE THAT WE REALLY DONT KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT? BACK IN MY DAY YOU HAD TO READY TO CATCH AIDS ON THE FIELD TO WIN THAT TROPHY! EITHER YOU WANT IT OR YOU DONT!!

If Walmart is makes wearing a mask mandatory them greeters getting swung on. They ain't sing up for this. Time to hire out of work nightclub bouncers. They been waiting for this moment.

https://twitter.com/USATODAY/status/1283412697011359745

Club bouncers get hired KNOWING they might have to choke someone out. Nothing makes a bouncer happier than choking the shit out of a stranger. Walmart is the PERFECT place for them to land to enforce the mask policy. And they got conceal carry permits too. so its a fair fight

In my first off-campus apt, my roommate and I tried to steal cable from our neighbor so we could watch football. He caught us, then took us to Radio Shack to get the right splitters and coaxial cables. Mentor the youth. This same neighbor had also just gotten out of jail from doing 8 yrs for cocaine trafficking. the landlord of our duplexes hired him as the maintenance man for all the duplexes on the street. Because we had his free cable, he welcomed himself in our crib all the time.

For Father’s Day, I’d like to tell the story about the worst line-up a barber ever gave me. To understand how it happened, you have to 1st understand the respect people in Birmingham had for my father. Thread... my father’s resume in civil rights journalism is very unsung. Alabama State University posthumously honored him for his contrubutions to the campus over the years. This snippet from their tribute video summates a lot.

Lawyers offering pro bono services for arrested protestors. Minneapolis, Houston, New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles. I know there are far more doing the same thing in other cities please add them to this thread Midwest pro bonos checking in. Chicago, Indy, Louisville. More Houston too

Fellow stand-ups, Use judgement the coming weeks We're all in diff situations. (City Comics vs Road). Communicate w/ other comics in similar situations. Get ya chicken in order. Money is important. just make sure to not let a show get you in a situation ya healthcare can't solve Even after this pandemic passes (hopefully) the affects of it on our industry will be long lasting. Skinny up ya spending habits. Following the larger venues, Comedy Clubs are now cancelling shows.

At 17, I worked 35 hrs a wk (violating child labor laws) to have what I thought would be a prom night that ended with (hopefully) at least a kiss. Instead, I ended up alone in a hotel room eating leftover Red Lobster, watching The Richard Bey Show. a brief #PromChallenege Thread

https://twitter.com/MichelleObama/status/1229790208834572294

I was determined to pay for prom myself. My father died 6 months earlier & I could see the stress my mother was carrying as we became a single income home.

I didn't need much.

A Tux, dinner for two at Red Lobster, condoms & a room at the Rime Gardens Inn & Suites.

One night in college I unknowingly dropped my crush off for her dck appointment. A brief thread in C minor

As a freshman in college, i had a car. (raggedy car) but still a car. A freshman on campus w/ a car gets you attention. I had a crush on a girl in my english class...

https://twitter.com/Menace2Anxiety_/status/1210084040117755904

Group work was assigned and because she was in my group we all had to exchange numbers. One night out the blue, she called and asked for a ride to the grocery store. I knew this would be my only chance to impress her so I had to turned on the charm.

With a new dealer infringing on their territory, The CSC (Chicken Sammich Coalition) looks for a way to slow Popeyes' growth; As one member leaves The Coalition, an old foe returns.

'The Coalition' Tuesdays 10/9c on UPN. EP 2: As the CSC (Chicken Sammich Coalition) plots revenge on Popeyes, a traitor emerges; McDonalds visits an old friend.   

‘The Coalition’ Tue 10/9c on UPN

Bone Thugs N Harmony came into the rap game BRAGGING about selling fake drugs. Off that alone they belong in your top 5.
We’ve gone far too long w/o discussing this how hilarious this is
… a thread. For decades in hip-hop Most rappers enter the scene bragging about how much dope they sold.
Master P. called himself the Ice Cream Man
Jeezy was the Snowman
T.I. was the Rubberband Man

If you’re not a performer scroll past this long ass thread

I made the decision this year to work less on new material & instead study the art of performance. Especially performers out side the world of comedy. Music, book readings, Broadway. Even the way boxers walk to the ring The purpose of the exercise is to see the ways other performers present their art to see if there are places where I could push myself or explore more performatively. When to be still, when to explode. When to use all of the stage when to use none.

Huge plot hole for me in the video for ‘Regulate’ by Warren G f/Nate Dogg. As I work harder at being a better writer I now have an unhealthy obsession with plot resolution. As I recall here’s the plot of the ‘Regulate’ video...

1. Warren G is riding around looking for a woman to have sex with
2. Across town, Nate Dogg is doing the same thing.
3. Warren hooks a left on 21st street and sees a dice game happening.
4. Nate Dogg sees some women. While flirting with Nate Dogg, the women crash their car

The amount of joy on black people’s faces in 70s cigarette ads still makes me laugh. These ads do not stand up well The cheating at cards almost as bad as the black eye in old school cig ads. Two men playing tunk. prolly $10/hand $20/Tunk Out. $40 if he catch you. That's high stakes. Dude in the yellow bout to swing on both of them and use this incident to explain "why black women be trippin"

This means nothing to ya'll, but today is the 15 year anniversary of the time myself and another radio DJ accidentally played ‘Candy’ by 8 Ball & MJG on a gospel station for 4 hours straight, no commercials….on a Sunday morning. A thread. #SundayStoryTime For those that don’t know radio, on Sunday mornings there aren’t many jocks in the building. The voices you hear between songs are all pre-recorded breaks. Real Jocks don’t get to the station until 10-11am. The building is empty except for one man.The board operator. aka Board Op

In Houston in 2006, I tried to prank call J. Prince, CEO of Rap-A-Lot Records. We had a conversation that made me not only leave the studio but also the city of Houston. A thread.... Those of you that know my history know I used to do prank calls HEAVY. And in those days comedy and hip-hop were far more symbiotic. As a result, my pranks were getting a lot of love on down south mixtapes. A gang of DJs, Chamillionaire and even a few unauthorized Pimp C projects