Ryan Stephens ๐Ÿฅƒ Profile picture
Husband | Father | Voracious Reader | Strategist | Optimistic Contrarian | Seeking Truth | 1% Better Every Day | Learning | https://t.co/n4dTp9Lm5N | Views Mine
soycowboy Profile picture Gilbert Bagaoisan ๐Ÿค– Profile picture TANE.XO๐Ÿฆ‹ Profile picture 3 added to My Authors
22 Jul
Random list of things I *think* that I think:

(1). You shouldn't go bankrupt because you get cancer.

(2). We don't take good enough care of small businesses in America.

(3). Familial fracture is extremely problematic.
(4). Great CEOs are invaluable and many deserve absurd salaries, but 300x the average worker comp feels like too much.

(5). You have to do the hard work to heal trauma; neglecting or repressing it is a recipe for disaster.
(6). We're well on our way to being the first country in history to be socially destroyed by our own media apparatus.

(7). If you want to understand why someone is doing something, examine the incentives.

(8). All three of the roles in Karpman's drama triangle are toxic. Image
Read 6 tweets
12 Jun
Some of you are taking issue with my recommendation to forget your "passion" and to take the highest paying job.

Allow me to explain why "Follow your passion" is dangerous advice and what you should do instead.

Reason #1: Preexisting passions are rare and have little to do with how most people end up loving their work.

There's a multitude of reasons you may end up liking your career, but "passion" is rarely one of them.

You often become passionate about what you get good at.
If you're part of the 3-5% of 18-25 year olds that *actually* knows what your passion is, and you are making enough to meet the basic needs of you, and your family (if you have one), fine, go ahead, but you're the exception to the rule.
Read 12 tweets
21 Feb
๐‡๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‹๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐š ๐–๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐ž๐ก๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐‹๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž

You need to let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are.

Here are 10 research backed guideposts on the power of Wholehearted livingโ€”a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.
1.) ๐‚๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ = Let Go of What Others Think

People live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that theyโ€™ll be happier.

It actually works is the reverse. Just be who you are!
2.) ๐‚๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐’๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐‚๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐š๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง

Itโ€™s tough to be โ€˜enoughโ€™ when youโ€™re always comparing yourself to everyone elseโ€™s perfect life depicted on Facebook.

You are going to fail, make mistakes & disappoint others. Everyone does.

Healthy striving > Perfectionism
Read 12 tweets
6 Feb

The vast majority of you set goals like: get more fit or earn more money.

Nothing wrong with either of those, but the key to having more time to pursue those goals is saying "no" to things that take up a lot of time.

Here are 13 Things You Should Stop Doing in 2020 ๐Ÿ‘‡
1.) ๐‘๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  - Slow down to go fast. Eliminate unnecessary commitments. Do less. Focus on quality, not quantity. Life is better when its unrushed.
2.) ๐๐ซ๐จ๐œ๐ซ๐š๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ /๐Ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ-๐“๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ค๐ข๐ง๐  - Accept what you do not have control over and then practice being more decisive.

The world rewards people who take action.
Read 15 tweets
23 Dec 19
The 5 Best Books I've Read in the Last 3 Years Are:
โ€ข Atomic Habits
โ€ข Shadow Divers
โ€ข 30 Lessons for Living
โ€ข The Lessons of History
โ€ข When Breathe Becomes Air

And here are some others I really enjoyed...

Non Fiction:
โ€ข Astroball
โ€ข Die Empty
โ€ข Bad Blood
โ€ข Endurance
โ€ข Red Notice
โ€ข Essentialism
โ€ข Can't Hurt Me
โ€ข It Doesn't Haven to be Crazy at Work

Off the Beaten Path:
โ€ข On Dialogue
โ€ข The Quest of a Simple Life

โ€ข A Man Called Ove
โ€ข The Sea of Tranquility
Read 2 tweets
27 Nov 19
Picasso created more than 50,000 works of art.

How many are considered masterpieces that we still admire today?

About a 100.

Less than 1% of his creations are still relevant.

Stop trying to be perfect.

It's a numbers game.

Start creating.

Be courageous enough to share.
If you appreciate insights like these my wife and I started a repository of articles and advice for people who want to get the following aspects of their life DIALED IN:

โ€ข Career
โ€ข Relationships
โ€ข Wealth
โ€ข Wellness

You can subscribe here: eepurl.com/cS_6z5
Read 2 tweets
5 Nov 19
Most people are terrible at salary negotiation.

But what if I told you that a few hours of preparation and an uncomfortable five-minute conversation could dramatically increase your future earnings?

Hereโ€™s a thread chock full of tips to increase your next offer.

First, know that your salary negotiation has an outsized influence on what your compensation is and that compensation is not limited to money.

Also, a $5,000 increase compounds over time.

Over the next 10 years, the value of a $5,000 a year extra salary is close to $100K gross.
You must shift your mindset to embrace negotiation.

Your salary negotiations are probably going to be the most important financial decisions you will ever make.

We socialize most to go into them unprepared, demotivated, & fearful of success.

Rich, successful people negotiate.
Read 19 tweets
13 Sep 19
Society has been a bit harsh on our boys lately.

Lots of boys getting lost and/or ending up in perpetual adolescence.

Which begs the question:

How do you help transform your son into a good man?

My wife and I explored this topic and uncovered 3 critical rules.

The first thing to understand is that boys and girls are different.

I shouldn't have to tell you that.

Second, boys *should* be boys.

Here are 3 things that help transform them into good men:
(1). Establishing Structure
(2). Quality Time
(3). Playing Outside

Let's dive in...
(1.) Establishing Structure

Knowing how and when to discipline your son will make him a better person.

You must balance love and discipline.

Being overly critical, harsh and combative with your son will only make it more difficult for you to communicate with him.
Read 15 tweets
9 Jul 19
๐—™๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ง๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—›๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฝ ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ช๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฎ ๐—•๐—ถ๐—ด ๐—Ÿ๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ฒ ๐——๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป

1.) Leverage Jeff Bezos' Regret Minimization Framework

Project yourself forward to age 80 and ask the following:

"In XX years, will I regret not doing this?"

If yes, do it. If no, don't.
2.) Ask Yourself, โ€œWhatโ€™s the Worst that Could Happen? Can I survive that?"

For most situations, it's "I'd fail, but probably learn something."

Or maybe, "I'd be out some money or have lost some time."

Don't let fear keep you in your comfort zone.

Big players take big risks.
3.) Talk to a Ton of Different People

I like to start with my close friends & family.

Know that it can be tough for this group to be objective.

Seek out other mentors, people in positions you admire, different fields, stages of their lives, etc.

Get a wide variety of opinions
Read 6 tweets
7 Jul 19
๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ช๐—ฎ๐˜†๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฃ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—•๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜

1. Maintain Perspective

You are not your job.

Remember your WHY.

Do the best you can; let go of the rest.

Keep what's most important top of mind.
2. Set Deliberate Goals

Determine your number one priority.

Take at least one step towards achieving it daily.

Align your short term work with your long term goals.

Break big projects into the smallest possible "to-do" to build momentum.
3. Make Time for Self Care

Sleep 7+ hours a night.

Eat healthy, whole foods.

Speak to yourself as you would a good friend.

Take regular mental breaks; just breathe and let your mind wander.
Read 8 tweets
25 May 19
๐—™๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ช๐—ฎ๐˜†๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฅ๐˜‚๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐— ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ

1.) You don't know what you want out of marriage and you don't know how to express it.

Seriously, what does a happy marriage mean to you? To your spouse?

Do you *ever* talk about this? Why not?
2.) You don't put as much effort into the marriage as you did planning the wedding.

Honestly ask yourself, "Am I doing my part?"

It's really easy to say "I love you," when you go to work in the morning and go to sleep at night, but are you demonstrating that with your actions?
3.) You're too busy trying to be right or win arguments

This isn't debate competition.

Shoot for resolution, not your personal satisfaction.

Focus on the current disagreement and don't bring up old wounds.

Picture the person you fell in love and argue with THAT person.
Read 7 tweets
24 May 19
๐—›๐—ฎ๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ, ๐—ก๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ฎ ๐—–๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป

Too many people are "Happy if only..."

"...if only I find the right partner."

"...if only I get wealthy."

"...if only I get 6-pack abs."

Instead, learn to be "Happy in spite of..."
When you start letting outside influences determine how you feel, you're abdicating your personal responsibility.

Research shows that changes in our circumstances only give us a temporary "bump" in our happiness level.

Happiness is created through intentional attitude change.
You can definitely be happy "In spite of..." whatever circumstances life throws at you, but there are things you can think about, actions you can take, and habits you can create to elevate your happiness.

E-mail goes out early next week.

Subscribe here: eepurl.com/cS_6z5
Read 3 tweets
12 Apr 19
Had a consult call last night and I feel this needs to be said again.

If you want to be a freelancer, bootstrapper, or entrepreneur GO GET YOUR FIRST THREE CUSTOMERS.

Your website, your logo, your "brand" ... ... None of that matters yet.



๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป Image
"But I need to show that I know what I'm doing."

Your "presence" is not how you do that.

I don't care if you can make a website or a business card.

I care if you can solve my problem -- or help my company make more money.

Show me solutions and/or case studies of success.
Here's how you get those:

Let's say you're starting a marketing agency.

E-mail 3 companies that suck at marketing.

Tell them you can improve their sales by X% with A,B,C marketing strategies.

Be compelling & convincing. Get them to have a phone call with you.

What next?

Read 5 tweets
17 Mar 19
No, marriage has not historically been my "niche."

And I don't really intend for it to be moving forward.

But, part of being DIALED IN โ€” if you *are married* โ€” is having an *awesome* and sustainable marriage.

As such, here's 8 quick tips to have an DIALED IN marriage.

A good marriage is not always 50/50. Thatโ€™s not realistic.

Sometimes itโ€™s 50/50, sometimes is 80/20, sometimes itโ€™s 40/60 โ€” just depends on the situation.

Itโ€™s easy to love when everything is going well.

Carry the load when your spouse needs you to, preferably w/o them asking.
Donโ€™t keep score.

Just focus on giving more than you get.

If youโ€™re doing that, and asking yourselves, โ€œWhat can I do for him/her?โ€ Instead of, โ€œWhat am I getting out of this?โ€ youโ€™ll be together for a long time.
Read 10 tweets
6 Mar 19
My wife and I have found that focusing more on being teammates and less on being soulmates is a solid recipe for marital success.

Here's quick thread on the 6 rules we try to follow to be a good teammate to each other in our marriage.

1.) No one should ever hear anything bad about your spouse from you.

It's one thing to joke with friends about something trivial and quite another to demean your spouse's character.

Know the difference and always discuss the latter with your spouse and no one else.
2.) Over communicate.

You cannot read each otherโ€™s minds.

Never assume the other person knows what you meant.

Give each other the benefit of the doubt when miscommunications happen.

Double check if necessary.
Read 11 tweets
23 Jan 19
Pultizer Prize-winning historians Will and Ariel Durant spent their entire lives studying and writing about history. Together, theyโ€™ve published more than 50 books.

โ€œThe Lessons of Historyโ€ is a distillation of all of their works and lessons learned in one, short 102-page book.
When you talk about the BEST BOOKS PER PAGE, you HAVE to include "The Lessons of History."

What follows is a thread of some of my favorite takeaways from the book.


Generations of men establish a growing master over the earth, but they are destined to become fossils in its soil.

The influence of geographic factors diminishes as technology grows.

Man, not earth, makes civilization.
Read 29 tweets
19 Dec 18
I asked my wife what made a man attractive.

This is what she said:
โ€ข Physical Appearance
โ€ข Confidence
โ€ข Protection

Let's dive into each.

Keep in mind these are *her* words, not mine.

๐Ÿ‘‡ A quick thread. ๐Ÿ‘‡
1.) Physical Appearance:

For men, this is almost exclusively womenโ€™s looks, but for us ladies, this is usually a more overall โ€˜packageโ€™ of attributes.

There is *one thing* completely in your control that relates to your physical attractiveness: taking care of your appearance.
This reminds me of @WellBuiltStyle's tweet from earlier today (below). Take care of the things you can control.

When you take care of yourself and look your best, youโ€™re more confident.

Which brings us to our next quality.

Read 12 tweets
6 Nov 18
My wife and I worked our asses off this summer to launch a great resource for men: buff.ly/2wcAyhD

And then work got busy.

And then I got sick.

And then we had another child. (Pretty damn cool!)

Since I haven't posted in a bit, here's thread on getting DIALED IN:
By my estimation there's at least FIVE verticals you need to DIAL IN to live a rich life:

โ€ข Career
โ€ข Social/Personal Relationships
โ€ข Finances
โ€ข Physical Health
โ€ข Mental/Emotional Health

Others to consider
โ€ข Community
โ€ข Spirituality

There's probably some overlap.
Let's start with career. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

1.) Do you like what you do each day? (i.e. Are you engaged at work?)
2.) Are you focused on your strengths?
3.) Are you spending time with people you like?
Read 25 tweets
9 Oct 18
Your school offered classes in calculus, chemistry, and goofy electives like โ€œmusic.โ€

But didn't even scratch the surface of personal finance.

It baffles me how terrible (even smart people) are with money.

Let's talk about getting your personal finance "Dialed In"

Aside from the combination of exercise, sleep and nutrition, I can think of few things as important.

What follows are my top 5 tips for getting your personal finances dialed in.
1.) Avoid debt at ALL costs

Let's talk about student loan debt.

The easiest way to avoid student loan debt is to skip college all together.

The average student in the Class of 2016 owes more than $35,000.

You need to understand what schools and what majors have a strong ROI.
Read 24 tweets
22 Aug 18
Quick thread on depression.

Apologies in advance for those who are going to get triggered.

Depression is on the rise among all age groups, but is rising the fastest among teens and young adults.

Why is this?
That's a good question, Susie. Especially considering the following:

โ€ข Life expectancy is up
โ€ข Literacy is up
โ€ข Poverty is down
โ€ข Homicide is down
โ€ข People killed in war is down
โ€ข Global GDP is up (significantly)
Is it possible that the evolutionary mismatch between past human environments and modern-day living may impact rising rates of depression?

After all... โ€œModern populations are increasingly overfed, malnourished, sedentary, sunlight-deficient, sleep deprived & socially isolated.โ€
Read 12 tweets
20 Aug 18
Here's a tweetstorm featuring 25 things I intend to teach my 2-year old son.

[Spoiler Alert]: A bit of a surprise for those who make it to the end...

1.) You should always try to go to bed smarter than when you woke up.

For the best way to get smarter, see #2.
2.) You should read a lot. Reading makes you more empathetic & this world needs more empathy. In our house, youโ€™ll always be surrounded by books

"In my whole life, I have known no wise people (over a broad subject matter area) who didnโ€™t read all the timeโ€Šโ€”โ€Šnone. Zero." - Munger
3.) Sleep more. You sleep more than 11 hours a day right now. As you get older, there will be more demands on your time and itโ€™s tempting to sacrifice sleep. Donโ€™t. People who sleep more have better health, sharper thinking, improved memory and many other benefits.
Read 29 tweets