Autistic people don't lack empathy. But a lot of people mistakenly think we do, so I'm going to explain why it isn't true.

First, I'll start by saying that autistic people CAN lack empathy. It's just not because of their autism.

(A 20 part thread, this topic is highly nuanced) The diagnostic criteria for autism doesn't mention empathy at all. Unlike the diagnostic criteria for NPD, where lacking empathy is included in the definition itself. (Note that I'm not saying either is good or bad, just discussing how the conditions are defined.)

Me: I sometimes do this thing that might be perceived of as rude, but my disability makes it hard for me to avoid doing sometimes.

Them: Well it IS rude. Stop doing it.

Me: 🤦‍♀️ A couple weeks ago I explained that I sometimes cut people off in conversation without meaning to be rude. The number of comments I got telling me that it is in fact rude and that I need to stop doing it tells me that I needed to be clearer on my point. So, here goes...

One of the more confusing things about autism (especially to those who aren't autistic) is that the way an autistic person reacts to things can change from one moment to the next... and I think it's helpful to understand why.

First, a few examples, so you know what I mean... 1. An autistic person might handle a certain task (like laundry) without any trouble one day, but have a complete meltdown when asked to do it another.

2. An autistic person might be perfectly fine being social with strangers one day, but be completely overwhelmed by it another.

Why are there so many undiagnosed adults who are only now discovering that they're either autistic, adhd, or neurodivergent in some way?

I can explain... In the 70s, 80s, and 90s, the general understanding of autism/adhd and other neurodivergent conditions revolved around obvious and extreme signs (usually only seen in young boys).

9 reasons people might not believe I'm autistic...

1. I'm friendly and sociable and can be extremely likable

2. I can do eye contact and small talk and show interest in others

3. I'm articulate and can have a "normal" conversation (where I sound like everybody else) 4. Nothing about me stands out in a majorly negative or agregious way

5. No one would look at me and immediately think I'm autistic

6. I have several extremely close friends that I have known for 10-20 years (some longer)

If you're learning about autism for the first time, it's most likely not what you think it is.

Autism can show up in obvious ways, but for a significant number of autistic people, you wouldn't know we're autistic just by looking at us.

Let me explain why this happens... /1 Social skills: From a very young age, we learn to hide (aka mask) our discomfort in social situations. We also learn how to mimic others so we don't stand out. We end up seeming "weird" or "quirky" rather than having a social disability. /2

This is going to seem random but since stomach issues are extremely common for autistic people, I feel like this might help some of you, so here goes.

If you struggle with food cravings... as in, you have an insatiable appetite and are constantly eating or thinking about food... Look into candidiasis... the version that impacts the gut.

It's a yeast overgrowth, which causes intense cravings. Particularly for things high in sugar/carbohydrates (also vinegary things and cheeses).

I had this issue for literal years. It was pure misery.

Anyone claiming that autism levels are outdated is misinformed.

There's a good chance they think the levels are referring to functioning (high/low) which is how people used to talk about autism. But the levels as of 2024 are referring to the level of SUPPORT a person needs... Which is *not* about functioning (even though some people very loudly claim it is)... but rather, about what support a person needs in order to exist in the world for THEIR OWN comfort, happiness, and ability to thrive to THEIR OWN standards and desires.

Something I've come to realize recently is that all the times I was told I was annoying (yes, people actually told me this 🙄) or treated like I was... the things people found "annoying" about me were all related to my autism... - I can be extremely literal and feel the need to correct misinformation (which usually seems minor to others, but never to me)

- I can "overcomplicate" things that others consider simple (even though, in my own mind, they are not simple at all)

Ok, so I can actually explain why this happens... ready? ADHD and other auditory processing challenged brains will have a delayed ability to process auditory inputs.

But the brain has a pretty nifty feature that stores up to 2 seconds of auditory information... it's called the "phonological loop"...

Are you a people pleaser who is constantly changing yourself for others so they'll like you, but no matter how hard you try, it doesn't seem to be working?

Here's the thing... you're playing a rigged game. It's unwinnable. Change yourself for person A, person B finds you annoying. Change yourself for person B, person A finds you annoying again... but wait, now person C also finds you annoying.

"Everyone does that. It's not an autistic trait. Stop making everything about autism."

I feel like I need to make something very clear because I've seen this comment a lot lately.

Behaviors aren't autistic traits. They are MANIFESTATIONS of autistic traits. Saying that everyone hates small talk so it's not an autistic trait is missing the point. (It's also not true. Not everyone hates small talk. "But anyone CAN hate small talk. It's not specific to autism." Okay, sure. That's still missing the point.)

I don't know who needs to see this but if you get sensory overload easily and often and it gets in the way of your daily functioning... you might have sensory processing disorder... which is a brain wiring difference. And research suggests that sensory over sensitivity can be the result of the brain rerouting sensory inputs to the area of the brain that processes pain.

So, half of an autism diagnosis has to do with social communication differences. If you're not sure what that means and want to know more, this thread is for you. 😊 So, I'll start with how the DSM breaks these differences down. It lists 3 examples.

1. Lack of social-emotional reciprocity in conversation

2. Nonverbal communication challenges (mainly eye contact and body language differences)

More for ADHD awareness month...

Untreated ADHD can actually lead to an early death (up to 13 years early, according to the research). The seriousness of this is real. But please also understand that the risks of ADHD are specifically related to UNTREATED ADHD. This post is not suggesting that ADHD itself can shorten a person's lifespan. It's calling attention to the fact that without treatment, a person can live a significantly shorter life.

3 reasons I used to drink as a neurodivergent person and the #1 reason I chose to stop drinking (for good)...

1. To quiet my mind. As an autistic person, my brain feels like it's constantly "on." Alcohol would slow it down, and give me a break from my own thoughts. (There's research that explains this, which I've shared before... but the brain feeling like it's always on is a common autistic experience)

2. To dull my senses (I have extremely intense sensory sensitivities)

3. To feel more comfortable and less anxious at social events

For ADHD Awareness Month, I want to take a minute to explain ADHD and how it's diagnosed because I think a lot of people don't understand what ADHD is and how it can look... First of all, something a lot of people don't know is that there are three types of ADHD...

1. Inattentive Type
2. Hyperactive/Impulsive Type
3. Combined Type

"I was trying to pursue an autism diagnosis, but the practitioner told me I can't be autistic because I’m able to give eye contact."

I hear this a lot, and it frustrates me because not only is it untrue… if a practitioner is saying this, it's a major red flag... 1/10 First, I want to clarify what the wording about eye contact in the DSM is "Abnormalities in eye contact." It doesn’t say that autistic people CAN'T give eye contact... just that we do it differently than “normal” people. 2/10

Not that well, actually 😬😅 Also... did you know that there's a good chance this is related to generalized anxiety disorder?

Some "fun facts" about GAD...

Definition: Chronic, excessive, uncontrollable anxiety that impairs daily functioning and is accompanied by 3 or more of the following...

10 signs you might be autistic...

1. You've always felt a bit "different" and have struggled to form friendships

2. You have a hard time understanding and expressing your emotions (there is actually a name for this... it's called "alexithymia") 3. Eye contact makes you uncomfortable... and when you force yourself to do it, you have a hard time concentrating on what the other person is saying

4. Social interactions are often challenging and/or draining for you

For those looking for somewhat simplified breakdowns of sensory processing disorder, autism, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder, I created resources that should give you some insight... I'll share them here, but you can find them all on my website (for free) as PDF downloads.

nicolefilipponeauthor.com/free-resources