as a trans woman, I've had a lot of people (even well-meaning allies!) tell me that no matter what I do, no matter how much I change my body, I'll always be male. and that it's not transphobic to say so. it's just science, after all.
let's talk about that.
the short answer is: yes it's transphobic, because I'm trans and I'm telling you so.
that's how it works for any marginalized group you don't belong to. we're more aware of what language is harmful to us than you are, and we don't always have the energy to explain
after all, I wouldn't even bring it up if it wasn't a problem, would I?
when someone says "ow, you're standing on my foot", your first response should be to move your damn foot, not say "but I'm not putting all my weight on it!"
realtalk: I, a trans lesbian, have turned down several trans women because I perceived them as being masculine in ways that I found unappealing. that's not transphobic. that's what an ACTUAL "personal preference" looks like
(and I didn't say that was why, because that'd be rude)
I'm not even a huge fan of "bisexual lesbian" but the fact is that many women who are technically bisexual still call themselves lesbians, and have very good reasons for doing so, and it's pointless to attack them for it or try to cover it up
since I'm reporting from the fringe anyway, here's my forecast for the overarching Queer Agenda, the ACTUAL slippery slope we have to look forward to if the trend of greater cultural acceptance of Weird Shit continues...
already mainstream: L, G, B, binary T
in progress: nonbinary gender, asexuality, nonmonogamy
up next: furries, neuroqueer/autistic pride, multiple systems
eventually: transhumanism, extreme modification of bodies and/or minds
all of this is already happening in some form, none of it is inherently dangerous, if you're scared of it becoming mainstream then you might be carrying the seeds of tomorrow's shitty prejudice. respect people's autonomy as a rule, imho
full disclosure, I was technically incorrect here, the word does occur in the DSM-5. but blanchard's typology HAS been discredited and replaced with a more nuanced model that reflects the reality of transition
(otoh a terf would probably conclude that in addition to "forcing myself" on lesbians I'm now going after bisexual women using some kind of "male feminist performative wokeness" but who cares what terves think)
basically I've got TERF Simulator 3000 constantly running as a background process in my head, so if you ever want to know what a terf would say about a particular argument or situation you can just ask me instead
between TERFs telling me I'm a straight man because I've always dated women, and trans-inclusive cis lesbians telling me I'm bi because I've hooked up with men in the past, is there any identity more carefully guarded than that of the trans lesbian
I think the issue is that these are younger cis lesbians who had the privilege of growing up in a world where lesbian identity is acknowledged and understood, they've always had a framework for their feelings
they've forgotten their history, they don't realize that the framework they depend on was established through queer politics, by those who experienced the same identity but had to carve a space for it through trial and error
I may have embraced the binary labels "woman" and "lesbian" for the time being, as they feel like the most accurate and concise description of who I am, but don't think for a second that I'm not still queer as fuck
"there sure are a lot of autistic trans people, huh?"
"oh. I'm one of them."
"I experience the two as being kind of similar, actually"
"I literally can't tell where my transness ends and my autism begins, they are fundamentally intertwined aspects of my identity"
and it's SO WEIRD because my autism means that aspects of social behavior that are instinctive to most people, I had to learn
but my gender, which is supposed to be socially constructed, was there all along
it's literally easier for me to be a girl than to be a human
oh, and I don't think I've said this outright, but two of my favorite autistic traits - the hyperempathy and the intuitive connection-making - seem to have been kicked into overdrive since I started taking progesterone
who KNOWS what that means but it's pretty cool imho
periodic reminder from a binary trans woman that nonbinary trans people are valid and you should respect their identities
just because I eventually realized my gender fits inside the category of "woman" doesn't mean there aren't infinitely many other possibilities, gender is complicated as hell and pretending there are only two options doesn't do us any favors
also don't fall into the trap of thinking that gender and presentation have to match
you can look, dress, and act however you want, you're still whatever gender you feel like you are
ok so basically where I'm at on the whole furry thing is that cartoon animals do nothing for me but transhumanism is SUPER FUCKING HOT and I don't really get why they seem to go hand in hand
"I couldn't possibly be trans, I'm not super femme and I'm not really into guys"
"I couldn't possibly be a lesbian, I like dick too much"
"I couldn't possibly be autistic, I'm too empathetic and good with language"