Well, the Devil went down to Qatar
He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind 'cause his big-ass behind
Couldn't fit behind the wheel
When he came across this sultan
Sittin' on a Boeing and playin' it hot
And the Devil jumped up, said my name is Trump
And said "Boy, let me tell you what" The Devil said, "My name's Donnie, and it might be a sin
But I'm gon' take your jet and you'll never regret
I'm the worst that's ever been"

Look, I don't really care if Elon Musk uses a burner account named Adrian Dittmann to participate in Twitter Spaces, talk up his own companies Tesla and SpaceX, and call himself "a great father". I just think it's odd and should be studied by the proper psychologists It is noteworthy but not especially interesting

The college protestors are blaming all Jewish people for the actions of Benjamin Netanyahu which makes about as much sense as blaming Hillary Clinton for the actions of Donald Trump There happen to be wildly conflicting viewpoints within the white Anglo-Saxon protestant community you dumb fucking children. Go back to your $90,000 dorm rooms and calm the fuck down

Anybody willing to vote for Donald Trump has already proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they're way too fucking stupid to own a semi automatic rifle. Sorry dipshits, but you disqualified yourself due to your own actions, just like Donald did when he betrayed the U.S. Constitution

When Ronald Reagan abolished the Fairness Doctrine in 1987 it paved the way for unscrupulous cable news channels (and terrestrial radio stations) to absolutely inundate the American chucklefuck population with fascist rhetoric and horseshit grievance politics; to blame the other. That's why we are here, and Rush Limbaugh is burning in Hell for it

Markwayne Mullin inherited his daddy's plumbing company just like Marjorie Taylor Greene inherited her daddy's construction company just like Donald Trump inherited every fucking dollar he squandered over the last 50 years. Do you see a pattern yet, America? We got arrogant, trust fund Nazis fucking up our democracy, everywhere you goddamn look

Hamas only does what Iran says it can do, and Iran only does what Russia says it can do. That is your whole goddamn Ted Talk They're the Axis of Assholes

It's perfectly OK to bully the bullies Follow me, I'll show you the way

Somebody should tell Gov Greg Abbott that setting your thermostat to 82 degrees for sleeping is basically like camping inside your own house I got wildlife in the kitchen. Ducks are landing as we speak

BREAKING NEWS: Iowa Supreme Court Strikes Down Six Week Abortion Ban; Chuck Grassley Responds In Scathing Telegram "-.-- --- ..- / .- ... ... / .... --- .-.. . ... / -- ..- ... - / -... . / -.- .. -.. -.. .. -. --. / -- . .-..-." said Grassely.

The Babylon Bee is like if Kevin Sorbo attempted stand-up comedy It's a disaster over there

Passing these MAGA chucklefucks on the information superhighway be like Beep beep ya dumb asshats

If you don't think think Tom Fitton is funded by Vladimir Putin then I got some hot new cryptocurrency to sell ya They're basically Pokemon cards, but digital, not real. You wire me money from overseas, I retain all rights to the data, but you get to set the Pokemon card as the background photo on that iPhone 8 you been using

Growing up the MAGATS would always say "9/11, never forget" but now their dear leader golfs with the Saudis, steals classified documents, and received $2,000,000,000 for his dipshit son-in-law's hedge fund Make that make sense to me you dumb chucklefucks

Three thirty in the morning
Not a Fed in sight
Mar-a-lago lookin' like a ghost town
On a moonless summer night
Raindrops on the golf course
There's a storm movin' in
Trump's headin' back from somewhere
That he never should have been
And the thunder rolls,
And the thunder rolls Every light is burnin'
In a hotel across town
Lindsey Graham is pacin' by the telephone
In his faded flannel gown
Askin' for a miracle
Hopin' he's not right
Prayin' it's the weather
That's kept Trump out all night
And the thunder rolls
And the thunder rolls

Oh snap! Nice tweet, Brandon

Hey guys, I think I figured out why Casey DeSantis always wears Disney Princess gloves Somethin ain't right

The sad part about all this is that if ever do land a real writing job, I won't be able to tell you fuckers I was Liam Nissan the whole goddamn time I live in Texas. That would be dangerous. My Ring doorbell would be blowing up with dumb fucking MAGATS

You know guys, back when I originally went Nissan Rouge and created this Twitter account, one of the main drivers behind that decision was I felt I needed to tell old, dumb Republican people that COVID could actually kill them, and that Donald Trump did not care in the least. I felt I owed it to the generations who came before me, even if they're really dumb.

These weren't Whitehouse dinner menus we're talking about. That ridiculous orange dipshit had documents describing America's nuclear defense capabilities in his goddamn bathroom, hidden behind a $8 shower curtain. To hell with him

I think rainbows should be mandatory starting at age 2 Everybody who thinks otherwise needs to chill the fuck out, you dumb chucklefucks