Story Za Tonnie : "Hello, Uko Wapi?"

I think it's common knowledge that when your friend calls you on a Friday asking, "uko wapi wewee?" then, some sh!t is about to go down! That's exactly how my boyz and I were tricked into a "sherehe" without even planning. Skiza story... Friday evening, tumechill kwa beshte yangu Dave, tunawatch Rick and Morty. Siku haina dosari, haina bugdha, haina ngwere, yaani as simple boy would put it, mambo ilikua shega. Kidogo simu ya Dave ikapigwa, the name calling, "Ted".

Story Za Tonnie: COMBATO NI TRABO

I think when Mr. Right said "Mi msee m-humble but all time najipata kwa trouble", he might have been referring to me. I don't have a better way to introduce this story because, mostly I don't look for trouble, trouble finds me. That night, I was chilled, as harmless as a newborn, but then trouble came knocking, and he wasn't alone, he brought his mum, dad, twin sisters, cousins, he brought the whole gaddam clan. Skiza story....

Story Za Tonnie : Thick Thighs take lives.
One time baby you're my motivation
Two time what a beautiful creation
Thick thighs save lives...I think I might have to disagree with Bien and Bensoul on this one. As far as I'm concerned, thick thighs almost took my life. Skiza Story.. Day fulani mi na maboyz tumeiva, tunaexchange those nonsensical stories, then one of them asked, "btw, mnapenda madem wanakaa aje?" So kila mtu alikua anasema vile ye hutaka, lightskin, slim, thick, tall na upuzi kama hizo. Mi Kufikiwa, nikasema "slim thick", acha mbogi icheke.

Story Za Tonnie : Fatma The Phat ma'.

See, in every man's sexual fantasy is a list of the different types of women he'd wanna bone before he meets his maker. My n!gga Jay, he'd kill for a Canadian coochie, for me though, a Somalian babe tops my list. There's just something about them that tickles my wiener. I've always tried to cuff one, but it's hard, religion issues make it even harder. Okay, I once managed, well almost managed, but how? Skiza Story...

Story Za Tonnie : Just Party! Lakini UsiPartykane!

House parties, the climax of campus life. In my time in Juja, I have attended a good number of these, but I have to say, they come with a fair share of drama, and sometimes I found myself right in the middle of it, Skiza Story. It was one those boring Saturdays hii time ya Covid, Kamwana ameeka strict guidelines, hakuna public gatherings, club zimefungwa, the best you can do is just chill in the house. So mimi nilikua nimetulia pale bedsitter, nimedunga kinyasa, with a nice playlist, having a good time.

Story Za Tonnie : AirBnb party gone wrong.
Airbnb is a service mostly for travelers looking for a space to stay, in Kenya though we use the service mostly to host private parties. Sometimes though, the parties might not go as planned, like in our case with my Boyz... Skiza story Like I have said before, campus nilijipata kwa gang ya coolkids, people living way beyond my means, to be honest though it was kinda fun, I got to enjoy stuff that my fellow broke cabrones could never experience.

Story Za Tonnie : Too Available? 🍑

These words are the very reason Shaffie and Co. aren't on the breakfast show on HBR this morning. Contrary to popular opinion, I feel like there was a message in the comments made , I have to agree though the delivery wasn't good. So have you met someone who was too available that it made you ask yourself questions?🤔 Someone who doesn't seem to give a sh!t where and who they hang out with? 🤷‍♀️Well, I have, Skiza Story...

Story Za Tonnie : NGUMI Ni JAMO 👊.

Shika mtoto wako mweke karibu nawe🎵
Beshte yako mnunulie beer pia naye🎵
Mtu akileta noma hapa pigana naye🎵

Najua Nonini ni mnoma but hio last part sikubaliani nayo, saa ingine mtu akileta noma si lazima upigane na yeye man,
Skiza Story... Friday fulani nimetulia kejani, ni around 4 pm na niko rada kama fundi wa saa, normally hio masaa ningekua mlevi lakini nilikua nimesota mbaya so nikaamua tu kutulia kejani. Kidogo nikareceive call, Maxie , coolkid fulani najua kutoka highschool.

Story Za Tonnie: When She Shoots Her Shot 🔞💦.

A woman will rarely make the first move even when she's obviously attracted to a particular man, this is because stereotypically it is the role of a man to initiate dates or sexual encounters... However in the unlikely event that a woman makes the first move, she is not as direct as a man, mostly she will try to make it obvious that she likes you. As a man you should be able to read the situation and make the right move. I once failed, it pains me to date, Skiza Story...

Story Za Tonnie Sn 4 Ep 4 ( HELL IN A CELL 🚔👮👹😭)

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second, When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's Albert Einstein on relativity. There's no better way to introduce this Story, so Skiza Story.. JUJA, April 2019. It was one of those calm Saturdays, my girl had come over for the weekend. I took her to my local joint to watch football and she really liked it, game locals hushika vinoma, kwanza banter inakua pale 😂. Game ya mwisho iliisha at around 8:30pm...

Story Za Tonnie Sn 3 Ep 5
(Bibi Ya Wenyewe Is A No Go Zone❌🚫🍆🍑)

"Bibi ya wenyewe is a no go zone",You should take these lyrics from Sauti Sol's Extravaganza very seriously cabrones.Monkey business with another man's wife is very dangerous,I learned the hard way,Skiza Story.. Kuna end month fulani hapo mi na geng yangu ya broke cabrones tuliamua enough is enough, tulikua tumechoka kukata konyagi bedsitter buana, we had to go for a real party 😂. So tukasanitize shopping, tukatoa vitu sio important, kama steelwire, ndio tusave tupate ya pombe...