We’re sleepwalking towards disaster: This morning, on the eastbound lanes of Nairobi’s Southern Bypass (heading down from Kikuyu towards Mombasa Road), a fuel tanker had a mishap. Either a crash, or a mechanical breakdown that rendered it immobile.

ka-UZI Per someone who passed the scene before me, the lorry was leaking fuel in copious quantities. I got stuck in that traffic for almost an hour (getting horribly late for an important meeting while at it). Traffic inching forward, almost no one knowing what had caused the snarl up.

I was having a conversation the other day with some friends of mine. About parenting. Listen up, especially if you are a father.

KaUZI The concept of quality time with one’s children is a meaningless one. Or, better put, one cannot substitute quantity of time (i.e. presence) for ‘quality’.

The current drought has been a devastating one - one of the worst in living memory. Entire communities' livelihoods have been destroyed, and we've been warned that these long rains will offer little relief in quantity and duration.

But what's going on? What's behind it?

KaUZI There are some terms you need to keep in your front pocket, as we shall refer to them continuously. These are the Indian Ocean Dipole (IOD), El Niño (EN) and La Niña (LN). Also, the El Niño-Southern Oscillation (ENSO).

Mr. Njonjo has died just three weeks short of his 102nd birthday. We last wrote of him at his centenary, and the link to that is here: unquietafrican.blogspot.com/2020/01/the-da…
His like we will not see again, and you can see why if you read the article.

But of course you want a:

KaUZI! There is power. Charm. Ruthlessness. An exquisite sense of style. King-whisperer and kingmaker. Greed. Eloquence. Velvety smoothness while wielding a vicious rapier. Blue blood and blue chips. No one combined this in one person quite so successfully as Charles Njonjo.

You’re driving to shags. Or to your holiday destination. Or just down the road for some nyama. But you’re doing this on Kenyan roads, which have their own specific, absolutely scary kind of madness.

So to try to keep you alive and (hopefully) sane, a…

KaUZI! 1. You are not driving in town
Urban driving and driving long distance on the highway are two entirely different exercises, demanding different skill sets, different attitude and a different level of concentration. For one, speeds are much higher

Someone asked me for (more) investment advice the other day, so here it is. You may have seen it some moons ago over at MkZ, but it doesn’t hurt to re-see it (and it’s slightly updated). So,

Ka-UZI 1. Be clever about money. Money is a commodity like any other. Buy low and sell high. That means, don't be afraid to borrow, but only at the right price. If you borrow at 10% and get returns of 20%, you're a genius; if you borrow at 5% for returns of 3%, you're an idiot.

Had hoped for better, but this is (sadly) long on anecdote, and short of relevant analysis.

We (especially the older generation) love dumping on this group, but much of that dumping is both misinformed and misplaced.

Ka-UZI First, some thoughts about generations. ‘Baby Boomers’, ‘Generation X’ and more are largely meaningless when applied to non-American/ Western demographics. Why? The baby boom that happened in the West (especially the USA) was a very specific phenomenon.

Kuna vitu nawaambianga na hamnisikizangi, yaani
There are things I keep telling you people and you don’t listen. Like about investment.

I told you many years ago, at unquietafrican.blogspot.com/2017/03/what-y…. Let me repeat it.

My seven rules of investment.

Ka-UZI 1. There are NO guaranteed returns in ANY business or investment, anywhere. Anyone who tells you of guaranteed, no risk returns is stupid or they're lying. If they're telling you this and asking you for your money, they are thieves. Run. Slap them first.

One day someone will write THE book about perhaps the most devastating pandemic to ever hit East Africa. No, not Covid or even the 1918 flu, but the twin rinderpest and smallpox epidemics that hit around 1889-1892.

Ka-u? Ka-uzi. Just to illustrate, the smallpox epidemic decimated the Maasai (some reports are that up to two thirds of the Maasai were wiped out). The smallpox epidemic also devastated the Southern Gĩkũyũ, who were forced to evacuate modern-day Kiambu, and both from present-day Nairobi.

1/ Ages ago (five years, actually) I wrote a post on MKZ* on how to make (and retain) money when investing. It popped up the other day, and much of it is still surprisingly relevant. So,

Ka-UZI

*Mukuru Kwa Zuckerberg, yaani Facebook 2/ Be clever about money. Money is a commodity like any other. Buy low and sell high. That means, don't be afraid to borrow, but only at the right price. If you borrow at 10% and get returns of 20%, you're a genius; if you borrow at 5% for returns of 3%, you're an idiot.

Has it ever occurred to you that most of us have a schizophrenic relationship with money, as a result of how we were brought up? I have a solution, but I guess I should be prepared to be called ‘unAfrican’ and worse names. Full post at unquietafrican.blogspot.com/2020/07/our-fi…

But, ka-UZI!

1/13 For most of us, growing up, money was something that was either there, or wasn’t. Our parents and guardians would sigh that there was no money, even for important things, or we’d suddenly see those things appear, with no idea how they’d been bought.

unquietafrican.blogspot.com/2020/07/our-fi…

2/13

That dude making the deadly bench/ table combo on Ngong’ Road. Why E-Sir is protected well beyond the grave. Nursery schools with dodgy paintings of Mickey Mouse on the wall. The legal theory behind the greatest rap song ever.

What do they have in common?

Ka-UZI

1/24 Yes, this is a thread about intellectual property, or IP. What is it? Why does it matter? Where do lawyers and judges come in, when all I want is to paint my kiosk, or copy a design in a furniture magazine, or call my business ‘Coca-Cola Shoes’?

IP is remarkably important.

2/24

Shares. Stock. Equities. Bourse. Terms to confuse, or enlighten. How does it work? How do you make (or lose) money? Should you pay attention to the end of business news every night, or those confusing pages at the back of the paper?

Wonder no more. It is time for:

Ka-uzi

1/25 First, my usual rules. This is a primer. An introduction to the subject. So it will be quite simple, and if you are looking for strategies for short-selling, or want to wow everyone with your knowledge of fractional trading and seeking alpha, start your own ka-uzi.

2/25

The 2019 Economic Survey by @KNBStats is out. Some things that immediately jump out at me (and it is a 418-page document, so I will not chambuate the whole thing): Kenya is an agricultural country. Agriculture’s contribution to GDP increased from 30.2% of GDP in 2015 to a provisional 34.1% in 2019. Other notables are transportation and storage (8.5%) and real estate (6.9%). Finance/ insurance 6%; education 4.2%; wholesale/ retail trade 7.6%

So, online forex trading. And other strategies that promise to make you money after a few sessions of instruction, or reading a few books, or a few months of experience.

I will try and be as neutral as possible. If you agree with me, gravy. If you don’t, sawa.

Ka-uzi

1/25 In everything involving gain and loss of money, there is one key word. It is so important that you should park it in your front pocket for the purposes of this conversation, and perhaps for the duration of your life in this world. This word is:

RISK

It governs everything.

2/25

Jana tukatuma press release juu ya hizi CRB. Wasee wakadunda ndani ya inbox yangu: Fadhela ebu kuja ufafanuate hizi stori. Naelewa kingoso lakini staki vitu zinipite. Hii maneno ya CRB mlikuwa mnasema nini?

Nikafikiria, nikaamua the best thing ni?

Ka-uzi, wadau...

1/14 Saa hii maze vitu zimekuwa ngori. Corona noma. Job inakaa ni kama itakatika, na hustle pia inakaa noma. Uko na m-junior hapo anadai maziwa na malenge. Yeye hajui corona, anajua wewe ni budake au mathake na contract yako na Sir God imesema ushughulikie familia.

2/14

Treasury Bills and Treasury Bonds. You’ve heard of them. You may even have friends trying to interest you in investing in them. You probably nod approvingly, but are bewildered by the whole notion. Have no fear. Let’s try and give you a (gentle) introduction.

Ka-uzi.

1/16 All governments (and lots of companies) borrow using bonds. For governments, the main instruments (yaani methods, to be inaccurately simple) used are Treasury Bills and Treasury Bonds.

2/16

There is power. Charm. Ruthlessness. An exquisite sense of style. King-whisperer and kingmaker. Greed. Eloquence. Velvety smoothness while wielding a vicious rapier. Blue blood and blue chips. No one combined this in one person quite so successfully as Charles Njonjo. KaUZI. Charles Mugane Njonjo is sui generis in Kenya’s history, and he turns 100 tomorrow. He reached the apex of his power almost 40 years ago, but remains a figure of fascination for many, and especially me (why do you think I helped re-introduce 3-piece suits to Kenyan public life?)