going through levels of dissociation never thought were possible. i shit you not i feel more out of it than when on 30mg of Ambien which is 6x my prescribed dose the stress is killing me its so bad
ive had this headache for at least 2 weeks now and it just. wont. stop. no matter what. im listening to my parents conversation through the wall: "If it needs an exorcism, thats the most spiritually fortified place" and im just crying in the

my mother just came into my room and began ranting about how the pregnancy-like hormonal fluctuations are gonna make me "cry constantly". before i even had the chance to tell her that the goal of hormone therapy is maintaining stable levels she lashed out: "thats unnatural for a man", "you need therapy" and how "what [i] should really be taking is testosterone".

sure yeah i need therapy, but my psychologist and psychiatrist have already determined that i need treatment for gender dysphoria, of which she denies.

was in a better mood. felt a bit better about my body. thought i could go to hs again. then got 10+ nightmares and sleep paralysis in just two nights.
now my astrovials order was refused by the local carrier even though all my info was right and they never tried to contact me. almost out of estrogen. only one needle left. not enough crypto to buy another vial. credit card empty and not able to charge it

what kind of cosmic joke is this? am i really going to have to resort to birth control pills and diy orchi? literally could not be more fucked rn

in the last few months ive been coerced into an exorcism, outed to my mother's acquaintances, outed to my father, outed to at least 6 church officials, taken on a 4 hour ride to a church and coerced into religion-based conversion therapy and denied medical care+ my parents wont entrust me with my own brother cause after all they see me as nothing but a degenerate freak