🧵 The last 24 hours have been torture for Israelis. Here’s a thread of the best jokes we sent around to pass the time:

It started early Friday, with this- “I feel like I’m waiting for a delivery that’s supposed to arrive between Friday and Sunday” Exhausted reporter talking about school closures and accidentally saying it’s due to a teachers strike and not Iranian strike, then proceeding to curse (it’s a bad one too)

It is said that when Hamas attacked Israel, it underestimated the leadership, quick-thinking and creativity of its people. Enter a 22-year-old a newly released IDF combat solider and Columbia University freshman named Yonatan Barkat... 🧵 Yonatan had just began his first semester in NYC on 10/7. He fought tooth and nail to fly home and join the reserves, despite his unit being over capacity. He eventually made it to a combat batallion in Gaza, joined by his father, a 60 y/o succesful business man, who also volunteered for service.

This is Lt. Col. Yarden, a batallion commander currently fighting in Gaza.On 10/7 she woke up in her home in southern Israel to the sound of sirens and hid with her family, but then heard her base was under attack. She got in her car, picked up 4 of her soldiers on the way, and drove towards danger. On the way she realized terrorists are all over the roads. She called her husband and told him to take their 3 kids somewhere safe. They arrived at the base, directing other soldiers along the way on what routes should be avoided because they are infested with terrorists. When they arrived, the force she led killed at least 10 Hamas terrorists.

The fighting that began in the morning lasted all day, until they eliminated the threat and evacuated the other soldiers.

Breaking news: The IDF has decided to stop it's fight against Hamas, because the city of Long Beach CA, where crime and homelesness have been rising at staggering rates, decided after a 6 hour meeting to vote for a ceasefire. There are many reasons to support this ceasefire, according to the speakers:

🔻Israel sex traffics children
🔻politians are puppets controlled by the Zionists
🔻Hamas are freedom fighters
🔻Black Jews are being forcible sterilized
🔻Israel controls the media

And many, many more!

Thank you @DrJoniLB for sponsoring this. You’re right -it’s historic. Very proud of my friend and LBC resident @SaysCL who spoke up against the parade of ignorance and hate. Here’s a first draft of her remarks:

“ I just got off the phone with prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu and he is shaking in his boots. He called an emergency war cabinet meeting to discuss the Long Beach City council ceasefire resolution. While I was on the phone with bibi i got a call waiting beep and it was Zelensky from Ukraine. He’s very upset that the Long Beach City council hasn’t made a public resolution about what’s going on in Ukraine but have commented on Gaza. Also, I was several minutes late to the meeting tonight because I tripped over 18 homeless people while trying to get into the building.”

🧵 The amazing story of 2nd Lt. Eden.

Eden was on base with her soldiers on 10/7 when the missile attacks begun and they took shelter. They their families to say they're safe, but then, a soldier's mother said the news is reporting that Hamas terrorists infiltrated the base. Eden decided to make a run for the base’s operation room. On the way, she took a bullet to the leg. She kept running and made it.

Inside were 6 soliders, one of which made a tourniquet from a sweatshirt for Eden's leg.

An NCO guarded the door. He was then shot dead.

🧵 If you're an endurance athlete, you know Saturday is for long training.

On 10/7, junior triathlete Itai (15) was out early training when he was ambushed by Hamas terrorists. They shot him in the head, and he lost his right eye.

This week he was back on the bike 🚴🏻 🇮🇱 A group of @IsraelPremTech cyclists was torn apart by terror that day. They hid with their bikes as you can see here, and a few attempted to escape in their car, including Tomer Shpirer in the blue shirt

🧵To understand Israel's mindset about a hostage deal, you need to know about Gilad Shalit.

Gilad was a 20 y/o soldier who was kidnapped by Hamas from the ironically named "Kerem Shalom" ("Peace grove") in Israel in 2006.

Gilad was held captive by Hamas monsters for 5 years and 4 month, 1,941 days.
Every single Israeli child knew the name Gilad Shalit. His face was everywhere. The whole country demanded him back.

He was released in 2011 in exchange for 1,027 terrorists, including Yahya Sinwar, the architecht of Hamas's latest genocidal massacre.

This is Yahya Sinwar, 61. In 1989, Yahya was sentenced to life in Israel for murdering 2 IDF soldiers and 4 Palestinians he suspected of collaboration.

While in prison in Israel in 2008, he was diagnosed with fatal brain cancer, to which he responded by crying like a little baby.
Because Israel is a democracy, the prisoner known as “the butcher of Han Younes” underwent life saving surgery for free in our hospitals, and was eventual released in 2011 with 1000+ other terrorists in exchange for one kidnapped IDF soldier, Gilad Shalit.

🧵1/12 Just finished listening to an interesting pod about social media and the Russia/Ukraine war, titled "The First LinkedIn War". Researcher @noammanella spoke to @attilus (in Hebrew, sorry) but here's what I learned (mixed with some of my thoughts) -
open.spotify.com/episode/23XaXs… 2/12 No shared reality: as opposed to previous wars, we no longer have a shared conception of truth (think Covid, Trump, fake news etc.) It's not that truth existed before 2022, but at least we agreed on basic narratives or looked to media and leaders for facts (hi @mgurri!)

I go back-and-forth between never wanting to talk about Israel again and wanting to talk about it all the time. I was born and raised there and served in the IDF, and my entire family is sitting in bomb shelters atm. It’s deeply personal but important to me so here goes.(1/10) 1. There are no good sides in war: war is ugly and messy and people get blown up. There is however a side that attempts to minimize civilian casualties at all costs, and a side that aims for populations and celebrates when innocent people are killed.