I’m a medical registrar. I’ve been a qualified doctor for 10 years, in training for 16. Out of hours, I’m the most senior physician on site caring for acutely unwell patients. I recently returned from paternity to work 60% as it’s the only way we could make childcare work.

(1/4) Nursery fees eat up 65.7% of my take home salary, leaving me about £600 a month better off for having gone to work. The ONLY reason I can afford the luxury of being a doctor is because my wife works full time. That’s a privilege many of my colleagues simply do not have. (2/4)

I’ve been meaning to write a thread about this for a while so here goes… for the benefit of anyone who’s struggling as a new dad, here’s a frank account of my first few weeks of parenthood. It was difficult to write so I’m afraid it’s a long one! 🧵

(TW: post-natal depression) (Apologies in advance if it sounds like I’m centring myself in this narrative - I’m lucky enough to have the most incredible wife/co-parent and can’t even begin to grasp the complex physical and emotional phenomena of motherhood. Just talking about what I know.)

Okay hear me out: make a hospital TV show with an American budget, beautiful American actors and thumping great doses of hyperbolic American melodrama… but set it on a UK AMU and deal exclusively with the everyday minutia of life on the NHS.

Allow me to elaborate… 🧵 Line of Duty (S01E01). On his first day, FY2 Peter finds himself in a deadly race against time. If he doesn’t get a cannula into Bed 5, the nurses will be forced to stop her slow fluids just hours before she goes home. In this thrilling pilot, we see just how real AMU can get.

Variation on a “controversial” theme but here’s a few steps consultants and SpRs can take to ACTUALLY improve juniors’ wellbeing:

- finish the WR quickly to maximise time for jobs and increase the likelihood team goes home on time (surgeons def better at this than medics)

1/n

https://twitter.com/usycool1/status/1443629874841853957

- sometimes a 5pm wrap-up is unavoidable but try not to create jobs that aren’t genuinely urgent
- while you’re there, ask if there’s anything YOU can do to get them out quicker
- drs WILL have to stay late sometimes so send someone home early when you can to balance it out

2/n

New consultants MUST select an eccentric habit from the following pre-approved list:

- obsession with specific electrolyte ⚪️
- give work experience student the PIN to your platinum Amex for the coffees 🔘
- make same dad joke in handover every AM ⚪️
- waistcoat over scrubs ⚪️ - repeatedly demand team take PPE selfie with you ⚪️
- regularly interrupt ward rounds with unrelated rambling anecdotes ⚪️
- call the reg “Rodney” then get frustrated when they don’t get the reference ⚪️
- mastermind fiendishly complex rota only you understand ⚪️
- bad mullet ⚪️

Because I love a disappointing sequel as much as the next nerd, here it is: Star Wars if Jedi training was run by the NHS, a thread. Everyone wants to do their Padawan year on Coruscant but trust me - the social life on Tatooine is🔥 Mess nights down the cantina, Toschi station post-nights... friends I did padawan with still talk about that summer barge party where the consultant fell into the sarlacc pit.

Star Trek if Starfleet was run by the NHS, a thread. 7 of 9 is new to the crew and starting on nights. She asks about rest facilities and is told there is an alcove where she can stand upright with her eyes closed if she’d like. She says the Borg provided private rooms and hot food for every drone. The captain does not respond.

So I fell into a bit of a Wikipedia hole last night, learning about all the human beings behind our favourite medical eponyms. Almost all of them - depressingly - are male, stale and pale.

Regardless, here are the most remarkable facts I could find about a few of them. (/THREAD) Alois Alzheimer first presented his work on dementia at a
meeting in 1906. Unfortunately, he was scheduled to speak before a talk on compulsive masturbation. The crowd, pumped with anticipation for the headline act, ignored him entirely. They didn't even ask him any questions.