Thread by @MattJThiessen

#whyImaChristian There has been proof to me of God in big ways and small, which in hindsight can seem strange considering how much I doubt.

The best descriptor of my faith, or ‘trust,’ actually comes from a movie based on a book written by an agnostic about a devout atheist.

This was Carl Sagan’s "Contact." To try to summarize the part I identify with so hard: Jodie Foster’s character, with the world’s eyes on her, has an experience with alien intelligent life so profound that it changes her concept of what’s real from that moment forward.

It PROVES it to her, she who values proof above all else. But to the world watching, it looks exactly as if nothing at all has happened.

She can’t prove it to anyone else. She can’t ‘give’ others her experience. With the world’s eyes on her, this proof was intended just for her.

With the economy of God being unlimited resources, I’m sometimes scandalized how much God is willing to spend just for me. It’s appalling, and when confronted with it I’m very willing to second-guess or reason it away:

It’s too much. I’m not enough. It wasn’t REALLY all meant for me. This is coincidence. I’m used to disappointment, and this is just another anomaly that doesn’t compute—I should ignore it and move on...

I have to face the fact that sometimes he gives me things I can’t give to others—and the reason I still want to is that I don’t think I’m important enough to him to be the sole recipient.

But I am.

I am.

There are things I can explain that support why I am a Christian—miracles and such. Though even now I hesitate to use that word, I have to admit they qualify.

I want to get into them. I think they are important. There are those that might be #blessed by knowing.

But the miracles didn’t convince me. He did.

I think..another thread for those. It’s a long one, and it’s intimidating to think about putting it all into tweet form.

Still, I want to hashtag-bless you all as you have blessed me. And just maybe... some of my story is worthy enough to put out there, just as yours is.

And some things we keep—even if we spend a lifetime trying to recognize the fullness of what God has placed in our hearts just for us.

When I talk about my God, this is the God I’m talking about.

Intimate.

Personal.

Scandalous.

Invasive, when I so need him to be.

Gentle, when I have nothing left and I’m so skittish it feels like even too quick of a movement will break me.

Worthy of my trust: This is the hardest for me, and the one he’s most gently consistent with.

I can’t give you this God. I can only give of myself with what he puts into me.

But..I don’t have to.

You have ever, always been one of his favorites. Just like I have. And I think that’s his point. We’re all waiting for our moment of Contact.

We’re all..THAT important—that he’s waiting to peel back the individual veil and spend obscene amounts of resources only so he can get to that most fragile place in our hearts, and pause, and whisper over it, "I love you."

And we feel the God’s breath, and are changed.

This is ours. And his. No one else’s.

I don’t have to justify this to anyone else, because I can’t. Maybe he set it up that way. Maybe it’s because he’s jealous for me. Maybe he loves me..that..hard.

Maybe everything he says about his love for us is true, and it can only be explained through Contact.

Some I’ve appreciated here... You’ve given of yourself from what God has put into you. I’ve seen it, I’ve felt it. #Blessed by it. Thank you. @hathiessen @Whimsy36853432 @neighbormike42 @AliaJoyH @fairlyspiritual @aundikolber @HappySonship @chialphagirl @KerriRawson @HeatherTDay

@ShannonDingle @Lechatbon @HausoMikki @NirvanaMonk116 @kat_armas @lambert_lynda @ShannonDingle @Lechatbon @RevDaniel @roblee4 @JBsTwoCents @HollyStallcup @CLStansberry @SHoddeMiller @lisasharper @MarlenaGraves @ryankuja @mwestramke @courtneyellis @KyleJamesHoward @BethMooreLPM

@LadyJNoelle @rachelheldevans #PrayForRHE