We are so quick to celebrate weight loss at any cost. But I want to talk about weight gain.
After a year+ treatment & many relapses, I’m officially pretty damn close to my pre anorexia weight.
Some people have found this disappointing; believing I’ve “let myself go.”
But every damn pound has been hard fought against my eating disorder and it’s necessary for my survival. And even more than my survival, for my ability to truly LIVE and thrive.
When someone fits the stereotype of what anorexia “should” look like, their weight gain is celebrated. Because I don’t “look” like someone who fits the stereotype of anorexia or any eating disorder, people think my weight gain is unnecessary or excessive.
#edrecovery
The thing is, my body was never genetically destined to be small unless starved. When I got to what people considered an “appropriate” weight, I had all the psychological and medical manifestations of anorexia. I was suffering and being praised for it every step of the way. #haes
Weight gain sucks. I’m not going to pretend that I like any of it. Most days I have to be reminded (or more accurately, coerced) by my support system to stay the course. But I can’t maintain recovery + weight loss at the same time. My body is happiest at a higher weight.
Physical recovery is a prerequisite for psychological recovery. I need to maintain this weight and only then does my brain have a chance at recovering. It’s going to be uncomfortable and I’m working really hard to sit with that.
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