Thread by @UncleMthwithi

Herewith Episode 4 of #NdebeleTwitter Big Saturday Read, #UmnxebaWodumo

Ukulobola iKharadi

As you are aware, UMthwithi is a Dombo 4 Hire. Ngake ngayalobola ikharadi eBarham Green. Bo Jo! Samiswa egedini for almost 2hrs. Gedi lakhona alila intercom futhi. Ilanga litshisa bhe

2.. After sesiphose sawela inkanda, thutshu isalukazi seKharadi. A bubbly granny I must say. Will call her Madea. She looked tipsy though and umthabo wakhe bordered around ukuba lizankanyana, just a bit. Kulomsebenzi lapha ku Madea. Clearly. She welcomed us warmly though

3. Lami ngangigqoke iLobola outfit, that one ethi AngikaSenti but Ungangijwayeli amasimba. Madea led us into the house saya naba phezu kweTile eliqanda moo, No cansi. For luck I don't wear iskhindi for such missions. Igear box yahle yathi kwata phezu kweTile. Ngaphosa ngafroza.

4. Sabhadala isivula mlomo. Sabuzwa ukuthi sihamba ngani. Ngachaza. Kwabizwa amankazana to confirm our story. Weenaaa. Ngamabhoza wodwa. Lihle iKharadi Jo! Bahle abantwana bagezile. Ngezwa lesenglisi lincibilika ethayilini. IConfi full tank. We chose owethu. Laye wavuma. Baphuma

5. Nothing satisfies me more than ukuvelela a beautiful person. Kwesinye isikhathi ngiyake ngiyizwele imali umfana eselobole umratha wenundumathara besengiduduzwa yikuthi laba abangabahle kuthiwa bayabulala ngama bedroom gymnastics plus balenhliziyo ezinhle. Qhubekani. Andizi!

6. Basitshaje ukangaziwe. Kukhanya lawa ngamakharadi adla amacimbi sibili. Kutshajwa isiNdebele sibili. Lakanye simbhadale ukangaziwe sikhonokhonona ngoba bethe $1k. Kodwa phela akukhalwa khathesi. Isisu ngizwe siqubuka sesingithuma ukuthi ngisabele ubizo. Sekufuneka irecess.

7. Babize ilobolo. Inkomo 12 lekamama 1. Kukhanya kufuna ukuvuka ngathi okungo ekse. Kumbe kufuna ukuvula ibhutsha asazi. Inkomo bathi yi $700 ekamama bathi $1k. Kusemqansweni lapha. Best move ask for recess. Saphuma to deliberate. Mina spidi ngiqonda eToilet.

8. Ngifike ngihude Jo! Nyoni ntshantshaza style. Ngiqede. Gu gu gu icistern. No manzi! Ngizwe esiMadea simemeza: Hey Tony how many times must I tell you not to bhotsha in the afternoon? We got no water and you busy nukisaring here in front of visitors? Whats wrong with you...

9. Ngiswabe ethwelethi. Luphendule oluTony: it's not me Aunty it's one of the bakhwenyanas! Hawu msindisi! Ngizwe serious giggling labo 'guy is fu*ken rotten' labo 'nigger can nukisa' labo 'burst sewer bra' Ngaze ngayengeka shame. Sat there stupified.Sangenza isisu

10. After a while Madea says: if you intend to sit in there till water comes, u will be there till Thursday. Kuhleke okungoTony. Ngizwe: what's wrong with this guy? Locks himself in there as if he is here to Kaak! Ngaphuma ngacela ibhakede. Inhloni bhe. Umnuko hatsha

11. Sibuyele phakathi to negotiate. I argue that 12 cows is steep, can they reduce. Also the price yabo iyadura so we intend to bring eziphilayo. Isalukazi esinye sivele sithi 'This chap is crazy. Where do we keep cows here? And feed them what? His sh*t that he left by the loo??

12. Kwangihleka okungoswayini ngadana. Okunye kuthi 'Dont be mean Aunty' Wangenza umfana madoda aze azongithela emaKharadini. Eventually, sicine sivumelene on 8 cows at 500 ekamama. The rest at 350. From there singenise igrosari endlini. Next step is introductions

13. Baqale bona bazitsho ukuthi ngobani. Bona ngabako Oosthuizen kodwa they were raised nguMaDube ugogo kaMadea owamithiswa likhiwa ayelisebenzela. Kuthiwe kulo Toby uphandle and we must not mind him. Lathi sizitsho ukuthi singobani. Uncle Mthwithi? Wakanda name is that? Kudlule

14. From intoductions kuthiwe siyehlinza imbuzi. Yizigebenga okungo ekse lokhu. Hwaphu hwaphu ngama Okapi kuqede. Woza braai Woza Tshwala woza food. Sekutshaywa leRadio sekukholiswa. Lendaba yeToilet is forgotten. Mthwithi laye sezincengisela kokuRobyn. (Thread coming soon)

15. Enter Toby manje. Topless. Dead drunk carrying umgodla wamaChunks esibuyelawo. So you b*ches think you can go f*uck my sis coz you lobolad her using Chunks? WTF? Kwahle kwashuba one time. Everyone is drunk now except Uncle Mthithi. Vele igrosari ilamanyala shame. Ngatsho

16. Sebembambile uToby kodwa uyapopota. This is delela. Busy chowing our mbuzi and nice food and drinking our beer and you buy us chunks like we are some kind of Masabatha. Even a Wh*re by Barow there can't accept your machunks. Sekublind manje. Abanye sebevumelana laye khathesi

17. Then ngizwe 'And you Robyn, what's your hand doing holding MaNukisa's junk?' Kuthi dlwe, uMaNukisa yimi. OkuRobyn besekuzibambele igear box KaMthwithi. Eish am doomed! Sekushubile bafethu. Tshayeleliyani imbodlela phansi. Sephunyukile uToby and is baying for blood

18. Ngazi ngaphi? Dabu Pesu. Ngadla phansi. Ngadla bayi bayi. I ran for dear life. AmaKharadi in hot pursuit. Ngapha kuyamemeza: MaNukisa Wait, Lets Talk. We are now family. LoRobyn laye uzwakala esithi You guys leave them please. Mina 100k/hr. Kuyakufakha aphu okungo Ekse

Hayi boJo... okunje angikaze ngikubone. Umfana lokuthi kwahamba njani angikwazi. Ibhalansi yami for ukuyamvelela ayisabuzeki. END

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