Herewith Thread 4 of my experiences #ChroniclesofHope
Thread 4: The Bad days.
Being in hiding is a game of mental strength and for those whose backbones are clad with iron. Especially those of us who want to go home and not to Europe
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#ZimbabweanLivesMatter
2. The 1st days are bad. Anxiety. Worry and concern over the well-being of the family. At some point I went for 4 straight days without eating, worried about my children. I just can't believe I can be this helpless and watch them bullied. A friend sent this about Cde Umile
3. The worst is that in the day that the State goes rogue even relatives blame you for it. They castigate us for 'ukuqala iZanu'. Very few want to assist. Majority does not want any contact lest they are endangered. To get a relative to house my family was a futile effort
4. I know some of you don't know that your Fav. Uncle is a Pastor. The judgement I receive from Believers is unreal. I get blamed for putting my family at risk and for neglecting winning souls. I am adamant, Jesus did not die for us so that Zanu can abuse us. Never!
5. News from the outside world can be disturbing. The abduction and torture of Tawanda broke us to the core. We could only empathize and agonise from afar, wondering if the same would have befallen me when caught. What kind of State does that to a 22 year old. It breaks us
6. Then there was the Noxolo abduction. I was with @JoeMzacaNgulube that day. He panicked and I assured him that it's a false alarm. 4hrs later no contact. We knew we were in trouble. Message came when we were eating having gone without for 2 days. He lost appetite & broke down
7. The other bad day is baby clinic days. The fact that my family is being followed everywhere by strange cars and strange people is very scary. Compounded by the fact that I have no direct contact, waiting for feedback from clinic is torturous. This is one of the worst days
8. The arrest of comrades is the worst. If it's not on news, we get to hear it a few days late from other comrades. The mask team, from Tailors, transporters to distributors have gone into hiding or have been arrested. Some have lost their jobs in the process. This breaks me.
9.Then there are funerals. People close to us die and we cant get closure as we we have no way of attending funerals. We have had to master the art of mourning and grieving solo. The weight of grieving in secret is unbearable. It's cruel, it's unAfrican. It's a mess!
10. The day Patson died is the worst for me. I got the news during our morning briefings. I Felt sick. Cudnt eat & had a heavy heart. It ripped me apart. What kind of State is this. The Dzamara family has sacrificed alot on the alter of change, 2 sons! 2😭. Noo maaan!!
11. Then you have clowns that want proof that we are being persecuted. I have no energy to convince Gukurahundi denialists that we in a vampire state. People, believe what you want. Andizi! It is bad when we are castigated by those close to us. Anyway, they too sell us out so 🤷🏾♂️
12. Then there is the Joburg attack where colleagues had to seek refuge at a Police Station. After leaving the country, we find ourselves unsafe. Something has to give. I wonder if we will be push overs forever. I doubt. We will push back for our survival. It's a matter of time.
13. Then there are days where one doesn't need a reason to be low. You wake up Mdambiyana. Lonely. Missing all the benefits of marriage. Thank God for Takesure Zamar, Ziyanda Tshangana and Lusanda Beje whose music carries me through the dark days. Regardless, am hopeful
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