Did I ever tell you the one about the Aryan Nations Pastor and the Neo-Nazi lawyer who have been suing the absolute shit out of each other for the whoooooole past decade (over what, I still can’t really tell)?
Because THIS one is...a thing to behold.
This might be my favorite legal document of all time.
“THE BIBLICAL & MORAL CASE FOR THE EXTERMINATION OF LAKE COUNTY OHIO AND, IF NECESSARY, OF THE STATE OF OHIO”
[the county isn’t even the party he’s counter-suing.]
Just ... pause and marvel at this one more time.
Let it sink in, before I continue.
I’ve read Exhibit #1 about 20 times, and I’m still not exactly sure what it consists of —
Other than the claim that the other Neo-Nazi in question isn’t really white, is also gay, and a fed.
[possibly]
I think this was one of the Neo-Nazi vs. Neo-Nazi defamation lawsuits in the ongoing legal clusterfuck.
Gay incestuous affairs, transgender Brazilian prostitutes, and fake vaginas.
[Aryan Nations is a gift that keeps on giving.]
Two lines really stand out here:
“Plaintiff’s husband has not had a homosexual affair with his father or any other man.”
“The marital difficulties in Plaintiff’s marriage had nothing to do with any issues of Plaintiff not being an actual woman.”
I would personally like to celebrate Aryan Nation’s glorious exercise of their First Amendment rights here.
This is truly democracy in action.
This Neo-Nazi is acting as his own attorney because attorneys should be “exterminated along with their entire families as a matter of public policy.”
Bold move here; tbh, it could go either way - we’ll have to see how it plays with the jury.
People hate lawyers.
One of the Neo-Nazis had his wife hand write her affidavit (he saved the documents as “illiterate.pdf”), and even she’s clearly SICK OF HIS SHIT.
He normally signs off “Hail Victory!!!” Here, as you can see — she’s scratched it out, and written “whatever.”
You love to see it.
Here, Neo-Nazi Pastor is challenging Black people at jury selection.
The judge just doesn’t understand that a fair trial by his peers means a jury of fellow white supremacists — obviously.
This clever legal maneuver appears in the Aryan Nations Pastor’s response to one of his fellow Neo-Nazi’s multiple restraining order requests.
“He’s under my protection so I can destroy the state for letting him get away with it”
(“It” being... I have no idea — still.)
Because of course
I’m going to pause here for the night:
Neo-Nazi lawyer questions his witness, the Aryan Nations pastor, about photos of said pastor dressed up as Santa Claus, giving out poop on Christmas.
Because reasons.
If you’re just now joining us, I regret to inform you that there’s more where this nonsense came from.
Like, an entire ongoing thread of embedded threads.
[what can I say? It’s just a calling in life.]
I peeked at the court transcript, and — I just don’t have the bandwidth to continue this thread today.
I’ll return to Neo Nazi lawyers, poop-flinging Aryan Nations pastors, and assorted legal disputes over the specifics of pimping after my deadline.
I’m amazed it took this long for the judge to snap.
Aryan Nations pastor, responding to Neo-Nazi lawyer:
— “Meerkat with tits.”
Judge, to Aryan Nations pastor:
— “We don’t need the history of meerkats.”
[how is this a real court transcript]
This is one hell of an opening statement.
Aryan Nations pastor decides to close out his opening statement (in his lawsuit against the Neo-Nazi lawyer) by...
... reiterating, to the jury, that it isn’t fair for him to be tried by non-white supremacist jurors, as they’re clearly not “peers.”
Much like the judge - I also have no desire to hear more about the history of the Aryan Nations in Ohio.
[Break time from Neo-Nazi nonsense for me]
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